TERRENCE MALICK PLANS ‘WE BOUGHT A ZOO’ REMAKE

TEXAS – Terrence Malick to remake We Bough a Zoo.

Visionary film maker Terrence Malick has revealed that his next project following Knight of Cups will be a remake of the Cameron Crowe classic We Bought a Zoo, starring Matt Damon and Scarlett Johansson.

The news was revealed by Christian Bale, who finished shooting with Malick earlier this year. Speaking to Danish bacon magazine Swine, Bale said:

I was really disappointed working with Terry. Everyone said he was a deeply philosophical man and even a poet of sorts, but my experience was that he is absolutely obsessed by the career of Cameron Crowe. Knight of Cups is basically Almost Famous with some added Heidegger and as the film went on it became evident that he had lost interest and was already thinking about his next project. 

What is your favourite time to eat bacon?

Breakfast. He was working on the script for We Bought a Zoo and constantly phoning Cameron Crowe for tips and hints about how to make the film. He wants to cast exactly the same people, Matt Damon and Scarlett Johansson, and it will basically be a shot for shot remake but with an extensive voice over. 

We Bought a Wonderful Zoo of Glory will be released in 2019.  

WITH YOU, WHATEVER: TONY BLAIR AND GEORGE W BUSH STAR IN NEW ROM-COM

HOLLYWOOD – Tony Blair and George W. Bush are together again in a new romantic comedy With You, Whatever.

Based on the popular novel The Chilcot Report by Nicolas Sparks, With You, Whatever will be directed by Cameron Crowe and stars former British Prime Minister Tony Blair and ex-President George W. Bush in what the studio is calling a touching heartfelt comedy about how we all make mistakes, but some of them cost two million lives and lead to regional breakdown. The Studio Exec had the opportunity to talk to the two stars.

So Tony, George, neither of you are professional actors, how did you prepare for the roles?

George W. Bush: Well, hold on there. I think being a politician has some of the actor’s trade to it, don’t you Tony?

Tony Blair: Yes indeed George. Yes. Insofar as we perform. Though not in the sense that we play a role. We are I think deeply sincere. And I was also in a band.

So this film is set during the build up to the Iraq War. 

GWB: It was a really hard … time. There were lot’s of things we knew but at the same time there were things we thought we knew that later it turned out we didn’t know but we didn’t know that we didn’t know them. We thought we knew them. I mean…

TB: What George is trying to say, if you’ll forgive me George, is that there was a state of tumultuous febrile confusion and we were dealing with the most fragmented forms of information. But in the end a decision had to be made. George and I grew very close in those days.

GWB: Tony would come out to the ranch and we found out we shared the same taste in toothpaste and such.

TB: I don’t think they need to know that George.

But that was the beginning?

GWB: Any how, that was the beginning of a friendship that was to last for decades and this is our story.

TB: We’re both terribly proud of what we did, but we occasionally pretend to be very sad. It didn’t work out the way we wanted it to, but that isn’t what matters. Consequences and the like. No, it is self-belief and holding true to your principles no matter how many experts are calling you crazy, or how little evidence you actually have.

GWB: You get to the edge of the precipice and you just have to leap.

TB: What else are precipices for?

GWB: With you, whatever.

TB: Says it all.

Can you say something about the plot?

GWB: We buy a zoo.

TB: Yes.

With You, Whatever will be released in 2018.

Image courtesy of @ThePixelFactor.

ZOOLANDER 3 GETS NEW POSTER

HOLLYWOOD – Zoolander 2 has only just come out but plans are already afoot for the closing film in Ben Stiller’s comedy trilogy: Zoolander 3: We Bought A Zoolander.

Ben Stiller leaked the new poster to the third entry of the Zoolander trilogy – Zoolander 8 – onto the internet today and the Studio Exec was there to mop up the new synopsis. The new film is to star Ben Stiller as Derek Zoolander as well as Owen Wilson as Hansel and Matt Damon and Scarlett Johansson.

