JUPITER ASCENDING 2 ‘WILL HAVE SMALLER BUDGET’

HOLLYWOOD – Following the high profile flop of Jupiter Ascending, few thought that a sequel was likely or desirable but a scaled down Jupiter Ascending sequel is now on the cards.

The Wachowski Sisters are to direct a sequel to last year’s Jupiter Ascending, it has been revealed, but with a much reduced budget. Mila Kunis will not return as Jupiter Jones, the Earth woman who takes on the villains, nor will Channing Tatum as the hybrid man-dog Caine Wise. They have been replaced by Lindsay Lohan and Hayden Christensen.

The Wachowskis slipped into the Studio Exec bungalow to talk EXCLUSIVELY about the new pic.

Lana said:

We really roasted the studio on the last one and there was no way in this solar system that they would put up the money to take a bath on the sequel as well. And yet we still felt that we had a story to tell. A truly compelling story.

Lilly: Yeah, there was no way they were going to help us out unless we cut the money right back. Mila and Channing were really cool about it. We showed them what we intended to do about the story and how we couldn’t afford them anymore and they seemed really happy.

Lana: True professionals.

LIlly: So then we got Lindsay Lohan and Hayden Christensen.

So they were cheaper?

Lana: $5000 each.

That’s amazingly cheap!

Lilly: We felt bad asking them for more.

Oh, they’re paying?

Lana: Er, yeah.

And the story?

Lilly: What story?

Lana: The story is a continuation, but instead of having lots of expensive effects it’s going to take place in a garage that needs tidying up.

Lilly: We do have some exteriors of lawns being mown and basic landscape gardening being done. And the style is going to be a lot more handheld.

Lana: As if filmed on a phone.

Lilly: And we’re changing the title.

Jupiter Descending will be released in 2020.

Image courtesy of @ThePixelFactor.

JJ ABRAMS TO REMAKE JAPAN

HOLLYWOOD – JJ Abrams is to remake Japan, the country.

Star Trek, Force Awakens and Lost director JJ Abrams announced his project to remake the country of Japan.

It is going to be phenomenal. We’re going to take the whole country and repopulate it with Emma Stone, Scarlett Johansson and Channing Tatum.

The news came soon after the announcement of Abrams’ other project: a live action remake of Anime Your Name. With concerns about white washing Asian characters still very much alive the Studio Exec asked Abrams how he would address concerns:

Oh yeah. We’ve thought about that. You see Japan as it exists today is full of Asian people because of where it is. But we’re going to remake it just off the coast of San Francisco and so that problem just goes away. The story of Japan is just so universal. We don’t need to worry about this or that cultural norm because isn’t everything really about white people anyway?

Japan will be available in the Pacific Ocean from January.

DAMON LINDELOF’S BLADE RUNNER 2049 EMAIL

HOLLYWOOD – We publish Damon Lindelof’s email to Ridley Scott. 

Written while Blade Runner 2049 was in development this email sees Damon Lindelof and Ridley Scott discussing possible story ideas for Blade Runner 2049.

The Studio Exec has obtained a copy of the Blade Runner 2049 email. It says things you people wouldn’t believe:

hEY rIDDERS OH WAIT CAPS LOCK


Hey Ridders, Jesus where’s delete? Never mind. I mean. What the hell! Right Scottish? We can fix it in post. It’s the Damon-ster here. I know you said you weren’t sure you wanted me to help you with Blade Runner 2049 but I’ve been thinking really hard about it and I’ve got some ideas things for the plot like concept of the story notes perhaps. So here goes. 


The years is 2072, right? OK and Deckard’s like this old Blade Runner. And he’s got this fresh, brash partner (I’m thinking Shia LaBeouf or perhaps Channing Tatum). OK. And they get a mission to go after the Nexus 17 replicants right. And Deckard has a lot of bullshit from his boss cause he ran off with a replicant and what not and it ended badly, but he only has a week left until his retirement (some comedy here with possible confusion about Deckard being a replicant who’s about to be retired LOL). Anyway they go after the replicants but this time they follow them to the off world colonies and there are like shit loads of chases and what not, and Deckard says (more than once) “I’m getting too old for this shit”. He says it like three or four times, like it’s a RUNNING GAG and ironically it’s because he’s a RUNNER who is too old to RUN. Right?
 
