NEW YORK – In what is widely being seen as a big up yours to former presidential candidate Mitt Romney, the Children Television Workshop have announced a brand new motion picture based on the popular educational television series. Jack Black will appear due to a clause in his contract that obliges every studio to put him in films whenever he wants. ‘We don’t want him,’ said a studio exec. ‘But his agent has our balls in a vice over this.’

The announcement came as fresh revelations about Big Bird came in. He was caught on camera early last week playing golf despite the fact he has been claiming a disability pension for three years because of ‘chronic eyesight problems.’ Big Bird blithely dismissed the charges of fraud saying, ‘If you saw that drive on the 14th freeway you’d know for a fact I was medically blind.’
The film will be directed by David Lynch, who has abandoned the Shia project in order to ‘fulfil a childhood dream.’