TOMMY LEE JONES TO STAR IN AND DIRECT ‘ARE YOU BEING SERVED?’

HOLLYWOOD – Tommy Lee Jones to write, direct and star in Are You Being Served?

Veteran actor and No Country for Old Men star Tommy Lee Jones will finally bring his dream project to the screen next year, a Hollywood remake of BBC sitcom Are You Being Served? 

Based on the Jeremy Lloyd and David Croft Seventies series, Tommy Lee Jones’ new film is set in the fictional Los Angeles department store of Grace Brothers. Here the flirty staff have to deal with a variety of eccentric customers. Popping by the Studio Exec bungalow, Jones explained his vision:

I have always been a fan of the original British series. The elaborate double entendres and the farcical situations and in particular Mrs. Slocombe’s pussy.

And you are acting in the film as well? 

I myself shall play the role of Captain Peacock and Michael Shannon has kindly agreed to show his face as Mr. Humphries. Cameron Diaz wanted to play Mrs. Slocombe but I said no, because she is not in my honest opinion what I’d call a ‘good actress’.  Emma Thompson will handle the pussy jokes, if’n we can sober her up in time. Ha ha. That was a joke.

How do you respond to critics who say you can’t play comedy?

I ask them if they have had the opportunity to view my hilarious mugging in Natural Born Killers, or my Two Face in the much underrated Batman film, I forget which one… but it was comedy genius.

Mila Kunis will play Shirley Brahms and Jack Black will play Cuthbert Rumbold. Bradley Cooper will continue his collaboration with Jones, playing the womanizing salesman Dick Lucas.

Are You Being Served? comes out in 2022.

MARK WAHLBERG AND BRADLEY COOPER TEAM UP FOR CHARLIE’S ANGELS REMAKE

HOLLYWOOD – Mark Wahlberg and Bradley Cooper to star in Charlie’s Angels remake.

Mark Wahlberg and Oscar-nominated Bradley Cooper are in early talks to topline Sony’s Charlie’s Angels reboot. Elizabeth Banks will direct. The film will be released June 7, 2019.

Based on the original 1976-1981 television series, starring Kate Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Jaclyn Smith, Charlie’s Angels first hit the big screen in 2000, with Cameron Diaz, Drew Barrymore and Lucy Liu starring as the crime-fighting trio working at a private detective agency for the mysterious, unseen Charlie Townsend. The film went on to make $264M at the box office and spun the 2003 sequel Charlie’s Angels: Full Throttle, which pulled in $259M worldwide.

Wahlberg and Cooper are famous for being men but Banks says that she doesn’t see this as a problem.

We get too hung up on this girl movie men movie thing. First off Charlie’s Angels is ripe for a re-imagining. A powerful woman takes over and these bimbo guys have to fight the bad guys. Or girls. I mean, who cares? This film will explore gender and action.

James Cameron welcomed the news.

It’s about time we had more films with men in them. That Patty Jenkins is such a pain.

Charlie’s Angels will be released in 2019.

HULK HOGAN AND CAMERON DIAZ TO STAR IN SEX TAPE 2

HOLLYWOOD – Hulk Hogan has taken over from Jason Segel to star with Cameron Diaz in Sex Tape 2.

Sex Tape was the most successful comedy of all time, both financially, critically and popularly, and many wondered how the sequel Sex Tape 2 could ever live up to the heights of the original. Well, that question has now been answered. Hulk Hogan is to take the place of Jason Segel as Jay in the new film.

Hulk came into the Studio Exec den to talk about his new film:

I haven’t done comedy for a long time. And so it was great when Jason Kaufman – the director – came to me and said that I would be perfect for Jay. I don’t physically look like Jason Segel, but I am such a huge fan of the original Sex Tape (who isn’t?) I feel like I’ve been trying to prepare for Jay my whole life. And when I met Cameron and we did our first table read I just thought this is perfect. The sparks really were flying. So I don’t think we’ll have any problem with the chemistry.

Did your own problems with a sex tape have any bearing on you landing the role?

