TWELVE CGI HORSES KILLED IN MAKING OF NEW BEN-HUR

HOLLYWOOD – Animal rights groups were today protesting after it was revealed that twelve CGI horses were killed during the filming of the chariot race for the new Ben-Hur movie.

When the new trailer for Ben-Hur dropped earlier this week, many were impressed by the chariot race footage which featured, leading many to bin their old copies of the Charlton Heston version. However, new began to leak from the production that twelve CGI horses had been killed during the making of the fast paced sequence. One source close to the film told the Studio Exec:

It was terrible. Of course we had sequences with live actors and real horses but the most dangerous stuff was left to the CGI horses and it was here that the toll was enormous. I saw ten horses killed with my own eyes during the chariot race and I heard that two others were later deleted after they were found to be lame.

Timur Bekmambetov, the film’s director, responded brusquely to the accusations:

Listen, I’m making a film and I want it to be fantastic. I don’t care who gets hurt or what gets killed. The scene in the trailer with the guy strapped to the prow of the ship that rams the other ship – that CGI guy died every time we did a take and I insisted on fifteen takes. And you talk to me of horses? Pffffffttttoooo.

The CGI animal rights group – CGIARG – are calling on people to boycott the movie. CIARG recently came to prominence after they threw CGI blood on Leonardo DiCaprio at an Oscar after party to protest the treatment of CGI bears and horses in The Revenant.

Ben-Hur will be released in August, 2016.

5 MISTAKES IN WORLD WAR Z

CARDIFF – Everyone knows Brad Pitt-led Zombie war film World War Z is a pile of ‘decomposing plopsicles’ (The Washington Post) and we’ve already reviewed the film HERE, but what went wrong? Well, the Studio Exec can give you 5 glaring mistakes. Some SPOILERS, so if you’re a namby-pamby about such things look away now.

  1. Max Brooks’ novel: was a) written by Mel Brooks’ son (which should have been on the poster by the way) and b) a brilliant reworking of an otherwise tired genre. The globe-trotting oral history with razor sharp satire would have made a superb mock-umentary – think District 9 – instead the writers chose to head for Genre Cliché City armed with large buckets with which to carry the Clichés back home again.
  2. CGI Zombies: They didn’t work in I Am Legend, and they don’t work here. The blurry fastness of them, the stupidity of their lemming-ness and just the overall lack of credibility. And even when you get real zombies in the latter half of the film, they also look stupid – like actors work-shopping a scene based on the word ‘zombie’ – but at least they look real stupid. 
  3. The PG-13 rating: One thing every zombie film has to have is a shot of someone being eaten. That’s what is scary. Not the zombies – they’re always quite funny – but when you see the shambling oafs munching on some freshly ripped intestine or throat, their silliness becomes edged with unease if not downright fright. We need what horror aficionados call ‘wet death’. 
  4. Stupid story bits: By now the travails of production are famous (and it was a canny move on the part of Universal to market the film’s shitness as a selling point), but there are some glaring glitches in the story. Having the brains (Dr Scientist Man) of the film shoot himself in the head by accident within five minutes of turning up shows the writers contempt for people who think about stuff and want the ‘stuff having to make sense’ thing. Too many things happen in the film because people are stupid, like the evacuees who fancy a sing-a-long, and Brad figures out things mainly by seeing something and going ‘oh!?’. Oh!? And Brad… 
  5. Brad Pitt’s hair: Because the film stars a major

    Hollywood A-lister, instead of the vast ensemble of the book we have to have one person going to all these different places. Cue ex-UN thingy thing Brad Pitt, and his ludicrous hair style. He’s quite good in a semi-constipated humourless kind of way, but his hair had me reaching for the screen constantly to help him keep it tucked behind his ear.

  6. Brad Pitt’s children: We have Zombies attacking and the world in peril. Billions of people die. This is not enough. How can we make people care? Of course! We also need children in peril, and one of them has to have asthma. This is something that Hollywood stars of a certain age need to do – think Tom Cruise in War of the Worlds – but it should be resisted. With the scale of the disaster, we don’t need these kids, and if you are going to have them, have one of them get bitten and then Brad has to kill her so she won’t infect the other. The one with asthma. That’s DRAMA, Mr. Lindelof. 
  7. Brad Pitt’s wife: Played by Mireille Enos, basically her job was to look like Jessica Chastain, whine, and telephone Brad at the most inappropriate moment she could possibly think of. 
  8. Climax: Never finish a globe-trotting film in Wales. 
So there are 5 (oh and Marc Foster) mistakes. What do you think? Comment in the box below and you know, if I have time, I might read them.

TOP 5 CGI CLICHES

HOLLYWOOD – The Studio Exec FACT squad picks the top 5 worst CGI cliches.

The Studio Exec – the finest Film resource on the internet – brings you the 5 worst CGI clichés ever made in any film ever and shown on cinema screens in a movie house.


1, The flock of birds
A cityscape of obvious CGI-ness, a surging score, you can already hear Terry Gilliam saying ‘It’s only a model!’, but then Lo! what’s that? a flock of birds departs from the eaves of one part of the city and heads somewhere else. The audience can be heard gasping at the realisation that as birds live here this is a real city, for if it wasn’t, where would they live? Lord of the Rings, Gladiator, Star Wars: The Phantom Diarrhoea and The Game of Thrones.

2, Following a ballistic weapon, missile, arrow etc. to its target
Before CGI audiences would watch actions scenes with an arched eyebrow, and a monocle, smoking cigarettes in long cigarette holders and they would murmur: ‘That’s all very well, old boy, but if I don’t follow the cannonball from cannon mouth to explosion how can I really know what is happening?’ Please see The Alamo, Pearl Harbor, Lord of the Rings.
3, A character (usually a witness to a conspiracy) getting suddenly hit by a car, or truck
the sudden shock of a character being hit by a speeding vehicle has been much reduced by the fact we’ve now seen it on a number of occasions. Please see The Edge of Darkness, World War Z, 21 Jump Street.
4, Strangely clean gore
Ruby red blood gouting out of bodies torn literally to pixels. Please see Blade, 300, Resident Evil.
5, Hordes
be they armies rushing at each other into battle, to the then clash in the middle, or zombie lemmings pouring over walls, there’s something about the hyper realism of the horde which is as disconcerting as Robert Zemeckis’ dead eyes. World War Z, 300Lord of the Rings, The Hobbit and I am Legend. 

For more FACTS click HERE.