MARVEL BUY ROMANIA FOR FUTURE DESTRUCTION

HOLLYWOOD – Marvel have bought the European country of Romania in a deal worth $57 million and have slated the country for destruction some time in 2018.

Following the destruction of Sokovia in Avengers: Age of Ultron, Marvel have been on the look out for a new country to destroy in the hope of recreating the success of the Avengers film. A Marvel Studios insider spoke EXCLUSIVELY to the Studio Exec about how they zeroed in on Romania:

The destruction of Sokovia everyone agreed was a huge success. Yes we destroyed the country, but every single citizen of Sokovia was given a Blu-ray DVD of the Avengers and DVD of Captain America: Winter Soldier, so you can’t say fairer than that. The one problem was that it was quite expensive for us to do and the money was mainly wasted in retrospect. All the different permits and permissions we needed and then the tax breaks weren’t quite as inviting as we thought they would be.

I see.

The solution though was fairly simple. If we owned a country outright then we could pretty much do what we wanted with it. We originally thought of Lichtenstein, which is very small and manageable, but Tom Cruise already owns it and doesn’t want to sell. Then we thought of Great Britain. It’s got to be good, right? It’s in the name. But they’ve had a really bad experience with London Has Fallen and they don’t even want to talk. They’re still putting Big Ben back up.

So Romania?

Yeah. Romania was our Goldilocks moment. Just right. $57 million is on the low side I feel. I mean we paid that much for catering on Iron Man 3 and that was just Gwyneth Paltrow.

When can we expected to see Romania destroyed?

I think we’ll destroy it over a series of films, but I would like the new Doctor Strange movie to have the destruction of Romania, maybe not even as a conclusion, but a pre-credit sequence.

And the people of Romania?

Well, there’s a huge refugee crisis in Europe as you know. So we’ll just get those people to join that but they’ll all be wearing brand new Thor baseball caps and carrying copies of the Captain America: Civil War novelization in their new  Incredible Hulk fanny packs.

Doctor Strange will be released in 2018.

DISNEY CONFIRM ‘BY 2017 EVERY FILM WILL EITHER BE STAR WARS OR SUPERHERO’

CALIFORNIA – Disney CEO Bob Iger today confirmed that by the year 2017 all films released in North America will ‘either be Star Wars films, or part of a superhero franchise, probably Marvel controlled’.

He said:

It is a part of our ongoing mission to not have our films contaminated by any original thinking. We sat down and we looked at Star Wars and Marvel and we just said, you know I think we have all the ideas we need. Any more would just be confusing.

The news came hot on the heels of the announcement that there would be two additional Star Wars films, directed by Lawrence Kasdan and Simon Kinberg, to go beside the projected Episodes 7 through to 9. Iger was fielding questions about the studios dominance of the blockbuster market by the studio which also owns Marvel Studios.

We have a Thor sequel, Captain America: Winter Soldier, a stand alone Hulk film in development, Ant Man, Avengers 2 … oh, and Iron Man 3. And that’s just the beginning. Then we’ve got the Star Wars films. I don’t see how there’s going to be room for anything more. Perhaps we’ll let PT Anderson release a film every so often, but other than that, I don’t see how they’ll be space.

Star Wars 7 will be released in 2014.