Anyway they meet this really old woman who looks like exactly like Vanessa Redgrave (we can get Guy Pearce for this and put him in an old woman suit) and she’s like Tyrell the 4th or something. And she explains that actually all human beings are replicants because we’ve all been created by a higher power, which is like god but really actually just like super intelligent sperm people. You dig? Anyway, deep shit, deep shit, running, some more deep shit. Then they corner the Nexus 17 and Tyrell in this super dangerous and they could just call for back up, but for some reason (I haven’t worked this bit out but who cares) they just run in guns blazing. Something heavy falls on Tyrell can kills her for no real reason and polar bears start attacking. I know, fantastic, isn’t it?
 
They kill the polar bears or something. then confront Nexus 17 Ray Batty who reveals himself to actually be the son of Deckard and Rachel and Deckard is crying but just completely like blows him away. Fade to Black. A Celine Dion, music Vangelis and with lyrics by moi ‘Tears in Rain’ over credits:
 
I’ve seen things you people wouldn’t believe — eeeeeeve
Polar bears attacking me and my son, 
About Rachel Replicant I grieve — eeeeeeeeve
What have I done, done done
 
SAX SOLO


Blade Runner 2049 will be released in 2017.

       

23 JUMP STREET: MEN IN BLACK ‘THE RESULT OF TOO MUCH TEQUILA’

HOLLYWOOD – It has been revealed that the crossover movie 23 Jump Street: Men in Black will begin filming in June despite being ‘the result of too much tequila’.

Jonah Hill and Channing Tatum are set to return to 23 Jump Street: Men in Black, an ill advised mash up which was inspired by ‘too much tequila’ according to one studio insider.

I think it was someone’s birthday and so a bottle or two had come in and we got to talking and drinking. There was definitely some tequila and then we all went out to a bar. You know bottomless mimosas? Well, it turns out there’s a bottom.

So what happened?

We were shooting our mouths off and writing stuff on napkins and the usual stuff. But we were all out of our brains. Tommy from creative tried to take his trousers off over his head. The next morning … or the one after, I woke up with a soiled mouth and a thousand missed calls. Turns out we’d been green lit.

So Jump Street 23: Men in Black was done?

I didn’t know at the time. I couldn’t remember. We were all sitting in the meeting waiting to see what had been decided, but it could have been the spin off of Big John Little John or the Terrahawks musical that we’d come up with somewhere between the kebab Sunday special and the Jane’s Addiction concert.

But when you did find out you must have been happy?

No. Of course not. We have all these wild ideas but we never thought they’d actually come to anything. Jesus Christ and now we’re going to go into production. Jonah and Channing are on board.

That’s great!

They’re idiots. What do they know? They’re Goddamned actors! Usually getting stoned off your brain means you wake up with ideas written in such bad handwriting it never comes to anything but apparently we had a conference call and now I’m going to have to sell this unholy cow to the world.

  Jump Street 23: Men in Black will be released in 2017.

MAGIC MIKE XXL IMAX 3D CAUSES INJURIES

HOLLYWOOD – In three separate incidents screenings of Magic Mike XXL IMAX 3D have had to be stopped because of injuries ranging from heart palpitations to dislocated wrists.

Magic Mike XXL released on Tuesday has been doing good business ahead of the July 4 weekend, but in several 3D IMAX showings cinema managers have had to call paramedics to treat injured audience members. Cinema manager Carlton Cassonile spoke EXCLUSIVELY to the Studio Exec via Skype:

It’s the darnedest thing. We get a lot of girls coming to the theater in groups, bacholerette parties and what have you. And quite a few gay men too. The experience of Magic Mike XXL is already pretty raucous and we do have to steam clean the upholstery after every screening, but some of these shows have descended into a lurid no-holds barred bacchanalia not seen since the latter half of the Roman Emperor. I swear to God that one of the ladies was so contorted we need fire officers with cutting gear to get her out.

Asked to comment about the incidents, star Channing Tatum simply said:

Huh, huh, yeah. Right. Cutting gear!

Sociologist Xavier Poulis commented:

Films appealing to female sexuality are now becoming huge business. We have Magic Mike XXL, 50 Shades of Grey and – of course – The Second Best Marigold Hotel. All of these films have earned millions of dollars but have also broken the traditional family unit and spilled out what can only be described as a soppingly moist female fervor of sexual ecstasy, the vibrations of which can destroy buildings. Men should be warned of what is taking place, for when their wives and girlfriends come home, they are going to be in a great deal of trouble. If they come home…

Magic Mike XXL is on current release.

