CHARLIE SHEEN TIGER KING AUDITION – ‘ERRATIC’

With the Joe Exotic dramatization soon to stream on NBC’s service Peacock, details have leaked about others who auditioned for the lead role. An insider at NBC has confirmed the Charlie Sheen Tiger King audition was ‘erratic’ at best. We spoke to a NBC insider about the now infamous Charlie Sheen Tiger King audition.

What Can You Tell Us About The Charlie Sheen Tiger King Audition?

It was the damnedest thing I’d ever seen. He came staggering in through the doors talking real loud on the phone to his agent. He was yelling about his residuals for The Wraith Part 3, which I’m pretty sure doesn’t exist. And he kept changing the name of who he was speaking to and what language he was speaking in. It was fucking bizarre.

Perhaps He Was Trying To Make An Impression?

He sure did that. He carried on with the ‘call’ for about five minutes. But then with no warning, he threw what turned out to be a plastic phone right at my head. Luckily it missed and smashed against the wall behind me. He laughed, took a bow and said, “Aaaaaand scene! How about that for acting? I don’t even have an agent, she fired me months ago.”

That Sounds Pretty Weird

That aint the half of it. He was dressed in a scruffy purple suit with a green waistcoat. His hair was also dyed green and he had smudged white face paint and smeared lipstick on his mouth. I said to him, “Charlie, I think you may be a bit confused. We’re auditioning for Joe King, not The Jo-ker.” And he stared back at me like I was an idiot. “What the fuck are you talking about? I know this is for the part of Joe King. This is what I always wear to auditions, ever since The Wraith back in the 80s. It’s my lucky suit.” I then said to him, “But what about the makeup?”

And…?

Do you know what that crazy motherfucker did then? He walked over to the window, looked at his reflection and studied his face, real close. About a minute later he said in all sincerity, “What makeup?” He then made ringing noises and mimed taking a phone out of his pocket. He apologized and said he had to take this and walked out of the room. We never saw him again.

Jesus.

You said it man. I keep my doors double bolted at night now. Crazy fucker scared the shit out of me.

JOE EXOTIC STREAMS ON NBC’S PEACOCK CHANNEL SOON

NEW PHOTO OF CHARLIE SHEEN CAUSES CONCERN

HOLLYWOOD – Charlie Sheen photo causes concern

Charlie Sheen is the center of concerns after a new photo appeared on the internet. The photograph appeared to show the Two and a Half Men star in a state of advanced decrepitude. Sheen Watcher Allery Paintbox told the Studio Exec:

I’ve seen some photos of Charlie in the past. I mean from the Playboy mansion and other situations and I have to say: this is the worse.

The Portrait of Mr Sheen

charlie sheen
Charlie Sheen

The photograph was taken yesterday as Mr Sheen walked close by his Venice Beach residence. He wears a hat and an affable devil may care glint still shines from his eyes. But his face that had once epitomized innocence in films such as Platoon and Wall Street now looks like Ron Perlman’s nut sack.

Celebrity stuntman Tom Cruise expressed concern. ‘He looks old,’ said the Mission Impossible star.

Concerns about the hard living son of Martin Sheen have been rife. Known for his wild lifestyle, involving sex, drugs, drinks and parties, the star resides in a strange limbo, somewhere between curiosity and freak, reminiscent of Gary Glitter at the peak of his fame. His career as an actor stalled after several wild interviews and an appearance in a Scary Movie.

Scary Movie 8 is out in 2021.

 

CHARLIE SHEEN DONATES HIS HARD DRIVE TO THE SMITHSONIAN

HOLLYWOOD – Hot Shots Part Deux star Charlie Sheen has donated his hard drive to the Smithsonian.

Wall Street and Platoon star Charlie Sheen is more famous today for ‘winning’, having dragon’s blood and once being married to Denise Richards. However, he has affirmed his place in American history by donating his hard drive to the Smithsonian Institute.

A spokesperson for the Smithsonian told the Studio Exec EXCLUSIVELY:

As an institution, we are utterly stoked about Mr. Sheen’s endowment. The digital resources we will receive include his hard drive, but also his search and browsing history. Mr. Sheen being Mr. Sheen he never used incognito or any of the other disguised browsing methods and so his behavior online will be transparent and visible as will his archive of images and videos which we believe to be extensive and to include some of the less famous actresses of recent years.

