SCARLETT JOHANSSON EARNS MORE THAN $100 A DAY

HOLLYWOOD – Avengers star Scarlett Johansson makes more than a $100 a day, the Studio Exec has learned.

The blockbusting star Scarlett Johansson earns more than $100 a day and perhaps substantially more, according to reports. Having made two successful movies this year, The Jungle Book and Captain America: Civil War Johansson has seen her income, which was already high, rise considerably.

Our resident accountant Xavier Poulis reports:

Scarlett Johansson is the highest earning female star ever and although I don’t have the exact figures, it’s definitely more than $100  a day, or a minute, one of the two. She definitely got enough money to buy herself a car and probably a house, though she might need a mortgage. She should have no problem getting one. If she walks into a shop and sees something she likes, chances are she can just buy it without having to worry about it. A round of drinks or treating someone to lunch at an inexpensive cafe shouldn’t be a problem though she’ll probably not want to be too ostentatious as that will just encourage hangers on.

Other stars like George Clooney, Tom Cruise and Brad Pitt also earn about $1000 plus a week.

CAPTAIN AMERICA R-RATED DIRECTOR’S CUT FEATURES BUCKY SEX SCENE

HOLLYWOOD – Following the success of Captain America: Civil War, Marvel are to release the Russo brothers’ extended cut in a special R rated edition which will feature the much rumored Captain America / Bucky sex scene.

Speaking EXCLUSIVELY to the Studio Exec, a Marvel insider spilled the beans on the steamiest Marvel movie ever.

There was always a scene in the script. It’s in the original Mark Millar comic book. It was filmed and right until the last minute it was in the final cut, but there was an emergency meeting and cold feet prevailed. However, if you watch the movie as it stands now in theaters, you can tell that there is a missing sex scene between Captain America and Bucky. Otherwise the whole film doesn’t really make sense.

But it will appear in the director’s cut?

Yes, the film is very long as it stands and so there were questions of length as well as rating and the kind of audience we were hoping to pull. But the Russo Brothers were committed to the scene and Chris Evans was a partisan for it as well. Robert Downey Jr thought that it was obvious and the tension worked better when you didn’t have an on screen consummation. Evans and Downey got into a bit of a scrap, ironically mirroring the action of the movie.

Captain America: Civil War: The Director’s Cut will be released in June.

CAPTAIN AMERICA: CIVIL WAR – SPOILER FREE REVIEW

HOLLYWOOD – As Marvel’s new movie Captain America: Civil War hits the screens, the Studio Exec gives his trademark SPOILER FREE review.

One of the most eagerly waited films of the year, Captain America: Civil War has finally arrived but is it any good? Read our EXCLUSIVE SPOILER FREE review.

Either Captain America wins, or Iron Man wins, or they both discover that their mothers had the same name.

For more Reviews, Click Here.

EXCLUSIVE LOOK INSIDE THE SPIDER-MAN RETIREMENT HOME

HOLLYWOOD – As the world prepares for a new Spider-Man to be unveiled in Captain America: Civil War, the Studio Exec has been granted an EXCLUSIVE peek into the Retirement Home for Former Spider-Men.

Tom Holland as the new Spider-Man is already drawing rave reviews from the early buzz surrounding Captain America: Civil War,  but what awaits the young actor when his tenure as Marvel’s favorite web-slinger is through. We went inside the quiet sleepy confines of the Retirement Home for Former Spider-Men to find out. Situated in Daytona Beach, Florida, the complex covers over a hundred acres of plush grassland. The building itself is modest enough with no outside indication of the Peter Parkers who roam the rec-rooms and shuffle board courts.

Nurse Jackie Pertite showed us around:

We have all the mod cons as well as a full time nursing staff to take care of our residents. Tobey Maguire is here somewhere. He tends to go to the climbing wall. Once those boys have a go, it’s just the dickens getting them to come down.

But Tobey Maguire is still a working actor?

Bless you for saying that. Bless you. If we see him, be sure and say that. He’ll love you. Tell him you loved The Great Gatsby and you’ll have a friend for life, but don’t mention Spider-Man 3.