 

FIRST LOOK AT COEN BROTHERS’ HAIL, CAESAR!

HOLLYWOOD – The Coen Brothers new film starring George Clooney is not out until 2016 but the Studio Exec got an EXCLUSIVE first look at the film.

In the picture George Clooney can be seen playing Mark Antony opposite Channing Tatum as Caesar. The official synopsis reads:

 Mark Antony (George Clooney) is sent to Egypt by his best friend Julius Caesar (Channing Tatum) where he must negotiate on his behalf with the Egyptian Queen and Caesar’s former lover Cleopatra (Scarlett Johansson). A musical sex-comedy for all the family, featuring songs by Elton John and Karen O.

The movie is currently in production but voices from the set confirm that it seems to be taking its inspiration from the most successful entry in the classic British comedy series Carry On Cleo. Although not billed as a remake, reports suggest that the Coens have been wanting to make a Carry On film for decades. Insider George Clooney told The Studio Exec EXCLUSIVELY and on condition of anonymity:

Both Joel and Ethan are huge Carry On nuts. Almost all of their films begin from a Carry On film and then kind of change of they go. The working title of Fargo was Carry On Wood Chipping. The Big Lebowski was called Carry On Toking. And No Country for Old Men was originally entitled Carry On Stealing Money from Mexican Drug Cartels. Amazing. I’ve even seen the original posters when the film still had that title. Worth a pretty penny these days.

Hail, Caesar! will be released in February, 2016.

JUPITER ASCENDING: REVIEW

JUPITER ASCENDING: REVIEW – Jupiter Ascending – directed by the bafflingly employed Wachowksis – is a film that aspires to the grandiose adventure, excitement, well written dialogue, fully fledged characters and kinetic direction of Star Wars 2: Attack of the Clones. And fails.

Mila Kunis plays Jupiter ‘Ascending’ Jones daughter of an astronomer who is shot by Russian gangsters. Don’t worry, that he is an astronomer doesn’t matter nor that he is shot by Russian… who are they anyway? Gangsters? Burglars? Again don’t worry that’s just random event number one in what is going to be a tiring journey through the plot equivalent of chaos theory. Jupiter cleans toilets and her mother – originally a mathematician we are told, has now become a drudge and her Russian family have happily become semi-racist stereotypes. She’s not happy cleaning toilets and has decided to raise money selling her ovaries so that she can buy a golden telescope because her father was an astronomer – oh so it is important, an astronomer by the way who spends his time peering through the telescope in the middle of a city or in the living room. But don’t worry by random chance all her DNA is exactly the same of the old Queen of the Universe and so she is now hunted by the Queen’s children – including silly Eddie Redmayne – to be variously exploited and/or killed. To the rescue comes Channing Tatum as Teen Wolf/Albino/ pixie/Birdman/Starlight Express wannabe. Although not to the rescue because he’s working for one of the siblings. Oh and bees love her, or at least don’t sting her, which you have to say, as a perk for being Queen of the Universe, is pretty modest.

Do you remember that idea of the room full of monkeys with typewriters and infinity typing the complete works of Shakespeare? Well, this is the first draft. It’s nods to other films – Brazil, The Fifth Element, Blade Runner and Attack of the Clones – only make you wish you were watching other films. Yes, even Attack of the Clones. The dialogue is cloth-eared; the humor flat; the characters motivated by stunning dumbness. Jupiter makes you realize how fantastic a character Katniss Everdeen is. Where The Hunger Games is about a young girl becoming a rebel and a fighter, Jupiter is wetter than Dale Arden, endlessly rescued from her own stupid decisions. It’s as if  the Wachowskis are hell bent on giving young women a role model of domestic acquiescence who in the end learns to get up early and clean toilets cheerfully.

When Warner Bros. denied they were burying Jupiter Ascending in February (from a Summer Blockbuster spot), no one really believed them. It’s only a pity they couldn’t have literally buried the film somewhere where it wouldn’t have been found.

For more Reviews CLICK HERE.

ROLAND EMMERICH TALKS FACEBOOK DOWN MOVIE

HOLLYWOOD – For most of us it was a vaguely irritating absence of a social networking site but for Roland Emmerich it was a movie idea: Facebook Down will hit screens later this year.