But how historical is all this?

Erm. On a scale of Napoleon’s diary to yesterday’s shopping list, this is must closer to a bag of cat biscuits and a quart of orange juice than ‘la liberté ou la mort’.

Charlie Sheen himself declared that he was happy that his life would not be a complete waste of everyone’s time, lost in a haze of hedonism and lost promise. ‘Finallly, my dad can be proud of something when he sees how much time I spent on PornHub,’ he said.

Charlie Sheen’s new film Slags comes out Tuesday next.

THE MAKING OF PLATOON

HOLLYWOOD – In our new series ‘The Making of…’ we go behind the scenes, using previously unseen letters, diaries and documents, of a major motion picture landmark of cinema. This week Platoon.

The Idea.

The original idea for Platoon came to Oliver Stone when he was a schoolboy in 1956. He writes in his unpublished autobiography A Stone’s Throw:

I was a dreamy kid. I’d look out of the windows and wonder about movies I’d like to make. I don’t know if it was seeing something on television but I really wanted to make a film about a young marine who goes to a South East Asian country and becomes torn between two rival Sergeants. Of course Vietnam wasn’t going to get going for some years, but when it did I knew that this was the perfect opportunity for me to research the script that I still intended to write and so that’s what I did.

Casting.

Martin Sheen was originally approached to play the role of Chris Taylor but after several years had passed with Stone unable to secure financing Sheen pulled out. This is the letter he wrote to Oliver Stone:

Hey Ollie,

I’m sorry it has to end this way but I simply can no longer commit to the role of ‘Chris’ in your film, Platoon. I’m getting too old for the role and as written it resembles too closely my part in Apocalypse Now. I feel guilty about leaving you high and dry so I have a suggestion to make and I hope you will take it in good spirit. I have a son who is a very accomplished actor and physically resembles me in some way. I wouldn’t want to be accused of nepotism so I’d insist you audition him properly, but it might be a solution for you. I’ve included Emilio’s address should you want to go with that.

Production.

The filming took place in the Philippines which was then under the rule of the dictator Marcos. Condition were tough and Tom Berenger, who played Sergeant Bob Barnes complained of Oliver Stone’s commitment to realism in this letter to his girlfriend Lisa Williams:

Ollie is one tough son of a bitch. He sent us through basic training so that we would move like soldiers and achieve a basic sense of realism, but now we’re doing the fight scenes, we’re beginning to worry. He wants to use live ammo! He says squibs always look fake. I have to shoot Willem [Dafoe] and goddamn it, if he doesn’t actually want me to shoot him! When I questioned him, he yelled at me to ‘respect his process’ as he reloaded my MK 47. What could I do? I’m not going back to the soaps! I aimed to miss vital organs, but give Ollie his due, the dailies look great and we’re all very happy. Willem has been flown back to the states for surgery. Apparently the bullet is lodged in there quite tightly.

Post-Production.

Music would play a fundamental role in the success of the film and Stone commissioned Georges Delerue to score the picture. However, the composer of such iconic French films as Jules et Jim and Le Mepris would run into difficulty with his American director. He wrote to Francois Truffaut:

These Americans! Sacre Bleu! as we French say all the time. The emotional core of the film is when the Sergeant is shot but reappears chased by the enemy and dies in a Christ-like pose. M. Stone told me to write something like Samuel Barber’s Adagio. It’s a saccharine piece of twaddle but what am I going to do. I try my best but every time I play him my work, he says ‘no! I want it like the Barber piece’. Finally I told him to just use the Barber piece and that’s exactly what he ended did. I should have stayed in Paris, but now at least I’ve got the job of doing the music to Three Men and a Baby.

Platoon was released in 1986.

FIRST LOOK AT BILLY ZANE AS BRANDO IN MAKING APOCALYPSE

HOLLYWOOD – First photographs of Billy Zane as Marlon Brando in Todd Haynes’ new movie ‘Making Apocalypse’ released.

Billy Zane stars as Marlon Brando in new movie Making Apocalypse. The film tells the story of the filming of Francis Ford Coppola’s Vietnam epic Apocalypse Now. Director Todd Haynes spoke with the Studio Exec EXCLUSIVELY:

We focus on the arrival of Marlon Brando. Coppola had shot much of the film but he needed Brando for the third act. He’d only managed to secure the actor for a number of days and at huge expense. When he arrived Brando was out of shape and didn’t know his lines, so Coppola sat with him and read him Heart of Darkness the Joseph Conrad novel that the film was based on.