What? Oh yeah. I did get a suit settled recently in my favor. Yeah. Hey, you know, I never thought of that. It does tie in a little. Thanks man, I’ll use that in my preparation.

Sex Tape 2 will be released in 2017.

Image courtesy of @ThePixelFactor.

MICHAEL FASSBENDER AND JENNIFER LAWRENCE STAR IN HERBIE GOES BANANAS LIVE READ

LOS ANGELES – Jason Reitman’s live read of Herbie Goes Bananas was a star-studded fest for fans of everyone’s favorite VW bug with Michael Fassbender and Jennifer Lawrence taking the leads.

For many Herbie Goes Bananas is the apotheosis of all the Herbie films, beating even 1968’s The Love Bug for the quality of its writing, physical comedy, madcap direction and subtle characterization.  In the live read, Michael Fassbender played Pete, Jennifer Lawrence played Melissa and Mark Hamill played Herbie, Captain Blythe and Aunt Louise. The biggest surprise of the night was Benedict Cumberbatch who played Pringle one of a trio of villains originally played by John Vernon. Quentin Tarantino voiced the other two villains Quinn and Shepherd.

Tarantino spoke to the Studio Exec EXCLUSIVELY about the live read:

This is a wonderful new way of discovering and rediscovering films. Herbie Goes Bananas was the fourth Herbie film and a work of delightful joie di vivre, perhaps one of the best live action film Disney made. And yet behind the slapstick humor and the apparently light tone, there is a scathing satire on South American dictatorships and specifically the Pinochet regime in Chile. Herbie’s silence stands for the repressed free press and the proletariat’s revolutionary potential.

Jason Reitman explained how the reading had offered up some surprises.

Pete in the original film is just a boy but Michael Fassbender obviously gave the performance of a grown man. And Mark Hamill’s voice work was exemplary. The enthusiasm which greeted the live reading was fantastic, much better than The Empire Strikes Back read which everyone agreed was a pile of dump.

Jason Reitman’s Live Read series continues with The Cat from Outer Space.

TOM CRUISE: WHAT I BELIEVE

Hey!? My name is Tom Cruise.

You probably know me best from Tropic Thunder and Vanilla Sky
Perhaps you’ve seen me on YouTube and you’ve certainly read a bunch of articles about my divorce and who I am and what I supposedly believe, making me out to be one great big nut bag.

Well, I’m here today to tell you what I actually matter of factually believe. So let’s go.
WOOOH!

First of all I believe that everyone is equally capable of achieving perfection. I believe that only some people do actually make that choice. I believe that when I drive past a car accident, I am the most qualified person to intervene. Even if there is an ambulance crew and paramedics and doctors and things, I push them aside and say, ‘My name is Tom Cruise, how can I help?’

I believe that celery has more water content than actual water.
I believe Cameron Diaz is the finest comedienne of our and any other generation.
I believe John Travolta can and should fly air planes, though I’ve never been in one myself.
I believe ladies look good in dark charcoal suits. With their hair slicked back. And no make up.
I believe modern psychiatry and the pharmaceutical industry are in cahoots trying to brain wash vulnerable people and drain them of their money with their hogwash and bullshit.
And yes. I believe in the Church of Scientology.
I believe it is a church and not a cult. We have bigger rooms than a cult would have.
I believe a forty year old jumping up and down on furniture on prime time television is an adorable sign of joie di vivre and puppy love and not a sign of crack smoking.

I believe people in Ireland actually talk like that.
I believe if a man concentrates hard enough he can make stuff move around with his brain flappers.
I believe confidently and totally that the next James Bond should and will be Tom Cruise.
I believe I would have made a great Han Solo.
And finally I believe strawberries are the only fruit to have seeds on the outside and if that doesn’t tell us a very important lesson, then you haven’t been listening to a goddamn word I’ve been saying.

Thank you.

LAST KNIGHTS: REVIEW

LAST KNIGHTS: REVIEW – Morgan Freeman and Clive Owen star in a load sword and shouting rubbish for money.

