CLICKBAIT: THE MOVIE TO STAR BENEDICT CUMBERBATCH

HOLLYWOOD – Benedict Cumberbatch is the latest star to sign up for Clickbait: the Movie, which combines the Marvel, DC and Star Wars universes featuring the music of One Direction.

The movie – directed by Twin Peaks director David Lynch and Steven Spielberg – is based on a George RR Martin‘s lost book in his Game of Thrones saga. The large cast features Scarlett Johansson, Kristen Stewart, Tom Hiddleston, Lindsay Lohan, Tom Hardy, Johnny Depp, Matthew McConaughey, Angelina Jolie, Michael Fassbender, Christian Bale, Jared Leto, Gywneth Paltrow and Brad Pitt. George Clooney is in talks but Bruce Jenner looks set to take on his role. The official synopsis reads:

Based on the life of Justin Bieber,  Miley Cyrus and the 5 most outrageous facts, you’ve ever heard about anything, Clickbait: the Movie was originally conceived when a twelve year old asked Noam Chomsky and Stephen Hawking what is the meaning of life. You won’t believe what happened next!

Kanye West and Kim Kardashian, Beyonce and Rihanna! Facebook and Twitter and Tumblr!

ClickBait: The Movie will be released in 2018.

DENNIS QUAID SUED BY CHRISTIAN BALE

HOLLYWOOD- Dennis Quaid is being sued by Christian Bale for plagiarism, it emerged yesterday.

The legal action came after an online video leaked of Dennis Quaid ‘losing his shit’ while filming on set. The star is apparently irked by an interruption and starts yelling and roaring about the ‘dopey dick’ whispering in the ear of the director while Quaid is trying to ‘say his line’, which is technical actor’s jargon for saying something. Voices in the Christian Bale camp say that the Dark Knight actor was incensed when he saw the video. One report said that:

Bale was furious. He was watching the video on a laptop and he started screaming: ‘Are you f*cking kidding me? Oh yeah well, f*ck you! F*CK YOU! YOU ARE NOT YOUR F*CKING BROTHER! F*ck this bullshit. THAT’S ME, you’re doing exactly the same f*cking thing I did!’

News that there is a video of Christian Bale flipping out at Dennis Quaid flipping out looks like a definite possibility.

Bale’s legal team have lodged their complaint for intellectual copyright infringement claiming that:

Mr. Bale’s public persona is part of his brand and affects directly his commercial standing in the entertainment business. His famous temper is an original creation, as is his reputation for difficultness and moodiness. Mr. Quaid’s behavior is an obvious copy-catting which in the litigants opinion constitutes theft.

Jimmy Kimmel was not available for comment.

RIDLEY SCOTT WILL NOT DIRECT LEVITICUS

HOLLYWOOD – Despite the massive critical and commercial success of Exodus: Gods and Kings, Ridley Scott will be taking a back seat on the sequel, tentatively titled Leviticus.

In the running to direct are Denis Villeneuve or Joe Cornish or possibly Darren Aronofsky. A spokesperson for Scott’s production company shed some light on the development of the project:

Christian Bale is on board and we have a script. The film begins with Moses (Christian Bale) having rescued his people from the Pharoah and taken them towards the promised land. As anyone who knows the Bible will tell you Israel was a lot further from Egypt than it is today so they spent years getting there. In that time the people need guidance and so Moses sits down and writes out a series of very complicated laws governing rituals and diet and what not.

Why did Ridley decide to forego directing?

As you can tell from even the must cursory of readings of Leviticus, it isn’t a very cinematic book. It doesn’t ahve any of the set pieces that Exodus has – the plagues, the parting of the Red Sea – but when we got the rights we also had the sequel rights and no one had read the book. We’ve been working on a script for some time, but there is a hell of a lot about cubits and seafood. So we think perhaps a younger director might be able to bring something to the mix.

Leviticus: Rules and Regulations will be released in 2017.

FIRST LOOK AT MICHAEL FASSBENDER AS STEVE JOBS

HOLLYWOOD – Many were bemused by the casting of Michael Fassbender as Steve Jobs in the new Danny Boyle directed biopic of the Apple ‘genius’, but doubters are eating their words.

The Studio Exec can reveal the first look at Michael Fassbender as Jobs in the classic pose that also graced the cover of the Walter Isaacson biography that was published shortly following Steve Jobs’ death.

Resident Jobs expert Xavier Poulis had this to say:

It’s uncanny. I mean Michael Fassbender doesn’t normally look anything like Steve Jobs, but here in this first picture he is almost like a creepy doppelganger, perfectly mimicking not only the IT genius’ pose but his eyes, his ears, his nose, his hair line and his turtle neck sweater. Move over Daniel Day Lewis, sit down Christian Bale, shut up Robert De Niro: there’s a new actor capable of extreme physical transformation on the block and his name is Michael Fassbender.