How did Billy approach the role?

In many ways, Billy Zane is our Brando. If you look at his work in Titanic or Dead Calm, basically any of the films when he’s in a boat and he is superb. Take him onto dry land and I agree he struggles.

Right.

Here the challenge was obviously enormous. But Billy wanted to respect Brando and so he decided to follow in Brando’s footsteps.

He employed the method?

He ate a lot, refused to learn his lines and charged us an arm and a leg.

The film also stars Seth Rogen as Francis Ford Coppola and James Franco as Dennis Hopper. Although Charlie Sheen was originally cast to play the role of Martin Sheen, the role has since gone to British actor Michael Sheen.

Making Apocalypse will be released in 2020.

BILL COSBY DUKES OF HAZZARD CROSS-OVER IN DOUBT

HOLLYWOOD – The Dukes of Hazzard reboot starring Bill Cosby has been placed in serious doubt, and might be cancelled before a single episode has been broadcast.

The reboot of Eighties classic Dukes of Hazzard was to star Bill Cosby in the role of Luke Duke. A synopsis published earlier this year reads:

With nostalgia for the 80s at its height, The Dukes of Hazzard is to join forces with the star of The Cosby Show for a new version which will amuse and entertain young and old. Luke Duke (Bill Cosby) returns to the farm an old man but raring to get into high jinx with his brother Bo (John Schneider) and sister Daisy (Catherine Bach). However, Boss Hog (Michael Richards) and Sheriff Roscoe Coltrane (Charlie Sheen) are hell bent on trapping the Duke brothers and sending them to jail. With their hot rod car the General Lee and its trademark Dixieland flag, watch as the Dukes of Hazzard provide roaring fun for all the family.

So far both production company and the studio have been quiet about  exactly why the show has been seemingly shelved.

Veteran television watcher and author of ‘It’s only a Show!’ Marcus Plott told the Studio Exec:

I don’t get it. This show has the makings of a hit. Not only do we have Cosby in the General Lee, we also have the Different Strokes thing going on, what with him being a black fella! There was even going to be a cameo from the Duck Dynasty boys. I do hope that this doesn’t turn out to be a permanent delay.

Bill Cosby’s Dukes of Hazzard will be delayed indefinitely.

Image courtesy of @ThePixelFactor.

THE MAKING OF PLATOON

HOLLYWOOD – In our new series ‘The Making of…’ we go behind the scenes, using previously unseen letters, diaries and documents, of a major motion picture landmark of cinema. This week Platoon.

The Idea.

The original idea for Platoon came to Oliver Stone when he was a schoolboy in 1956. He writes in his unpublished autobiography A Stone’s Throw:

I was a dreamy kid. I’d look out of the windows and wonder about movies I’d like to make. I don’t know if it was seeing something on television but I really wanted to make a film about a young marine who goes to a South East Asian country and becomes torn between two rival Sergeants. Of course Vietnam wasn’t going to get going for some years, but when it did I knew that this was the perfect opportunity for me to research the script that I still intended to write and so that’s what I did.

Casting.

Martin Sheen was originally approached to play the role of Chris Taylor but after several years had passed with Stone unable to secure financing Sheen pulled out. This is the letter he wrote to Oliver Stone:

Hey Ollie,

I’m sorry it has to end this way but I simply can no longer commit to the role of ‘Chris’ in your film, Platoon. I’m getting too old for the role and as written it resembles too closely my part in Apocalypse Now. I feel guilty about leaving you high and dry so I have a suggestion to make and I hope you will take it in good spirit. I have a son who is a very accomplished actor and physically resembles me in some way. I wouldn’t want to be accused of nepotism so I’d insist you audition him properly, but it might be a solution for you. I’ve included Emilio’s address should you want to go with that.

Production.