The times are dark and unspecific, Games of Throne-y but without dragons. The realm is an Empire stretching across national boundaries in a way that coincidentally reflects the multinational co-producers who came together to finance this film. The men are a band of amazingly cool at fighting knights who are also racially, ethnically and religiously diverse in a PC way to appeal to as many markets as possible as inoffensively as possible. The men are bound by a strict code of honor about killing lots of people in the most generic way possible.

Old Baron Bartokles (Morgan Freeman) is bored of good acting and so decides to ham it up and enjoy himself. He is a nobleman who in his autumn years has decided to disavow the hereditary principle, the idea of an aristocracy, corruption and all the things he’s been fine with for the previous years. Being a bit grumpy, he rubs the Emperor and his ministers the wrong way and soon finds himself on the sharp end of a beheading. His loyal servant Rickleshin (Clive Owen) and his unmerry men are scattered and apparently hopeless, but will they manage to get revenge, or will Rickleshin go back to his old bad drinking ways?

Yes, they’ll get revenge. Shit, I’ve said it. SPOILER! Oops, but believe me I’ve saved you two hours of your life. The dialogue seems to have been written for translation into another unearthly language, a kind of filmic Esperanto and it is spoken with the conviction of actors who look happy to be overdubbed. The action is okay, but has none of the kinetic madness of 13 Assassins, which is obviously an influence, and the story plods along in a caperish way, hitting fairly predictable beats and asking you to care for a bunch of characters who are little more than ciphers – young man, older man, etc. By far the best thing about the film is the title Last Knights, because it has a pun of the quality not seen since Cameron Diaz and Tom Cruise ruled the multiplex together.

For more Reviews CLICK HERE.

MERYL STREEP TO GET OSCAR CATEGORY TO HERSELF

HOLLYWOOD – 19 times Oscar nominated (now for Into the Woods) and 3 times previous winner, actress Meryl Streep will no longer be eligible for nomination in the Best Actress or Best Supporting Actress categories, it was revealed today.

Instead, the Academy of Motion Pictures has announced a separate award dedicated simply to her – the Best Meryl Streep Performance of the Year Award – which will Oscar, organizers hope, free up the other categories for Emma Thompson.

Ms. Streep is understood to be relaxed about the news  and she took a minute out of her shoe buying (she is currently preparing for her role in Luc Besson’s forthcoming Imelda Marcos bio-pic More Shoes) to speak with the Studio Exec:

I know why they’re doing it and I applaud them, although the easiest solution would simply have to been: stop nominating me altogether. Of course, like any artiste, I crave the approval of my peers and simply because I have achieved a modicum of success doesn’t lessen that craving. As Cameron Diaz says in The Counselor three times ‘I’m famished’. 

How do you feel essentially competing against yourself?

But is that what’ll happen. I’m not so sure. A Meryl Streep performance isn’t something only Meryl Streep can do you know. Look at Nicole Kidman in The Hours, or Charlize Theron in Monster. I’m sure I won’t be the only nominee, so I’ll have to practice my secretly disappointed but filled with admiration for the just victor face.  

 The Oscars will happen in February but in secret.

MERYL STREEP TO PLAY CAMERON DIAZ IN DIAZ

HOLLYWOOD – Ron Howard today confirmed that Meryl Streep is to star as Cameron Diaz in a new biopic based on the actress’ life entitled simply: Diaz

Scripted by Peter Morgan, the film will see an elderly Cameron Diaz looking back on her life and reminiscing about the peaks and the troughs. The writer said:

It is something of an imagined history if you like, but I find Cameron Diaz endlessly interesting, fascinating even and I think only an actress of Meryl’s calibre could take on the challenge. 

Streep confirmed that she was a lifelong fan of Cameron Diaz, claiming that the role represented a dream come true:

What Cameron did in Knight and Day, what she did in Gangs of New York, rescuing that film from the inadequacy of Day-Lewis, what she pioneered in There’s Something About Mary… I mean she lit a torch that we all followed.

 Have you spoken with Cameron Diaz about the role? 