Author Isaacson was flabbergasted at the transformation of the Irish/German actor into the whiz kid of tech valley. A close friend of the writer said:

It almost looks as if you’ve just taken a picture of Steve Jobs and you’re just saying it’s Michael Fassbender, when actually it’s still a picture of Steve Jobs. Utterly amazing! What an actor!

Scripted by Aaron Sorkin and produced by Scott Rudin, the production went through a lengthy development process with many actors vying for the lead role, even as criticism was heaped on the film for even daring to challenge Ashton Kutcher’s magisterial performance in the made for TV movie Jobs.

Steve Jobs will be released in 2016.

 

WERNER HERZOG’S RECIPE FOR WILD MUSHROOM RISOTTO

HOLLYWOOD – The latest in a series in which guest columnist and Austrian film director Werner Herzog writes about arbitrary moments in his life.

I have always been by far the most fantastic cook that you would ever hope to have prepare food for you. When we were making Fitzcarraldo my omelettes were legendary. Klaus Kinski once broke a man’s spine because the fool had accidentally got in-between Kinski and some bouillon I had prepared for him. The poor man died horribly, but Kinski was not to be crossed and far once I did not feel his rage excessive.

While making Rescue Dawn, Christian Bale and Steve Zahn were both placed on starvation diets so that they would begin to seem closer to the state their characters’ prisoners of war predicament. This was particularly trying for them as I insisted on preparing the most mouthwateringly delicious barbecues every night for the rest of the crew. When filming was over I had promised that I would cook for them as well, and indeed I did so during a fantastic wrap party, but as a joke I prepared only the meager prison rations of worms that they had been eating. Christian and Steve couldn’t stop crying they were so amused.

Legend has spread of my culinary prowess and so I thought I would share one of my favorite recipes with you, my dear Studio Exec friends: Wild mushroom risotto.

The first thing you must do is go to the woods and collect the mushrooms. Now most people would warn you to be cautious about which mushrooms to pick but such caution is simply a pale version of mind death. These are WILD mushrooms remember. Not tame mushrooms. So pick the mushrooms and if you have picked poison ones you will die. But you will have lived.

Once you have your wild mushrooms, go home and make your risotto.

For more wisdom from Werner Herzog, Click Here.

WERNER HERZOG’S TRIP TO DISNEYLAND

HOLLYWOOD – Our intrepid Austrian correspondent, Rescue Dawn director Werner Herzog, visited Disneyland. This is his report.

First of all there is one matter that I fear must be resolved, or at the very least clarified.

Disneyland is not a land as such. Not the way Iceland, or Greenland, or – Lord helps us all – even England are lands. That is large country sized extents of terrain.

No. Disneyland is more like a large park situated near the town of Anaheim in California.

So we begin our journey with lies.

And unlike the aforementioned lands, you have to buy a ticket to enter this ‘land’ and the ticket is very, very expensive. But buy a ticket I did, for I was determined to use my utmost strength to understand a phenomena that had up until now eluded the transom of my being. I started with Space Mountain.

It was spectacular. A roller-coaster inside a building. Exhilarating and claustrophobic, precisely the emotional state I was in directing Christian Bale.

From there I went for a breather in a place I have always enjoyed sleeping. The cinema. But what’s this? Michael Jackson in some ill-advised acting role? Captain EO? I ululated in the way Arab women do when in the deepest grief and fled.  ‘Executive producer George Lucas and director Francis Ford Coppola changed the world when they released Captain EO in 1986,’ boasted the promotional material and I well believe it. A darkness entered the universe that has yet to be identified or eradicated.

Some comfort was to be attained by climbing the Matterhorn I hoped, but this proved to be a grave disappointment. Rather than encountering the dizzying adventures of  my youthful mountaineering adventures in Bavaria, the Matterhorn turned out to be simply another roller-coaster and the Pirates of the Caribbean was revealed to be a complete rip off the wonderfully original Johnny Depp/Keira Knightley movies. How can they sully that wonderful franchise with such dire commercial spin offs? Ditto the Haunted House.

Finally I took refuge in ‘It’s a Small World’. There was something stunning in the slow water cruise through a miasma of barely comprehensible sentimentality. I was Marlow heading up the river to confront Mr. Kurtz, the Hollow Man of exploitation and modern malaise. The children sang the Sherman brothers’ song at first as an anthem and then as a method of torture. It was water boarding for the ears and I was soon screaming along with all my fellow passengers.

I exited the ride a changed man. A sadder, frailer, more defeated version of the Werner Herzog of before. I was also, I am ashamed to say, very much under arrest.

For more wisdom from Werner Herzog, Click Here.