The filming took place in the Philippines which was then under the rule of the dictator Marcos. Condition were tough and Tom Berenger, who played Sergeant Bob Barnes complained of Oliver Stone’s commitment to realism in this letter to his girlfriend Lisa Williams:

Ollie is one tough son of a bitch. He sent us through basic training so that we would move like soldiers and achieve a basic sense of realism, but now we’re doing the fight scenes, we’re beginning to worry. He wants to use live ammo! He says squibs always look fake. I have to shoot Willem [Dafoe] and goddamn it, if he doesn’t actually want me to shoot him! When I questioned him, he yelled at me to ‘respect his process’ as he reloaded my MK 47. What could I do? I’m not going back to the soaps! I aimed to miss vital organs, but give Ollie his due, the dailies look great and we’re all very happy. Willem has been flown back to the states for surgery. Apparently the bullet is lodged in there quite tightly.

Post-Production.

Music would play a fundamental role in the success of the film and Stone commissioned Georges Delerue to score the picture. However, the composer of such iconic French films as Jules et Jim and Le Mepris would run into difficulty with his American director. He wrote to Francois Truffaut:

These Americans! Sacre Bleu! as we French say all the time. The emotional core of the film is when the Sergeant is shot but reappears chased by the enemy and dies in a Christ-like pose. M. Stone told me to write something like Samuel Barber’s Adagio. It’s a saccharine piece of twaddle but what am I going to do. I try my best but every time I play him my work, he says ‘no! I want it like the Barber piece’. Finally I told him to just use the Barber piece and that’s exactly what he ended did. I should have stayed in Paris, but now at least I’ve got the job of doing the music to Three Men and a Baby.

Platoon was released in 1986.

 

MICHAEL SHEEN DISOWNS BROTHER CHARLIE

HOLLYWOOD – Masters of Sex star Michael Sheen shocked friends and family today when he disowned his brother, tiger blood owner and a self-proclaimed master of sex Charlie Sheen.

Speaking to Studio Exec EXCLUSIVELY, the star of The Damned United and Frost/Nixon said:

Charlie Sheen? No, he’s not my brother. We have the same last name but that’s as far as it goes.

So you’re not on speaking terms?

No. I mean I’ve not had the opportunity.

How does your father Martin Sheen feel about this estrangement?

Martin Sheen is not my father.

Wow! So you’re disowning your father as well?

I’m not disowning him. I’m just telling you that we’re not related. There’s no blood relation. He’s just – again – got the same name as me.

Emilio Estevez…

No relation. Not even the same name.

What caused this rupture? I mean, I can understand Charlie’s a bit of a loose cannon but Emilio and Martin? They seem to be fairly nice people.

Look I see where you’re going with this but it really is a complete waste of my time, your time and your readers’ time. Why aren’t you asking the real questions a journalist should ask.

For instance?

Why Patrick Stewart has refused to acknowledged his daughter Kristen Stewart all these years.

Already done Michael. Already done (and for more on that story click here).

Okay. Fair enough, I’ll tell you. I was the youngest of the Sheen litter. From day one Charlie and Emilio were held up to me as shining examples and I was disgraced because due to a genetic defect I was born with this weird British accent. Martin Sheen might be a wonderful president on the West Wing, but as a father he was cold and distant, often refusing to communicate with me except via registered post. If I put something on Facebook about how well I’m doing he always comments ‘dislike’. And you ask me why I don’t talk to them? Do you know what last Thanksgiving was like? They’re talking about Apocalypse Now, Repo Man and Wall Street. I try to say something about Underworld and they all do that weird shrill scream I did in Twilight until I stopped talking. Is that your definition of a family? So there’s your answer.

Masters of Sex is on Showtime.

EMILIO ESTEVEZ KILLED IN ICE BUCKET CHALLENGE

HOLLYWOOD – Tragedy struck today, as the ice bucket challenge claimed its first victim: Mighty Ducks star and film director, Emilio Estevez.

Estevez has been nominated by Jean Paul Vincent and was – friends reported – excited to fulfil his role and donate some money to a good cause. The bucket was prepared and all seemed to be going well when the ice bucket was dropped, but then Estevez collapsed in some sort of fit and something was obviously terribly wrong.

A spokesperson for the Cedar Mount Hospital said:

A man was rushed to hospital and we can confirm that it was indeed the Mighty Ducks star Emilio Estevez. Reportedly a bucket of ice was dropped on his head as a video camera captured the moment. But it turned out Mr. Estevez was allergic to ice.