The 2012 director spoke to the Studio Exec EXCLUSIVELY:

I’ve been wanting to make a picture like the Social Network for years, but the problem was it was all yackety yak. You really need something a bit more exciting to happen than for one rich guy to do over another rich guy and hurt their feelings. So when Facebook went down today, I thought this is it. Here I go. I’ve got Aaron Eckhart to play the terrorist Mr. MySpace, Jamie Foxx will reprise his role as President Broback Obamack. Channing Tatum is on board again as the male stripper turned head of presidential security, Mike. When this movie comes out, you’ll like it.

I certainly hope so.

No I mean you’ll like it. As in you’ll click that little thumbs up button.

Oh I get it.

Then why aren’t you laughing?

Ha. Ha ha.

The story is simple. Myspace is wracked with jealousy at the success of Jesse Eisenberg’s Facebook, so with the help of Eisenberg’s arch enemy Spider-Man (Andrew Garfield), he goes in and creates a glitch, threatening the world with no way of saying what’s on their mind. Unless they have twitter.

Facebook Down will be released Tuesday. 

MARK SCHULTZ HATES FOXCATCHER: ‘NO FOXES CAUGHT’

HOLLYWOOD – The new Foxcatcher movie directed by Bennett Miller has received an unbelievable social media attack by its very subject Mark Schultz.

The wrestler – who is played by Channing Tatum in the movie – had previously supported the film, but after the publication of his own book How to Actually Catch Foxes in November he seems to have changed his mind about the film.

He tweeted yesterday:

In the movie I am portrayed as someone who rarely even approaches a fox whereas in reality me and my brother caught a shit ton of foxes. We didn’t need John DuPont (Steve Carrell) to catch foxes, even though he had a ranch called Foxcatcher, we just went out and caught them. And the film doesn’t have one single scene where we caught a fox.

Director Bennett Miller was unavailable for comment, but did a face.

FOXCATCHER: REVIEW

FOXCATCHER: REVIEW – Steve Carrell plays Mr. Burns from The Simpsons as he uses his money and influence to help build a wrestling team with Magic Mike (Channing Tatum) and his brother, the Hulk (Mark Ruffalo).

Capote and Moneyball director Bennett Miller continues his love of single word titles and his forensic exploration of the behind the scenes of competitive sport. Based on a bizarre true story, Carrell is John duPont, a multimillionaire whose taste for wrestling  sees him finance and increasingly manipulate the lives of Mark (Tatum) and then Dave Shultz (Ruffalo), two wrestling champion brothers. Mark is the impressionable dolt, raw power, jutting jaw, a decent guy, but exactly the sort of tabula rasa that duPont can lord over. Dave, on the other hand, is a man who knows himself, a  keen study of character blinded only by his wish to see the good in everyone.

Miller’s film is ultimately about the corrosive effect of too much money on almost everything. DuPont is the unhappy man Goethe warned us about, capable of poisoning everything, plagued by delusions of grandeur but with the wealth to bankroll those delusions into traps for other people. The acting is superb, Carrell finds an older, richer variation on his Mike Scott persona, and Tatum shows himself to be a fine character actor and Ruffalo is as charismatic and watchable as ever, as everything DuPont would like to be.

Come Oscar season there will be talk, but that’s trivia. Foxcatcher’s dark satire needs no glitz or affirmation. By they way, [SPOILER ALERT] there is no fox and no one catches it.

For more Reviews CLICK HERE.

WARNER BROS DENY MAKING JUPITER ASCENDING

HOLLYWOOD – Having pushed the release date of the new Wachowski Siblings feature Jupiter Ascending seven months from July to February, 2015, Warner Bros announced today that it had never heard of the Mila Kunis and Channing Tatum Science Fiction action film.

Continue reading “WARNER BROS DENY MAKING JUPITER ASCENDING”

CHANNING TATUM TO RETURN TO STRIPPING

HOLLYWOOD – The world of movies was rocked today by the news that Jump Street 22 star Channing Tatum was to return to the world of male stripping from whence he came.

Speaking exclusively to the Studio Exec Mr. Tatum said:

When I was a male stripper all I dreamed of was becoming a Hollywood star. Well, I’ve done that. I’ve worked with the greats like Jonah Hill and Mila Kunis, and I’ve also worked with Gina Carano. Basically I think, it’s been fun but it’s time to get back to doing what I really love doing and what I know I’m good at.