NATALIE PORTMAN IS STEVE JOBS

HOLLYWOOD – Sony emails reveal that beating out tough competition from male stars such as Michael Fassbender and Christian Bale, Natalie Portman has seized the prize and been cast as Steve Jobs in the new Universal film, Steve Jobs.

Based on Walter Isaacson’s top selling biography, the much anticipated film has been scripted by Aaron Sorkin, but has had some problems deciding on a lead. Christian Bale was initially tipped to play the part, but backed out leaving Sony in the lurch. The film project moved to Universal and Michael Fassbender was wide tipped to be in the front running for the part of the black turtle-necked one, but rumors were also rife that Samuel L. Jackson was interested in the role, giving us the first black Steve Jobs. Jackson told the Studio Exec that as Jobs’ father was Syrian it makes as much sense for him to play him as for a white actor. However, now all such arguments are moot as Natalie Portman has confirmed her commitment to playing the lead.

She told SE:

I admire Steve and I admire all he stands for. I am very proud to be getting the opportunity to turn that admiration into a performance that will go some way to cementing his reputation in the culture of today.

How have you prepared for the role?

I’ve been using my iPhone a lot, I can tell you!

Ha ha! But yeah, how are you going to prepare?

No that’s it.

What about critics who say you’re too female to play Jobs?

I think that’s very small-minded. I’m absolutely positive would be very supportive of the film if he knew about it. And I am told that he was a big fan of Leon and The Phantom Menace. I think I read somewhere that he thought the Phantom Menace was the best Star Wars film. I might have just made that up, so don’t print it.

The film’s director Danny Boyle said that he was a great admirer of Jobs but that the film would not be a hagiography.

Steve would not have wanted us to paint him as a saint. He was too intelligent not to understand his own limitations. That was part of his genius. So yes. We’re going to have the scene where he tells the Chinese to get tough on their workers and lower the production costs of the iPod.

Steve Jobs will be released in 2016.

CHRISTIAN BALE TO STAR IN V FOR VENDETTA 2

LONDON – During an interview for Esquire magazine, Christian Bale accidentally revealed that he is in talks to play an undisclosed role in V for Vendetta 2.

Bale was asked if he had ever considered starring in a comic-book movie and he gave this stunning response:

Well I really like those Marvel films, it’s big entertainment but for an actor, you have to be willing to commit yourself for a long time and at the moment, I’m not ready to do that. Though if it was a one off, like this sequel to V for Vendetta that I might get involved in, then that’s different. I don’t have to clear my diary for the next five years.

The interviewer tried to press Bale for more details but the actor wouldn’t play ball:

I can’t say anything, mate. I probably shouldn’t have even mentioned that the project exists as only a few people have seen the script. I expect a stern email full of harsh expletives from Chris Nolan as soon as this goes to press.

Asked how Christopher Nolan was involved in the movie, Bale played dumb:

Chris who? Never heard of him.

Since Bale’s revelation The Studio Exec attempted to contact Christopher Nolan but he was unavailable for comment. However his spokesman issued this statement:

Christopher is not involved in a sequel to V for Vendetta. However, if he was involved he would be extremely angry with Christian Bale and he’d currently be writing him a stern email full of harsh expletives.

V for Vendetta 2 will be released in 2016.

STEVE JOBS TO STAR IN AVENGERS AGE OF ULTRON

HOLLYWOOD – Former Apple chief and certified genius Steve Jobs will have role in Marvel’s Avengers Age of Ultron, Idris Elba revealed today.

Speaking EXCLUSIVELY to the Studio Exec, Elba confided:

I can’t say too much because I’m already in hot water with Joss Whedon and Kevin Feige for shooting my mouth off. However, if you promise not to tell anyone I can tell you about the surprise star of the film, Steve Jobs.

Wow!

Yeah. Steve has been taken up by Ultron (James Spader) and his death faked and he’s been helping Ultron and his plans for world and indeed inter-galactic domination.

Who plays Jobs?

What do you mean who plays Jobs? Jobs. It’s Steve Jobs. The actual guy.

I don’t understand.

Just the same way Ultron faked Steve’s death, so Kevin Feige and the cats at Marvel did the exact same thing for the real Jobs and now he’s paying them back by appearing in the latest Avengers. This will be the best resurrection since Jesus or at least Bobby Ewing.

That’s whack!

I know. But Marvel is now an all powerful organisation.

So Jobs is like an evil henchman?

At the beginning yes. He’s like the brainy guy, but what he really does is take all of Ultron’s original ideas and spins them from a design point of view and then takes all the credit. Like in the trailer when Ultron says ‘No strings on me’, Steve gives him that line. He is a branding genius.

How does Steve feel about Christian Bale pulling out of the Aaron Sorkin scripted biopic?