We did see Tobey later but he was too intent on traversing a particularly difficult crack.  Andrew Garfield was sitting looking at his own reflection in a dead television. Coloring in a coloring book at his feet was a child of about nine. ‘Who’s that?’ I asked the nurse.

Oh that’s Max Charles. He played Young Peter Parker in The Amazing Spider-Man. Strictly speaking he shouldn’t be here, but once his Spidey senses start tingling we can’t keep him away with a baseball bat.

In the bingo room, I was surprised to see Neil Patrick Harris. ‘Voice artist in the animated series,’ Nurse Pertite whispered.

Just then the food came in and I excused myself. The diet of the retired Spider-Men is almost entirely insect in nature and I had neither the stomache nor the inclination to witness what was to happen next. In the peaceful glades and the balmy climate of South Florida it isn’t difficult to see these former heroes at their rest. And as I passed a door i noted wistfully that it already had a name plate. Tom Holland, it read. It won’t be long now Tom, I thought. It won’t be long now.

Captain America: Civil War stars Tom Holland as Spider-Man.

 

CAPTAIN AMERICA: CIVIL WAR ‘HISTORICALLY INACCURATE’

HOLLYWOOD – The next big Marvel movie – Captain America: Civil War – is ‘historically inaccurate’ claims academic.

Captain America: Civil War might be creating a lot of positive buzz from early screenings, but Professor Aloysius Halton was not impressed by the film’s rendering of a historical period of which he is an acknowledged expert:

The fact of the matter is the American Civil War began on April 12, 1861 and ended on May 9, 1865. In that period the North and the South battled for supremacy, with fortunes swinging first one way then the next. This new film contains so many historical inaccuracies that it is difficult to know where to begin.

But Professor…?

To begin with the technology on display here is totally anachronistic. Not only are there cars and airplanes and computers – none of which existed in the mid-nineteenth century, but there’s even an Iron Man, who flies around on jet engines! Ludicrous.

But surely…?

And the principal participants of the Civil War were not an outlandish figure called Captain America or Iron Man. It was Abraham Lincoln and Jefferson Davis. Generals Lee and Ulysses Grant are entirely absent from this retelling and although there is a character called Black Panther, there is hardly ever note taken of the role of slavery, even though that issue was the central Casus Belli. F minus.

Captain America: Civil War is due out later this month.

SPIDER-MAN WILL BE IN GAME OF THRONES

WESTEROS – Following a deal between Sony and HBO, Spider-man will appear in the new season of Game of Thrones ‘because basically we want to put him everywhere’.

Marvel’s best-loved web-slinger Spider-man is to join the cast of Game of Thrones for an eagerly anticipated Season Six. Tom Holland who has taken over from Andrew Garfield as Peter Parker’s arachnid alter-ego swung into the Studio Exec bungalow to talk EXCLUSIVELY about his new role:

Hi everybody!

Hi, Tom. So what’s this about Game of Thrones? 

I was so excited when I got the gig to play Spider-man. I grew up watching Tobey Maguire and reading the comic books. Hell, I grew up watching Andrew Garfield for that matter. But the fun thing about my Spider-man is that I’m going to be in a whole bunch of films, not only Spider-man ones. The next Captain America: Civil War for instance, but also Game of Thrones.

So how did you get the Game of Thrones role and who are you going to play?

I have been a huge fan of the TV series and also of the George RR Martin books. They are fantastic. I got an opportunity to talk to George and he told me that one of the characters is actually based on Spider-man, then we ended up having long conversations about how Spider-man might fit in to the Westeros Universe. Sony were dead keen because basically money. We’re in talks to appear in Fuller House and the Walking Dead too.

I see. 

In this season a lot of characters are coming back from the dead. Partly because of the necromancer and also because of the White Walkers. And one character who died very recently is going to come back because he got bit by irradiated spider. Can you guess who? No, you can’t huh. You know nothing Studio Exec! Huh? A clue? Still no?

