Charlie Sheen and Michael Sheen

LONDON – Respected Welsh actor Michael Sheen is set to take the London West End by storm next Fall after signing on to play the lead role of Charlie Sheen in Andrew Lloyd Webber’s long awaited musical Mr Sheen.

“We looked at various actors for the lead,” said Lloyd Webber.

Anthony Hopkins, Ian Holm, Patrick Stewart were all auditioned but due to the extreme physicality of the role nobody would insure us unless we hired an actor under the age of 60. Michael Sheen is young and fit with relatively low cholesterol. So combine that with his acting prowess, he’s the ideal candidate.

Lloyd Webber went on to outline the plot details:

Mr Sheen is a collection of significant events in the life and career of Charlie Sheen, spanning thirty years. Beginning on the set of Platoon, we skip forward to his roles in Wall Street,  Eight Men Out and Hot Shots. Basically those are the only half decent films he has made and the gaps in between are filled with bad movies, orgies with porn stars and cocaine and alcohol abuse. Eventually he manages to get his shit together and ends up getting paid millions to star in a marginally amusing sitcom but after a few seasons he goes mad, returns to the coke and orgies and gets replaced by Ashton Kutcher. I mean seriously, can you imagine what kind of toll that would take on the human mind, being replaced by Ashton Kutcher.

Michael Sheen is rumored to have been living in a penthouse in Las Vegas for the last three months, trying to get into character but Webber says reports of numerous heart attacks and an arrest for attempting to snort a police car are unfounded.

Michael is a pro. Sure we had some teething problems but that was back when we had Charlie on board on a advisory capacity. He took Michael out one night to show him some of the bars he used to drink at and three weeks later we found him in the depths of the Amazon Jungle. He was with a native tribe and had apparently declared himself a living God. It took us a while to convince him to return but eventually he returned and he’s managed to cut down to three porn stars and two bottles of Jack Daniels a day.

Mr Sheen will open at the Prince of Wales theater in September 2014.