MATTHEW MCCONAUGHEY TO BOX STARVING AFRICANS FOR CHARITY

HOLLYWOOD – Man of the moment, star of True Detective, Mud and The Dallas Buyer’s Club, Matthew McConaughey has announced he is going to box starving Africans in order to raise money for cat shelter charity called Purr-fect.

The Fool’s Gold star said:

Many’s the time I’ve been walking the streets of this here glorious nation, and of a sudden I see one of my little feline friends, eye a little weepy, leg a mite lame, and I’ve thought to myself if only there were homes for these little fellas. Goes a ways to making things right with the world. And then I discovered the Purr-Fect cat shelter. But they didn’t have much money and so I was talking to my good compadre George Clooney and he was going on and on about the Sudan and then it hit me like a bolt of clever. What if I boxed starving Africans for charity and we gave the money to the cats?

 But wouldn’t that be a terrible idea?

You are not the first to bring forth reservations. The way I see it a starving African doesn’t stand much of a chance against a red bloody Texican like me. So I’m willing to up the ante and fight three at a time – five tops. I’ll do anything for those doggone pussies. 

Where, when and how?

Early next year. The first bout will take place in Darfur. We’ll see how many Africans we can wrassle up. Despite his reservations, George seems mighty fired up now and is doing everything to expedite my voyage into the interior. In fact I wonder if he might have a dog in the fight. In  a manner of speaking. Har-har!

Matthew McConaughey Boxes Starving Africans for Cat Aid will be broadcast on HBO January 2016.  

CATS TAKE OVER THE INTERNET

HOLLYWOOD – It was revealed last night that Cats had completely taken over the internet and had control of all electronic transactions, communications and transmissions.

Taking advantage of the euphoria of New Year, the Cats pounced.

Port Simon, the Studio Exec resident tech expert, told the Studio Exec EXCLUSIVELY:

Apparently, the cats had been preparing the takeover for years. They have been dominating YouTube and Tumbler and many people’s Facebook pages. From this seemingly innocuous position of cuteness, the Cats have gone onto the deep web and scratched away at it like it was a ball of wool until they had everything, every password, every code, the way in past every firewall.

That’s unbelievable. They can get into our bank accounts and …

And email and everything. Instagram has been nothing but Cats since November. We think that the Cats have been behind a lot of the recent hacks, but some are arguing that that would be too mundane a move for them. After all they have so much access and so much power

What do they want?

Well, that’s the good news. Being Cats they don’t really want anything. They just sleep all day, eat and then sleep again. I think as long as we give them cat food and occasionally scratch them behind the ear, we should be okay.

For more Cats News keep coming back to www.thestudioexec.com

 

BRAD PITT IS ALLERGIC TO CATS

HOLLYWOOD – Last night Oscar winning film producer and actor Brad Pitt revealed that he had been diagnosed with an allergy to cats. 

‘I’m slightly allergic to cats,’ the Fight Club star stated bravely.

If there’s a cat in the room, I get a runny nose and my eyes go red. I’ve probably been allergic since I was a kid but I’m generally not around cats. Anyway I went for a check up recently and they did a general allergy test and it turned out I was allergic to cats and some kinds of pollen.

When asked how he would cope he boldly joked, ‘I’m just going to avoid cats.’

The Cat Resource Allergy People – who refuse to have an acronym – told the Studio Exec that:

Cat allergies are fairly common and most of the time in no way serious. A mild discomfort can ensue and preventative measures can be taken. It is good that such a high profile case will bring attention to what is essentially a trival problem and that money will be diverted from Cancer research into cat allergy research.

Brad Pitt is 50 years old.