Game of Thrones Season 6 will drop in April. Image courtesy of @ThePixelFactor.

 

MARVEL BUY ROMANIA FOR FUTURE DESTRUCTION

HOLLYWOOD – Marvel have bought the European country of Romania in a deal worth $57 million and have slated the country for destruction some time in 2018.

Following the destruction of Sokovia in Avengers: Age of Ultron, Marvel have been on the look out for a new country to destroy in the hope of recreating the success of the Avengers film. A Marvel Studios insider spoke EXCLUSIVELY to the Studio Exec about how they zeroed in on Romania:

The destruction of Sokovia everyone agreed was a huge success. Yes we destroyed the country, but every single citizen of Sokovia was given a Blu-ray DVD of the Avengers and DVD of Captain America: Winter Soldier, so you can’t say fairer than that. The one problem was that it was quite expensive for us to do and the money was mainly wasted in retrospect. All the different permits and permissions we needed and then the tax breaks weren’t quite as inviting as we thought they would be.

I see.

The solution though was fairly simple. If we owned a country outright then we could pretty much do what we wanted with it. We originally thought of Lichtenstein, which is very small and manageable, but Tom Cruise already owns it and doesn’t want to sell. Then we thought of Great Britain. It’s got to be good, right? It’s in the name. But they’ve had a really bad experience with London Has Fallen and they don’t even want to talk. They’re still putting Big Ben back up.

So Romania?

Yeah. Romania was our Goldilocks moment. Just right. $57 million is on the low side I feel. I mean we paid that much for catering on Iron Man 3 and that was just Gwyneth Paltrow.

When can we expected to see Romania destroyed?

I think we’ll destroy it over a series of films, but I would like the new Doctor Strange movie to have the destruction of Romania, maybe not even as a conclusion, but a pre-credit sequence.

And the people of Romania?

Well, there’s a huge refugee crisis in Europe as you know. So we’ll just get those people to join that but they’ll all be wearing brand new Thor baseball caps and carrying copies of the Captain America: Civil War novelization in their new  Incredible Hulk fanny packs.

Doctor Strange will be released in 2018.

5 FACTS WE LEARNED ABOUT CAPTAIN AMERICA: CIVIL WAR

HOLLYWOOD – The new trailer to Captain America: Civil War dropped and with it the first sight of Tom Holland’s Spider-Man, but what did we really learn.

The Studio Exec FACT Squad is currently being ripped asunder (which is not good) by a civil war about which side to support on Captain America: Civil War, so we sent both halves of the warring squad into battle to find out five FACTS about the new film from watching the trailer once on a phone with a poor Wi-Fi connection.

1. It is historically inaccurate. Although the characters wear ‘costumes’ they are not correct to the period from 1861-1865 in which the Civil War took place.

2. Chris Evans, Robert Downey Jr., Scarlett Johansson, Sebastian Stan, Anthony Mackie, Emily VanCamp, Don Cheadle, Jeremy Renner,Chadwick Boseman, Paul Bettany, Elizabeth Olsen, Paul Rudd, Frank Grillo, Tom Holland, William Hurt, and Daniel Brühl are in it

3. Tony Stark loves Captain America’s perfect teeth but there’s an edge there.

4. New York, Washington and Skikky-lovia have been destroyed. Everyone looks serious, including William Hurt who is playing Michael Douglas, Robert Redford and Jeff Bridges.

5. Black Panther isn’t actually a panther. And Spider-Man isn’t actually a Spider.

For more FACTS click HERE.

ABRAHAM LINCOLN TO APPEAR IN CIVIL WAR

HOLLYWOOD – Daniel Day-Lewis has confirmed that he will reprise his role as Abraham Lincoln in Captain America: Civil War.

Day-Lewis, who has been living on top of a pillar in the middle of the desert for the last two years, spoke exclusively to The Studio Exec about life, spirituality and the impending apocalypse.

Why are you living on top of a pillar in the middle of the desert?

Well, I was preparing to play the role of Simeon Stylites for Gasper Noe but unfortunately we couldn’t get the financing so the film has been cancelled.

