‘SULU BEING GAY UNREALISTIC’ SAYS MAN DRESSED AS KLINGON

HOLLYWOOD – Man dressed as a Klingon has complained that Sulu being gay ruins the otherwise impeachable realism of his favorite space opera.

Jason Bilks of Little Rock, Arkansas said that the decision to make Sulu gay has ruined the realism of Star Trek. Standing in his living room which he painstakingly redecorated to look like the helm of Klingon Bird of Prey, Mr. Bilks was adamant that his objection was not based on prejudice:

I have nothing against homosexuals of any kind. That has nothing to do with the idea that Sulu being gay is wrong for Star Trek. It’s because there’s no detailed character arc. If he had been gay in the first film and they had set it up, it would have made sense, but it just isn’t realistic that someone suddenly says they’re gay after not coming out with it in the first few films. It’s so out of the blue.

But there was no suggestion that he was actually heterosexual int he first films. He could have been gay all along.

It just doesn’t make any sense. And I’m talking about it being realistic from a character point of view. It’s silly. The spaceships and the universe, the gadgets, the teleporters and what not and the aliens, all of those things are so credibly realized and so consistent, and then suddenly the guy who drives the Starship Enterprise turns out to be gay!? No, no, no, NO!

Star Trek Beyond is in theaters.

MY FAVORITE FILM: HILLARY CLINTON

WASHINGTON – Hello, my name is Hillary Clinton and the Studio Exec, a very close friend of my husband, has asked my if I will choose my favorite film and write about.

I suppose the first thing I have to say is that it is not Black Hawk Down; and it isn’t You’ve Got Mail. So let’s nip that rumor in the bud right away. No, my favorite film has to be Back to the Future. I just think the film is charming. Marty McFly, played by the wonderful Michael J. Fox, is just an average school kid who loves skateboarding, playing his guitar and listening to top youth music band Huey Lewis and the News. However, when he is sent back in time by Doc Brown, played by Christopher Lloyd who I already loved from Taxi, he inadvertently prevents his mother and father from meeting. Somehow he must arrange their first kiss otherwise he will cease to exist.

Back to the Future is undoubtedly the finest time travel movie ever made. I think what I love about it is that it shows that you can escape the past and you don’t have to be beholden to mistakes you might have made a long time ago. There is something exhilarating in seeing George McFly, Marty’s father, becoming a different person under his son’s tutelage. What if the fifties could learn from the eighties? the film seems to ask. In my own situation, sure there are mistakes I wish I could rectify that would change who I am today, but at the same time I am who I am because of the road that brought me here.

It’s also interesting to see how prescient the film is. Middle Eastern terrorists are a risk, but so is the local bully Biff. Technology is amazing with flying cars predicted as well and here we are and we almost have them. So the lesson seems to be you can go back in time, tinker a little bit and in that way fix the present. And I am the candidate who best represents that idea.

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BACK TO THE FUTURE TRILOGY WILL FEATURE NO NEW FOOTAGE

HOLLYWOOD – The re-release of the Back to the Future trilogy will feature no new footage, sources revealed today.

Robert Zemeckis’ Back to the Future trilogy, which comprises Back to the Future, Back to the Future 2 and Back to the Future 3, will feature no new footage, despite the fact it is being released in cinemas and people who go and see it already of the blu-rays of the exact same films at home. Still starring Michael J. Fox in the iconic role of Marty McFly, the films will also retain the services of Christopher Lloyd who plays Dr. Emmett “Doc” Brown. Initially release thirty years ago, they will be re-released on October  21, 2015, the date which was punched into the time machine/Delorean and sent McFly into the future for the second film.

Zemeckis wheeled into the Studio Exec bungalow at precisely 8.45 pm:

It’s going to be great to see it on the big screen again. The quality is if anything better than the original release and we’re all very excited.

But are we going to have some new footage?

No, we didn’t want to go that route. Look George is a great pal of mine but I just think Back to the Future is a different creature and it’s like clockwork the way it all works. I just wouldn’t want to ruin that.

Yeah but just one scene with Jabba. At least that.

No, absolutely not. It wouldn’t make sense.

What about some sort of extra CGI stuff in the background?

I think the charm of these films is the fact they’re so much of their time. I mean, even our predictions are great. Some of them actually worked out. But we still don’t have flying cars.

So it’s basically the same three films with no additions or scenes. Gredo shoots first in this one?

No, there’s no Gredo. No guns become flashlights. No extra scenes, no added CGI.

But you must have changed Huey Lewis and the News.

No.

But I HATE Huey Lewis and the News. 

Back to the Future will be released in October, 2015.

MODERN FAMILY STARS ASK EMMYS TO STOP REWARDING SHOW

HOLLYWOOD – In a shock statement the stars of Modern Family have requested the Emmys stop rewarding them.

‘It’s getting embarrassing,’ said Ed O’Neill, who plays ageing patriarch Jay. ‘We have to walk past Larry David and Louis CK to pick up this award every year and I just can’t look them in the eyes.’

‘Enough already,’ said Ty Burrell who plays Phil Dunphy. ‘It’s actually making people hate the show. I’d vote for Community, but it doesn’t even get a nomination. That’s just such BS.’

Christopher Lloyd one of the show’s creators said late last night:

I created the Goddamn show and I can tell you it is not that good. There are other shows. Jesus. I mean the documentary thing for a start. That’s just a lame rip off of The Office and we’ve never been able to get shot of it. You put that beside the innovation of Louis CK or Veep or Community… Enough already.

Jon Stewart also bashed the awards as The Daily Show won its tenth (TENTH!) consecutive Emmy for outstanding variety show, beating Real Time with Bill Maher.

A Modern Family Movie is due for release in 2017.