Our medical expert, Dr Eugene Palley told the Studio Exec, that though ice allergy is extremely rare, ‘It does actually exist and isn’t just some crap you made up.’

What people don’t understand is that the ice bucket challenge has a whole slew of dangers. The dangers of hypothermia, heart attack, bucket concussion.  I’m delighted to say this was just an accident waiting to happen and hopefully will be a lesson to all those participating in this ludicrous narcissism thinly disguised as philanthropy to be careful to nominate people they really, really don’t like.

The world media was stunned, though the surprise was due mainly to the fact that the fatality was Emilio and not Charlie, who earlier this week had done the same challenge but knowing his medical history with ice was dubious he used money instead. Now many are calling for the dangerous ice bucket challenge to be made illegal and anyone who has previously done the ice bucket challenge to be arrested and put in special detention camps indefinitely.

Emilio Estevez was 52.

HOLLYWOOD TO INTRODUCE COMPULSORY DOPE TESTS

HOLLYWOOD – The Producer’s Guild today welcomed news that an industry wide dope testing authority – similar to that used in competitive sport – is going to be introduced in the Fall.

The Entertainment Industry Controlled Substances Agency will be self-funded by contributions from the studios it will regulate and will carry out random drugs tests, as well as annual mandatory tests to anyone currently involved in the film making and television business.

Matt Hoebord of the Producers Guild said:

For too long have people been taking drugs willfully and gaining an advantage on those of us who prefer clean living and Christian values. If we could take away Oscars retrospectively from those who made them films on drugs, the winners’ board would look a lot different. The Wizard of Oz for instance…!? 

 Although some voiced concern about a breach in civil liberties and even the death of certain Hollywood traditions such as driving while smoking a crack pipe along Sunset Boulevard, the news has largely been welcomed. Charlie Sheen said:
This is really going to take the pressure off. The film making and TV shows and what not really bite into your drug schedule. This way, I’ll be able to devote my time doing what I love without distraction. And being doing what I love I mean ‘winning’.
Answering critics who said the new authority will stifle creativity Hoebard replied:

A similar authority has been up and running in the music industry since the late eighties and no one, no one has noticed a drop of quality in… the … okay wait that’s a bad example. 

Lance Armstrong – who was set to star in Expendables 4 – issued a two word press release:

F*ck sandwich. 

For more Movie News, Click Here.

ANGUS T. JONES REFUSES TO GROW A DECENT BEARD

COLORADO – Former child star of uber-popular sitcom Two and a Half Men where he played the hilarious half, Jake Harper, Angus T. Jones has once more shocked the world with a statement in which he explicitly refuses to grow a decent beard.

His statement reads:

It is against my Christian beliefs which I hold very close to my heart to grow a proper man bush. This scraggly pubic horror that you see lingering here beneath my nose and mouth is a sign that I am not pray to the vanity that currently disgusts me and any right minded Christian folk. If the Lord wishes to remove this abomination from my face, then he in his Almighty goodness could do so with even the lightest of breezes. That breeze is yet to come.

Many have criticized Charlie Sheen for encouraging the young actor, but blame has also fallen on Ashton Kutcher who has a record of sporting less than totally convincing facial herbage.  Mr. Kutcher could not be reached as he is currently engaged to marry Mila Kunis and, well…

Christian groups however have also come out and criticized Jones. Pastor Hampton, a theologian of mustaches, beards, whiskers and goatees told Studio Exec:

Mr. Jones is being very restrictive in his reading of the Bible. Although Leviticus does state ‘Lo! Bless the growth upon thy chops be it never so scrawny and look not away at another man’s beard with envy’. But we know for a FACT that Moses and Noah had beards. And we’re talking Sequoias in comparison to Angus’ butt fluff. And were they not holy men?

 However Jones is unrepentant and his sect – Church of the Barefaced Jesus – is also fully supportive. ‘It is a fact,’ said the head of the sect Barney Stump. ‘That our Lord Christ is depicted in the earliest renderings as a bare faced youth. The beard was only added by the Byzantines later, where a beard was a symbol of kingship.’

If you have a view on Angus T. Jones’ beard please use the comment box below to leave your thought droppings.  

PUNK’D: ASHTON KUTCHER AND DEMI MOORE NOT REALLY DIVORCING

HOLLYWOOD – We only have ourselves to blame. Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore – the romance of the millennium, the fairy story that look set to end in acrimony and scandal – will actually continue.