But Channing, you’re a fantastic actor. Why throw that away?

I have to say, I thought the pay would be a bit better. I’m not complaining, but I thought I’d be making at least 60 – 70K a year, but my manager Joey tells me that not even Michael Keaton can command those numbers. You should meet Joey. He’s a cool guy. Used to be Diane Kruger’s food taster. 

So you make more stripping.

Yeah. And I get to express myself. I mean have you ever stripped?

No.

It’s hard to explain to someone who has never been up there. I mean, all these women are looking at you and some gay guys. And you’re wearing half of what’s left of a traffic cop costume. And whipped cream is everywhere, the smell of sweat and tassel glue, you’re humping and grinding away. It’s… artistic. You know.

So that’s it for film. 

Yeah. Unless there’s some stripping involved I don’t think I’ll be interested. We’ll see what Joey says. 

This hasn’t got anything to do with Jupiter Ascending, has it? 

The interview’s over. 

Jupiter Ascending will be released in 2040.

MAGIC MIKE 2: MAGIC MICHELLE?

HOLLYWOOD – Channing Tatum star and upcoming director has been talking up the Magic Mike sequel due for release in the Summer of 2015 and revealed an important plot point.

The 22 Jump Street star revealed the original premise to the Studio Exec exclusively yesterday:

We went quite far with the world of male stripping and it was a world I knew about and Steven was really interested in. And that worked for the first film. But I began to think early on in the process for doing the sequel, why don’t we flip it? What about a bit of a reversal? I mean, can you imagine what it would be like if it was a woman who took of her clothes for money and not a man? Yeah, you see. I just blew your mind. 

Wow.

I know, right? I mean men taking off their clothes, we’ve seen that. We know what that’s about. Men stripping for girls and women, or for other men. It’s familiar. But a woman, by which I mean a lady, taking of her clothes that’s… transgressive.

So the story? 

Mike’s sister (Rooney Mara) – who’s always been a bit judgmental of the whole stripping thing – she is a bit down on her look and she meet Michelle Rodriguez, a wild child, who introduces her to the shadowy depths of ‘female’ strip clubs. It’s going to be pretty far out.

Aren’t you worried about classification?

The last thing we want to do is anything tasteless. We know how much the culture can take and where the line is drawn. I think the whole of the Hollywood establishment would revolt and lynch us if they believed even for a second that we were showing female flesh excessively or purely for titillation. And they’d be right. After all those are our sisters, our mothers, our daughters man.

Isn’t there a risk that other, seedier directors might exploit this new idea?

There is always that risk but I would actually then rely on the moral probity of everyone in this industry to act as a kind of safe fail device, protecting the public from the objectification of women. Something that has so far never happened and I would hope will never happen, either in this film or in any films to come.

Magic Michelle will be released July 4, 2015. 

 

LUC BESSON IS ON BOARD FOR THE FRENCH CONNECTION 3

PARIS – Luc Besson, French film director of such classics as Nikita and Leon, as well as producer of the Taken series, has announced that he is to produce and direct the long awaited sequel to the French Connection.

“I’ve talked with Gene Hackman and Bill Friedkin and they are both happy for me to do it”, said Luc. 

In fact, Bill Friedkin told me that he had always envisioned it as a trilogy but the seventies was so lame when it came to making decent movies that no one would put up the money for a trilogy.

What do you bring to this film which is considered a classic of the genre?

I agree. It is a classic, but one thing always gave me Le Hump. This was the French Connection, right? But where was France? Or the French? Even Fernando Rey (who played the original villain) was Spanish. So in our version, I added some French things which will make it a real FRENCH connection. Ooh la la! As we say, constantly.

 The official synopsis reads:

Joey ‘Popeye’ Doyle Jr. (Chris Pine) and Det. Buddy (Channing Tatum) are on the trail of a mysterious high end drug dealer, called Frenchie (Jean Reno). They track him down to Paris, a large city in France, where Frenchie maintains his cover as an onion seller, riding a bicycle and wearing a stripy jumper and a beret. Then there is a very exciting bicycle chase and they are fighting with baguettes and riding bicycles. And they get mixed up with Le Tour de France! 

The French Connection 3: Attack on Paris will begin shooting in August.