DISNEY AUTO SALES OPENS

With the money they have made from reneging on Scarlett Johansson’s Black Widow contract, Disney Auto Sales opens franchises nationwide. Disney Auto Sales opens stores run by honest and hardworking car salesmen and women who are ready to sell their own grandmothers for a profit.

 

Disney Auto Sales Opens With Mickey Mouse Prices

 


The Mickey Mouse movie studio look set to face court action with Scarlett Johansson. But they are busy hiding away their money like Scrooge McDuck in their brand new venture of second-hand car sales. Their advertising campaign states: “You’d be a real Dumbo not to take advantage of our goofy prices! No wonder Herbie went Bananas when he saw how Stuart little we were asking for great family cars. Anyone would think we were Robin Hood with these enchanted prices.”

 

Marvel-lous Car Prices

 

“With marvel-lously low prices, it’s no wonder our cars are going quicker than Lightning McQueen. You’d be dopey to not take advantage! With our prices frozen for only a short time you’ll need to bolt to your closest store. Be brave and pick up a bargain car today. Just be careful not to wreck it Ralph on your amazing journey home.”

 

Mickey’s Big Day In Court

 

With the Disney Corporation being represented by the law firm, Huey, Luey and Dewey LLP, Johansson can expect stiff competition in her lawsuit against the movie studio. Johansson’s claim could have far reaching effects throughout the industry. She alleges Disney prevented certain contractual bonuses by reducing box office revenue when it streamed Black Widow simultaneously on Disney+. Actors, crew members and studios alike would be effected by any test case decision such as this. In response to this, Disney’s lawyers made funny duck noises, splashed about a bit in a pond and then pretended to fall asleep when Donald opened the door.

 

MORE ON THIS AS IT BREAKS

5 FACTS YOU NEVER KNEW ABOUT JEREMY CLARKSON

LONDON – Jeremy Clarkson – long running host of the BBC’s Top Gear franchise – looks set to be fired for a fracas with a producer, but what do we really know about the bubble permed prima donna.

We sent the Studio Exec FACT squad motoring around the English countryside to find out the FACTS about the errant presenter.

1. Jeremy Clarkson wasn’t always irritating. Their was a time in 1988 when he was watchable, affable, knowledgable and perfectly likeable presenter of TV show about cars. That period ended in 1989.

2. Clarkson started life as a door to door salesman of cuddly toys, based on the Paddington bear character. He impressed customers by taking the bears for test drives up and down the road in front of the house. In his native town of Rotherham, Mr. Clarkson broke sales records by selling three Paddington Bear toys in one month, for the sum of £7.

3. As well as being a top class presenter and an expert in all things motoring, Clarkson is also an erudite writer, publishing a series of postmodern novels in which he writes in a first person persona named Clarkson and spews all sorts of ludicrous nonsense as a satire on self-satisfied right wing stupidity. The World According to Clarkson and Round the Bend are the apotheosis of British literary fiction in the last half century.

4. Clarkson lives with his best friends James May and Richard Hammond in a house designed on that used in the Monkees TV series. They often swap clothes and pull hilarious pranks on each other, such as leaving a bucket of cold water balanced precariously above a half opened door and then calling for help.

5. Controversy has been a constant presence in the passenger seat of the life of Clarkson. While filming a Top Gear special in Argentina, Clarkson, May and Hammond captured a local man, amputated the man’s leg and then tricked him into eating it as a ‘joke’. Other incidents include firing on striking workers, drowning a dog, punching a line producer in the ankle and referring to anyone who isn’t Jeremy Clarkson ‘black’. It recently was revealed that the motoring journalist can’t actually drive and is so ignorant of cars that he frequently struggles to get into them, usually going through the trunk and over the back seat.

For more FACTS click HERE.