That was all Steve’s doing. You see he has always wanted to play himself in the film, so he would appear at Christian’s bedside every night growling and cursing until Bale gave in. Now Steve will appear, but for the sake of secrecy they’ll say it’s Daniel Day Lewis or Michael Fassbender. Steve’s psyched about the movie because he loves Seth Rogen.

Avengers Age of Ultron will be released in 2015.

 

CHRISTIAN BALE: ‘MOSES WAS A DOUCHE’

HOLLYWOOD – Ridley Scott’s new movie Exodus: Gods and Kings is almost ready to be seen (released December 12th), but star Christian Bale has already had some choice words to say about his character, the Biblical law-giver and Red Sea travel agent Moses.

The Terminator: Salvation star spoke to the Studio Exec EXCLUSIVELY:

Moses was a complete douche bag. I mean one minute he was like ‘Hey, I’m Egyptian, best friends with the Pharaoh, chariots and shit’ and then next minute he says ‘I’m a Jew, let my people go’ – the pharaoh’s like, ‘who’s gonna finish the pyramid? You can’t just leave it like that’. So  Moses is like plague, plague, plague. And basically killing a shit load of people. I mean, what a complete asshole.

But he’s an important religious leader.

Yeah, right.  He’s on acid or something. He sees a burning bush and talks to God? That’s not religion. That’s just crazy. I mean I approached this film like American Psycho, but in Bible times. Oh, and he couldn’t count.

Wait. What?

Well, the ten commandments. There aren’t ten. There are eight tops.

Religious groups were quick to criticize Bale’s interpretation.

Berkshire Wrightly in his blog The God Squad wrote:

Yes. Moses did kill a lot of people. Yes, he did kill them on the basis of race and religion. Yes, he did impose a bunch of really moralistic rules on people claiming that they came from some higher power. In other words he was a perfect religious leader.

Exodus: Gods and Kings  will be released on 12 December, 2014.

MUPPETS JOIN KNIGHT OF CUPS

HOLLYWOOD – The extraordinary cast of Terrence Malick’s new film Knight of Cups already includes stars such as Christian Slater and Natalie Portman, but it can be revealed that they will be joined by the assorted talents of the Muppets.

Kermit the Frog told The Studio Exec:

This is a very exciting development for us. We are essentially an old fashioned Vaudeville act and although we have striven to be taken seriously with our adaptation of great literary works  – The Muppet’s Christmas Carol and The Muppet’s Treasure Island to name but two – our efforts have not always been a resounding effect. Here was have a great director, with an artistic vision, and he wants us in the film alongside the likes of Christian and Natalie.

It is understood the decision to cast the Muppets was taken quite late on in the process after filming had already begun.

Fozzie Bear had this to say:

Malick works in unconventional ways and I think while he had begun shooting Knight of Cups he realised that it really lacked a comic edge. The comedy of To the Wonder had gone over everyone’s heads and so he phoned me up and he said ‘Fozzie, I need you bud, I need that old Wokka Wokka magic!’ I said, ‘Can I bring Gonzo?’ He said ‘Bring everybody!’ Five minutes later he phoned up again and said ‘Don’t bring Gervais though.’ Ha ha!

Knight of Cups will be released in 2015.

EXODUS: GODS AND KINGS PHOTO NOVEL

HOLLYWOOD – The Biblical Epic Exodus: Gods and Kings by Ridley Scott has released the first look trailer, poster as well as a 67 page photo-novel of the film.

Although photo-novels were briefly popular in 1986, nary a one has been seen for just shy of two decades. However, Scott along with actors Christian Bale, Aaron Paul and Joel Edgerton have recreated the film via a series of still pictures with comic strip style speech and thought bubbles.  

Ridley Scott rushed in to the Studio Exec office in order to explain:

I love photo novels. Always have and always will. When Joel Edgerton revealed that he too was a fan, well, I thought why not use that and create publicity material. At first the marketing people said it would be a disaster, but I told them I was sick of them second guessing me. When I made Kingdom of Heaven everyone said I was mad to cast Orlando Bloom in the lead, but… Well, okay bad example. But I’m usually right.

Exodus: Gods and Kings will be released later this year. Exodus: God and Kings: The Photo-Novel is already available from all good book shops and Amazon.

RIDLEY SCOTT’S EXODUS SLAMMED BY BOB MARLEY’S FAMILY

 HOLLYWOOD – An early screening of Ridley Scott‘s new film Exodus: Gods and Kings has created a strongly negative reaction from the late Bob Marley’s family.

Continue reading “RIDLEY SCOTT’S EXODUS SLAMMED BY BOB MARLEY’S FAMILY”

CHRISTIAN BALE IS DAREDEVIL

 HOLLYWOOD – News just in that Christian Bale, who turned down an opportunity to reappear in the role of Batman, has opted to take on another superhero role instead: Daredevil.

Continue reading “CHRISTIAN BALE IS DAREDEVIL”