HOLLYWOOD – First image of Olivia Coleman in the role of Queen Elizabeth II has hit the internet and the resemblance is spooky.

Season Three of The Crown sees Olivia Coleman take over from Claire Foy in the depiction of Queen Elizabeth II. The first image to hit the nets is scarily similar. Olivia Coleman said that the chance to play Europe’s oldest reigning monarch was a great honor.

As a British actor, I’ve been watching Queen Elizabeth all my life so you could say I’ve been preparing for the role all my life. That said you never feel properly ready to play someone so important. All I can do is reach inside of me and find the truth there. Hopefully. As for whether the Queen herself will approve… I’m not even sure she watches.

The image shows Olivia on a horse in military uniform, inspecting the trooping of the color, an old tradition that takes place in England in July just before the annual poor people cull.

I’ve never sat on a horse before, but the director was very kind. He had one frozen in liquid oxygen. That way I could sit on it without it moving and it was the right height.

The Netflix series features music from Hans Zimmer and is written by Peter Morgan.

Netflix will release The Crown Season 3 when they want to and not before.


LONDON – The Crown’s Claire Foy has ordered that co-star Matt Smith have his head chopped off.

Following the revelation that Matt Smith got more money than her for appearing in the Netflix serial The Crown, Claire Foy has ordered the actor arrested on high treason: a charge which still carries the death penalty. Taking a leaf out of Henry the VIII’s book she wants to see her royal consort shortened by a head as a way of assuaging her displeasure.

One has heard with some distress that the monarch of The Crown has been treated in a despicable manner by the Colonialist Broadcasting company known as Netflix. As they for the moment stand outside of the range of our contempt, the fury of the realm shall be thrown with all the might at our disposal on the unhappy head of the former Doctor Who.

Although initially seen as a joke, legal experts actually uncovered a bylaw in the Magna Carta which states:

Any who Acteth the PART of the MONARCH shall also verily wield the SCEPTRE and POTENCY of the MONARCH.

In accord with ancient precedent Smith has been conveyed to the Tower where he awaits execution. Having played Prince Phillip he will have the privilege of being decapitated with a sword rather than the blunt ax reserved for commoners.

Season 3 of The Crown will show in the Fall.


LONDON – New Netflix TV show The Crown, which purports to show the life of Queen Elizabeth II of England, was made entirely with the blood of poor people.

Based on the hit play The Audience by Peter Morgan, The Crown tells the story of Queen Elizabeth II’s early reign. The Hours director Stephen Daldry explained EXCLUSIVELY to the Studio Exec the extraordinary process by which the show came to be made.

Everybody knows that the English Royal Family is extremely tied to its traditions and rituals. We wanted this show to be as authentic to their reality as it was possible for us to be and so we researched deeply and we found out that they have been sustaining themselves by regularly imbibing the red blood of the lower classes. At first when peter told me about this, I assumed it was some ghastly socialist metaphor but it turned out to be literally true and so there was nothing for it but to hire some poor people and use their blood.

You mean you drank…

Claire Foy who plays the young Elizabeth would drink about a quart a day for three months up until and during the shoot. Matt Smith, playing her Greek husband Prince Philip the Duke of Edinburgh, mixed his with vodka. John Lithgow plays Winston Churchill and he decided that he wouldn’t partake but he was allowed to occasionally shoot a live gun at poor people as they ran away.

But isn’t this all very illegal.

That’s the thing. Because we were telling the story of the British crown we were granted a royal prerogative which basically allows you to get away with murder. And I mean that quite literally. I can put my hand on my heart and say that there is nothing in this show that could have been done if we weren’t all regularly downing huge brimming beakers of what the crew began to call ‘crimson ale’.

The Crown will premiere later in 2016.