No, I’ve researched the role obviously, but whenever I’ve played real people I’ve preferred not to meet the real person in case I end up doing something that is merely an imitation. Plus with Cameron Diaz I don’t mind admitting I’m intimidated. I mean no actress is so technically adept and so courageous. Just watch Charlie’s Angels: Full Throttle! The stunts!Amazing.

And more recently The Counselor

No, she was shit in that. 

Diaz will be released in 2015. 

5 ROLES THAT DESTROYED ACTORS

HOLLYWOOD – Actors are only as good as the roles they inhabit. But some actors have their careers capsized by a role.

It might not be a bad role. It might even be a very good role. But it is a role from which their careers might take some time to recover.

1. Jack Nicholson – Jack Torrance: We already has mad Jack with McMurphy in One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest, but Nicholson’s collaboration with Kubrick, fixed the actor in the popular imagination as wild man Jack, a fusion of the popular perception of the actor and his increasingly stereotyped roles. The Witches of Eastwick, Wolf and the Joker were all to follow.

2. Naomi Watts – Princess Diana: Naomi Watts broke into films with her wonderful performance in Mulholland Drive. Ever since then, she has veered from art house fare, including Haneke’s remake of Funny Games to bone crushing stupidity such as King Kong. Her lead role in Diana will probably be seen (hopefully) as the nadir of her career, with the Kiwi actress having to utter lines such as ‘Can a heart really break?’ to her heart surgeon boyfriend.

3. Eddie Murphy – Donkey: The problem with Eddie Murphy’s voice talent performance in the Shrek franchise is the fact it set the bar too high for all his visible roles. The fact that a stupid/smart ass ass outshone every other performance for two decades painfully revealed that this once great stand up comic had become mired in tasteless children’s fare, or vaguely superior children’s fare.

4. Eric Bana – Chopper: The brilliant début of this undoubtedly talented actor was also a moment that both made and ruined his career. With expectations raised so high, Bana would go on to star in films by Ang Lee, Steven Spielberg, Joe Wright and Ridley Scott, but he would consistently prove to be underwhelming, not once creating a character as belligerently unforgettable as the true life crime antagonist of the Andrew Dominik film.

5. Cameron Diaz – Jenny Everdeane: prior to being cast in Martin Scorsese’s Gangs of New York Cameron Diaz was a fine comic actress. Well, okay-ish. But her utter unsuitability as the Nineteenth Century former model turned actress turned prostitute in slum town New York, not only ruined that film but also jinxed her career and she went from adorable wit to annoying wart in the space of a slap.   

For more 5 Facts Click Here. 

THE COUNSELOR: REVIEW

THE COUNSELOR: REVIEW – David from Prometheus (Michael Fassbender) has returned to Earth, blended into the legal profession, re-attached his head and is putting it to good use on Penelope Cruz, but – because he knows more than one Mexican – he’s involved in some kind of drug deal and – because this is a film – it goes wrong.

Incidentally, why are drug deals, bank heists and kidnappings always going wrong in films? What a skewed view of the world! I’ll have you know that for every drugs deal, bank heist and kidnapping that goes wrong, there are thousands that go off without a hitch and everyone goes home happy. How about giving the hardworking girls and boys in the criminal underworld a break and show some happy stories about how well organised they all are? Enough of the negativity, Hollywood!

Anyway down to serious business.

Ridley Scott’s film looks good but sounds awful. Because of the f*cking words. Cormac McCarthy’s script is awful: everyone talks like people talk in Cormac McCarthy novels and no one has talked like that for two hundred years and even then… But that’s not the worst thing. The worst thing is some of these lines are spoken by Cameron Diaz, a barely capable comic actress who is utterly out of her depth here, which is odd, because despite the cod philosophizing of the script the film is actually embarrassingly superficial. But still she’s out of her depth.

McCarthy is a kind of superficial writer. You can get away with it in novels, with your spare prose and references to the King James Bible, but films show it up.

No Country for Old Men borrowed its plot from Dumb and Dumber, but it was so well filmed and acted no one cared. The Road didn’t have a plot so much as a setting and some dour clichés. The Counselor decides to do the clever elision thing, so we know there’s a plot somewhere but Cormac isn’t telling and then he repeats ‘symbols’ so we get some larger ‘point’. And the dialogue wants to sound clever but never actually is.  And if you think I’m being a bit cold, remember: the truth has no temperature.

