DONALD TRUMP EXPELS SCOTT BAIO BY ACCIDENT

WASHINGTON – President Donald Trump accidentally expelled Scott Baio earlier today.

‘I thought he was an illegal!’ A panicked Donald Trump allegedly yelled at his White House after signing an executive order that expelled Happy Days star Scott Baio.

The kerfuffle came when President Trump’s pen ran out of ink while signing executive orders to stop poor people from using gravity. Sean Spicer told the Studio Exec EXCLUSIVELY:

An exciting moment and President Trump turns to me. And said: ‘We should expel Scott Baio.’ I was taken aback. But I immediately got the Executive Order written up and he signed it. It was only later I was told he had actually said ‘Has anyone got a biro?’ which admittedly doesn’t sound that similar.

The order states that Charles in Charge actor Scott Baio has 12 hours to leave the territory of the United States of America or he will be seized and forcibly removed.

Baio was seen to be hastily gathering his belongings including his 1981 Most Promising Performer TV Award and tearfully waving goodbye to his wife and children, who have elected to stay.

SCOTT BAIO HAS ‘A BLACK FRIEND’

HOLLYWOOD – Former Happy Days and Charles in Charge star Scott Baio today revealed he was not a racist because of his black friend.

You know him as Charles from Charles in Charge, or perhaps better still as Chachi from Happy Days, maybe you know his extensive pop album catalog or the hilarious comedy Zapped!, but superstar Scott Baio is in trouble following a tweet taking a swing of Michelle Obama. Accusations of racism were quick to follow, but Baio defended the joke and his own political probity and lack of racism with the claim that he has a black friend. Or at least his wife does.

And we can be sure that if she’s a good friend of Mrs Baio, she’ll be a good friend of Scott’s. I wouldn’t presume to bring someone’s wife into an argument, especially not in a disparaging way. It would be a tasteless move. Not classy. Not at all. Because I can see from Scott’s twitter feed how often he brings up his own wife and how loving he is of her, what a great relationship they seem to have. And to attack her to get at him – because of his endorsement of Donald Trump for instance – well, that would just be low. So given that Scott has a black friend and therefore isn’t racist, and is happily married and wouldn’t dream of going after a guy’s wife, just because they don’t see eye to eye in politics, then we can only assume that the tweet was posted by someone else and that Scott will report that person to the FBI.

Unhappy Days will be released by Netflix next month.

SCOTT BAIO TO STAR IN SEQUEL TO THE QUEEN

HOLLYWOOD – Legendary American actor Scott Baio is to star in a sequel to Helen Mirren’s Oscar winner The Queen. Charles in Charge is set in the near future and sees the onset of a succession crisis, as Prince Charles struggles with his own children, a vicious daughter-in-law and his own unpopularity following the abdication of his mother Queen Elizabeth II. 

Chachi said: 

I’m delighted finally to get a role that will stretch me. I mean, it’s no secret that the phone has stopped ringing and if it wasn’t for the wonderful though sporadic work I pick up on the cruise ships things could really have gone hard for me. 

A former Happy Days alumnus is also in action behind the camera, as Ron Howard has replaced Stephen Frears where he’ll be shouting ‘action’ and ‘cut’ in his own inimitable way. 

I’m fascinated by the British monarchy as I think all Americans are. And yet there is a moment of great uncertainty approaching. Elizabeth the second has been on the throne now for decades and most young people have never known another ruling monarch. So the future is laden with some real possibilities and as we know from Shakespeare, power struggles of this kind can be fascinating.

Scott Baio continues:

When I first met with Ron to talk about the script, he told me there were two reasons he wanted me. Number one, he believed I had never truly got an opportunity to show the world what a great actor I was. And number two, he thought the joke with the name of an old show I was in and the idea of playing with that was irresistible.

Of the two reasons he gave which one do you thing weighed heaviest?

I’d have to say the second one.

Charles in Charge will be released in 2016.