The separation and divorce announced and filed December 2012, has turned out to be yet another elaborate gag on the part of the irrepressible Ashton Kutcher.

‘Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha,’ said Mr. Kutcher to the three journalists who turned up to the press conference. ‘HA! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Phew. There, now you’ve been Punk’d by the master perhaps (and this is the serious point me and Demi wanted to make) you won’t be so quick to gloat at the failing of a celebrity marriage between an Amazonian beauty and a youngster who’s famous for pretty much nothing.’ 

The fake separation was greet with expressions of joy also by Ms. Moore’s ex, Bruce Willis, who found out about it when he turned up to Demi Moore’s house with a huge bouquet of flowers, a diamond re-engagement ring and champagne on ice. ‘Oh…’ he said, with a small choking sound. ‘That’s wonderful. And funny. I suppose. Does anyone know where the nearest bar is from here?’ 

3 Other Famous Kutcher Japes

1. Convincing everyone that abstemious book worm Charlie Sheen was actually a wild party animal, Kutcher through hacking Sheen’s phone managed to create an impression of such staggering instability that Sheen was booted off his incredibly successful sit-com Two and a Half Men. To make it even funnier, he was replaced by … Ashton Kutcher! HA!

2.  During the filming of The Guardian, he convinced Kevin Costner that the film was actually about the British newspaper The Guardian and Costner spent six months in their London offices doing research which proved useless when it came to filming the scenes as a Coast Guard rescue swimmer. 

3. Prior to filming Jobs Kutcher told everyone he had read the script when as a matter of fact he still hasn’t. 

Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher will be divorcing again next week for anyone who missed it.  

THE MACHETE KILLS RETIREMENT HOME

Robert Rodriguez has announced plans to use all money from his umpteenth action movie pastiche Machete Kills to build a retirement home for otherwise unemployable ‘actors’. If the tired irony of the first film wasn’t enough in giving a late career boost to the likes of Danny Trejo, Don Johnson and Steven Seagal, the latest chapter dishes career hall passes to Mel Gibson and Charlie Sheen, as well as ‘it doesn’t matter if they can act’ roles to Jessica Alba and Lady Gaga, and – most surprising of all – El Blocco of Woodo, Antonio Banderas.
The Predators director admitted that offering a service to actors he admired was all part of the rationale:

Look we have some tequila, boom boom, we black out and the next morning Kyle Ward comes round and gathers the napkins and types them up. So that’s the script.Then we pick up the National Enquirer and the casting process begins.

However, Lindsay Lohan revealed recently that Rodriguez’s motives aren’t as humanitarian as he makes out.

The fact of the matter is he preys on the carcasses of rotten fame. We get to do a role, we do the old wink-wink to our crimes and misdemeanours, we gain some credibility, but he pays us practically nothing. I did Machete for one choice of the Taco Bell lunch menu. I shit you not. I got cinnamon twists and a double decker taco. And I was billed for the twists.

The new Machete Kills Retirement Home for F*cked Up Actors will be built in Malibu entirely from recycled glossies. Rodriguez said, ‘It’s cheap and environmentally friendly’.

  

LINDSAY LOHAN NOT ARRESTED

HOLLYWOOD – Hollywood today was in a state of shock as news spread that Lindsay Lohan had not been arrested today. Some stood in the street and stared at the sky; others resorted to churches or quiet places in the woods to contemplate the new order of the universe.

How could it be? was the question on everyone’s lips. Lindsay Lohan had not been arrested, nor had she appeared before a judge, nor had she been photographed leaving a courthouse. It is the 29th of March, 2013. There is no need to mark it down. History has already done so.

Jason Pearl – veteran Lohan watcher and author of the study Lohan’s Run – said that it was bound to happen one day:

Just the laws of probability said it would. This is no real mystery but still… it is one thing saying an asteroid might hit the Earth, it is something else when that happens.

Some have argued that the rehab lock-down that Lindsay is due to undergo in May might have had an impact on her behavior  Charlie Sheen – a close friend of Ms. Lohan – believes that Lohan’s recent anomalous behavior is down to her switching her reading from Nietzsche to Wittgenstein: ‘She’s abandoned the superficial railing of egocentric existentialism for something more structured and logical.’