**

12 YEARS A SLAVE REBOOT MOOTED

HOLLYWOOD – Steve McQueen’s award winning slave drama 12 Years a Slave is to be remade by Tower Heist director Brett Ratner

The Rush Hour 2 director said: 

12 Years is long, long overdue a remake. Basically there’s a whole younger generation of fans out there who’ve not seen this material. And even the old die hard geeks are going to love what we’re thinking of doing with the Solomon Northup universe.  

Despite early rumors to the contrary, actors Chiwetel Ejiofor and Michael Fassbender will not be returning to play their roles. The Red Dragon – as he prefers to be called – continued:

We’re going with some fresh faces and youth in it. I’ve been talking to Hayden Christensen about the role and he’s intrigued even though he still thinks I’m joking. And I’m still after Andrew Garfield, though I know he’s reluctant to sign on, because of the similarities to his Spider-Man role. The tone of our version is going to be a lot lighter. I think if there’s one criticism one can make of the original (and I love it for it’s old timeyness), it’s that it does tend to concentrate on the less fun aspects of slavery.  

 But there weren’t any fun aspects to slavery?

Well, exactly. That’s what you think now. But wait until you see our version.

 And when will we see it?

I’m currently finishing the post-production on my Three Colors: Blue remake [for more on that project Click Here], starring Cameron Diaz. But that will be locked over the next weeks and then production on 12 Years will begin in May.

Brett Ratner’s 12 Amazing Years a Slave will be released in 2015.

 

LAST OF THE SUMMER WINE

HOLMEFIRTH – The beloved BBC comedy The Last of the Summer Wine is due to get the big screen treatment with Robert Redford as Walter ‘Foggy’ Dewheart, Nick Nolte as Clegg and Al Pacino in the role of loveable scruff Compo.

The three pensioners spend their time wandering about the countryside – Southern California will replace the Yorkshire Dales – pondering on their Autumn years, nostalgically recalling their past and conniving to forward the romance between Compo and Nora Batty, played by Cameron Diaz.

Director, Chris Columbus said that he was a fan of the original Roy Clarke show which was broadcast throughout the eighties:

It was absolutely awesome. But I think our version is going to be absolutely ‘stonking’ as the Brits say. When I was making Harry Potter, I studied the Brits and their culture and for years I wanted to do an updated heterosexual version of Are You Being Served? but I couldn’t get the funding, so I’m going to ‘make do’ with this.

Al Pacino says that he is not playing Compo. ‘I am Compo,’ he barked.

The Last of the Summer Wine will be released in 2015.

CAMERON DIAZ IS PAULA DEEN IN ‘TURN THEM OVER, THEY’RE DONE’

Laughing
like drains











ALBANY – Food Network‘s celebrity chef, award winning television host, and world renowned racist Paula Deen is to be played by Cameron Diaz in an almost instantly misjudged comedy Turn Them Over, They’re Done, to be directed by Frank Coraci

Coraci whimpered to The Studio Exec (exclusively):

We’re going to take a very difficult moment in a person’s life, a really delicate subject and what looks to be the ruination of a long career, and play it for laughs.

But isn’t that…?

F*ck you, Studio Exec. 

One of the finest comediennes of our glittering firmament, we asked Cameron Diaz if she worried her reputation might be damaged by portraying a signed up member of the Kooking Kookies Klan (or something like that).  

“What reputation?” she said, laughing like a drain, the sun glinting off stuff.

Turn Them Over, They’re Done will air on TMC next Fall. 

NEW RIDLEY SCOTT THE COUNSELOR: TRAILER



The new Ridley Scott film looks nothing like his long awaited Monopoly project. I mean maybe. It’s hard to tell. Everyone seems to be speaking Russian. That’s a brave choice. God alone knows, as Marvin Gaye once said, ‘What’s going on?’ 

Oh no, I know. It’s The Counselor. Click down to see both the Russian and the English version.