July 28th. 2013
July 29th. 2013
I went on a bit of a crazy spree earlier. I ran around the streets of Manhattan randomly punching strangers in the face. I was stopped by a cop but he said he’d let me off with a caution if I gave him my autograph. He passed me a piece of paper and I wrote “To my good friend Officer Frank Jones. Sorry for punching you in the face.” Frank looked puzzled “but you never punched me in the face?” Ten seconds later he arrested me for assault on a police officer.
July 30th, 2013
I was at a charity dinner for victims of violence and I bumped into George Clooney. He asked me how it was going and then he made a joke about us both playing Batman. Usually that would compel me to punch him in the face but George is such a lovely man. Thankfully Jude Law was on the table next to him so the evening wasn’t a complete waste of time.
“It’s going to be a difficult offer to turn down,” said Hollywood reporter Buck Freeland.
Christian is a proud Welshman and when he was a kid he used to say his ambition when he grew up was to be King of Wales. Now it looks as though he’s going to get the opportunity to realise that childhood dream.
It wasn’t widely reported but Robert De Niro was given Cyprus as payment for his role in Little Fockers and it’s rumoured that Johnny Deppwill be declared Emperor of Canada should he agree to do Pirates of the Caribbean 5.
Christian is Welsh and we’d much rather give our taxes to a Welshman than some English Toff. As long as he likes Rugby and makes sure our bins get collected once a week, I’m sure he’ll be embraced with open arms.
At the age of 7 Christian was asked by his teacher to write down ten things he would do if he was the King of Wales and his plans are pretty out there. A bouncy castle in every garden, vanilla ice cream instead of water from the taps. Free pizza and the introduction of flying cars. Okay, some of those might be workable but his idea of full employment and a redistribution of wealth is both preposterous and juvenile.