RIDLEY SCOTT TO FILM CANDY CRUSH

HOLLYWOOD – Ridley Scott has confirmed that he will film a motion picture based on the popular app/game Candy Crush Saga by King.com.

Gladiator and Prometheus director Ridley Scott today confirmed he will be filming a new adaptation of the popular game Candy Crush, recently purchased by Activision. Scott spoke to the Studio Exec exclusively: 

I’ve always wanted to film something that is just about connections, patterns and confectionery, with no characters, no dialogue, just sweeties and shapes and stuff. And this looks like my chance.

Billed as a cross between The Parallax View and Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, Scott’s film is already in the late stages of pre-production. Scott told us:

The real problem was getting a story. Angry Birds you have a story, so that script wrote itself (well actually Cormac McCarthy wrote it) and I’m hoping to film it sometime late next year. Kevin Smith wrote a brilliant treatment for Monopoly but it was too obviously Marxist, so we had trouble selling that to the big studios. Candy Crush is colorful and exciting but where’s the story? Then I saw Battleship and it was like I had been hit by lightning. Eureka! We don’t need a story. We can just go ahead. We don’t need characters or any human emotion. Obviously I’d been experimenting with that kind of film with The Counselor and Prometheus but this will give me the scope to go all out.

Michael Fassbender is to play the yellow sweets whose paradisiacal home is threatened by the multicolored gobstoppers led by Kevin Spacey.

Candy Crush is due out late in 2016.

NASA BRAND ARONOFKSY’S NOAH ‘INACCURATE’

HOUSTON – After the furore over Gravity, NASA have weighed in again on the accuracy of Darren Aronofsky’s new Biblical epic, Noah starring Russell Crowe and Anthony Hopkins.

Following a special preview of the film, NASA took the unusual step of writing a letter to the Black Swan director which they accidentally on purpose CC-ed to us here at Studio Exec. Here it is in full: 

Hey Dazzers!

 

 Sorry, we mean Mr. Aronofsky. It’s late here at Mission Control and we’ve been smoking Blue Dream. Really quite excellent, if you can get… wait who are we telling? You made The Fountain and you don’t know Blue Dream? Yeah right!?

Anyhoo, can we say we are all big fans of your films, especially of Pi and The Wrestler (Black Swan not so much, but you know). We got an opportunity to watch Noah – what with the Shuttle program effectively mothballed we’re setting up as freelance film critics – and we have some thoughts.


1. Universal flood: WHAT? I mean, come on. There’s no evidence for any such flood. It just couldn’t happen. Didn’t happen. So that’s basically the whole of your film hitting the Bullshit Button straight away.

2. Ark: we’re not convinced that this is a credible solution. The weight of biomass would sink any boat that existed in that period, or this period for that matter.

 3. Animals: Two by two makes sense logistically, but it is too small a sample to ensure survival. And there are very big hygiene issues.What about incidences of infertility/sterility? Also keeping different livestock in such close proximity is just asking for a bird flu outbreak. Literally asking for it. 

4. Emma Watson and Jennifer Connelly in the same film. Very good call Mr. Aronofsky. No complaints there. 

Okay, that’s all from us. We can’t sit around fact checking films all day. Candy Crush isn’t going to play itself you know.  
Lots of love

NASA