DARREN ARONOFSKY DIRECTING CLIPPY BIOPIC

BREAKING NEWS – The Studio Exec goes on set with Darren Aronofsky directing Clippy The Movie. We managed to catch up with the Requiem For A Dream and Mother! writer / director to get the latest on his new project. With Darren Aronofsky directing Clippy The Movie, we find out what drew him to this surprising project.

Darren Aronofsky Directing Clippy? Thanks For Taking Time Out To Talk With The Exec

To be honest, I’m glad to have something else to do. I’m just sat there on set, twiddling my fucking thumbs.

Why Is That?

We decided to make Clippy a combination of stop-animation and CGI. There’s fuck-all for me to do. It’s just people running around with green body-suits on and plasticine. Actually, it’s kinda sexy, now I think about it.

Can You Tell Us Anything About The Movie?

Yeah, why not? Who Cares? It tells the story of Clippy. Everyone over the age of 35 will remember that little motherfucker popping up on your computer and saying, ‘It looks like you’re trying to write a letter. Would you like some help?’ It’s a story about someone compelled to just be annoying because he’s constantly shunned for mansplaining every time he opens his mouth. It’s a story about toxic masculinity that leads him down a path of alienation and self-destruction. If you think The Wrestler meets Requiem For A Dream, but set in an animated kids world, you can’t go far wrong.

Jesus.

Yeah, he’s also in it. The main part of the film tells the story we all know. But then, things get really fucked up and trippy in the last third of the movie. You know, like they did in Mother! There’s all sorts of creepy, pseudo-religious images because Clippy is wandering the digital wastelands. He’s searching for redemption and meaning in his now redundant life. It’s an age old tale. I guess we all grow old and insignificant and because of that, we assign meaning where there isn’t any. It’s like T.S Eliot said, ‘I will show you meaning in a handful of dust.’

You Kinda Lost Me There?

Look, just plug the fucking movie, because it’s got loads of CGI shenanigans going on. Think Wallace and Gromit meets Angel Heart with a bit of Tron thrown in and you’re basically there.

Clippy The Movie Is Due To Be Released Next Year

PEOPLE WARNED NOT TO ASK WHERE KEIRA KNIGHTLEY IS

HOLLYWOOD – People have been warned not to ask where Keira Knightley is, lest she return.

Keira Knightley the bafflingly famous actress from England has been missing for about a year. Whether she is working on that cook book that involves only eating stuff that begins with the letter H and cardboard, or scuba diving in sub-Saharan Africa for UNESCO, the important thing is not to ask. A government advisor from the Department of Vincent Gallo, Josie Blemont said:

When a celebrity like Keira Knightley goes off the radar, we at the DVG are very careful not to enquire too deeply lest the celebrity return. It’s a bit like that film Ca…

Is it like Candyman?

I was just about to say, that it’s a bit like that film Candyman, where, if you say the name of the celebrity five times in front of a mirror, they will appear behind you and smash you to death with their cheekbones. Even though…

Candyman had a hook.

I was about to say that.

So the important thing is not to say Keira Knightley Keira Knightley Keira Knightley Keira Knightley…

Stop you mad fool. If you had said Keira Knightley one more time… argh argh argh my face!

Keira Knightley will return.