So you’ve wasted your time?

Well, the malnourishment and dehydration have had an effect on my physical and mental health but I’ve had a lot of time to ponder the mysteries of the universe and I think I’ve finally figured out the meaning of life.

What is the meaning of life?

Marvel. Specifically, Marvel movie adaptations. I spent two years up this f*cking pillar getting into character for some art house film that never happened when all I needed to do was put on a tall hat and get paid five million dollars to punch Robert Downey Jr in the face.

So Abraham Lincoln is on Captain America’s side in Civil War?

I don’t know. I’ve not even read the script. Disney just sent a guy here with a suitcase full of money and I took the job. To be honest I’d have done it for a big mac meal and a stepladder.

So why are you still on top of the pillar?

I’ve ordered a stepladder from Amazon but it hasn’t come yet. I knew I should have paid the extra for next day delivery.

I can get you a ladder if you like?

No. God told me that I’ve got to get myself out of this. The Lord helps those who help themselves he told me.

You’ve spoken to God?

Well, I suppose it could be the Devil. It’s difficult to say. Let’s be honest, I’ve been living up a pillar in the middle of the desert for two years so everything I claim should be taken with a pinch of salt.

Don’t you think it’s unusual for Abraham Lincoln to be making an appearance in a Marvel movie?

Yeah. That’s probably not true. A couple of weeks ago Adam Sandler came to visit me and I agreed to star in The Wedding Singer 2.

Who did he ask you to play?

He asked if I’d reprise my character Christy Brown from ‘My Left Foot.’ I thought it was odd at the time but now I realise that it never happened and I’m completely insane.

So you’re not appearing in Civil War?

No.

Then why am I here?

Well, chances are you’re not here, you’re a figment of my imagination and this conversation isn’t really happening.

Then who is writing this article?

Hey, I’m an actor, not a philosopher.

Captain America: Civil War is due in 2016.

MARVEL FILMS ‘BASICALLY LIKE THE WEATHER’

HOLLYWOOD – Marvel films have now become basically like the weather, a new study by scientists from the internet has reported.

With an ever increasing crop of Marvel films every year – Ant-Man and The Avengers: Age of Ultron have already hit the screens – the prevalence of superhero films from the Marvel stable has rendered them basically the same as the weather.

Dr. Rupert Magget of the Weather Channel told the Studio Exec:

There are tribes in the Amazon rain forest that have never spoken on a telephone, never seen a television and don’t have a word in their language for Frappucino. And these tribes are looking forward to the Guardians of the Galaxy sequel and talk about nothing but when the Black Widow is going to get a stand alone movie.

How do you explain this dominance?

Some would say that the ruling ideas of any epoch are the ideas of the ruling class. Actually Karl Marx would say that. So if we look at what Marvel produces, stories about small elite teams of individuals being given carte blanche to do anything and justified by a constant state of terror which is always threatening to destroy the world but actually doesn’t then … well, I don’t know. Tony Stark is a one percenter, Captain America is someone for whom the Second World War never actually finished and the Hulk is someone who destroys cities with apparent impunity. All of these are supported by a mysterious NSA style organisation with a huge budget.

But some would say that the Marvel films are critical of themselves and investigate these very points.

Perhaps. But what is interesting is that when we talk about the Marvel Universe, we’re not just talking about a fictive space in which many different stories exist in the same geographical and historical space, we’re also talking about an ideological uniformity that is actually quite fascistic. Look at Iron Man, we’re concerned about his state of mind, his state of being and ultimately everything is resolved because of his ability to apply force, rendering all other questions null and void.

Jesus. This got really serious.

I’m just a weatherman.

Okay. So what has this got to do with the weather?

Well, that’s just about how many Marvel films we’re getting. And not just how many but with each film we get a round of trailers, first glimpses, photos, rumors, interviews, it’s just endless. Now, like weather, it just kind of blends into one thing.

What about the DC Comics Universe?

I don’t know what that is.

Captain America: Civil War, Doctor Strange and Guardians of the Galaxy 2 are all due out in 2016.