We’re huge fans of the Cameron Crowe picture We Bought a Zoo and for years I’ve wanted to do something that would be a homage to a film that has really influenced my career. I don’t think I would ever have had the nerve to have made Dodgeball or Tropic Thunder without the inspiration that Crowe has given me over the years.

Zoolander 3: We Bought a Zoolander is only the latest in what looks like a heavy year for We Bought a Zoo spin offs, with Matt Damon’s new Bourne film also taking the Cameron Crowe route of whimsy. Crowe himself is philosophical about the impact of his 2011 light family comedy.

I just make the film I want to make. If it is a huge success, I’m really pleased obviously and if filmmakers come back and say they’re influenced by it, then all the more. I know Terrence Malick is a huge fan and has for years been talking about a shot for shot remake. Although Stanley Kubrick died long before the film was released he also wrote in his diaries a synopsis for a film called ‘We Bought a Safari Park’ which sounds very similar to what I did. Tom Cruise (another fan) told me that Kubrick wanted to make it with him and Nicole after Eyes Wide Shut.

Other We Bought a Zoo spin offs in production include a Die Hard spin off and a Star Wars anthology film.

Zoolander 3: We Bought a Zoolander will be released in 2017. Image courtesy of @ThePixelFactor.

FIRST POSTER FOR DIE HARD 6

HOLLYWOOD – The first poster and synopsis for Die Hard 6 hit the internets today and caused a massive explosion which we walked away from without looking back.

Die Hard 6 is fast becoming a reality with the first poster, a synopsis and a photo from a key scene all becoming available EXCLUSIVELY via the Studio Exec. Bruce Willis came round to the Studio Exec bungalow personally ‘to shoot the sh*t’, but Woody Allen had just left and so we talked Die Hard 6 instead.

What will the new film be called?

We wanted to go original with this one. We’ve had the tall building, we’ve had the airport and New York. We even had cyber-space and Russia, but what we didn’t have was a winsome romantic comedy that will melt your heart and that was when we decided on Cameron Crowe as a director and Die Hard: We Bought a Zoo was born.

Amazing title. What’s the story?

It’s simple John McClane is sick of the same old shit happening to him time and time again. He really is ‘too old for this sh*t’. So he buys a farm and settles down with his first wife and new brood of kids.

That sounds like a real departure from the Die Hard formula. What…

But an international gang of East German Dentists want to shoot some trophies and the last surviving rhinoceros in the world, is in the McClane zoo. John McClane has to strap on the vest and the gun and go out and make sure those that want to destroy the zoo he bought, buy the farm! That’s one of the slogans we’re working on.die hard 6

What’s the other?

He was zoo keeping for a living. Now, he’s zoo keeping for his life!

They’re both winners.

I know, right. Benedict Cumberbatch is going to be the chief dentist and Penelope Cruz is a South American orthodontist who has a change of heart.

Die Hard: We Bought A Zoo will be released in 2017.

Images courtesy of @ThePixelFactor.

 

EMMA STONE CAST IN LIVE ACTION MULAN

HOLLYWOOD – Following her quarter Hawaiian quarter Chinese role in Cameron Crowe’s Aloha, Emma Stone continues her fight for racially diverse roles for white actresses, starring in a live action remake of Disney classic Mulan.

Emma Stone (Birdman and Irrational Man) will take on the role of Hua Mulan the legendary female warrior from China’s early history.

She spoke EXCLUSIVELY to the Studio Exec:

When I was in Aloha, Cameron Crowe wrote me a really interesting character in Captain Allison Ng. As a girl who is about as white as you can be, I rarely get the opportunity to play outside of my ethnic category, but Cameron cast me as a girl who was quarter Chinese, quarter Hawaiian and half Swedish. It was a real challenge and I think I pulled it off. So this made me hungry to stretch myself and appear in something where I would be completely another ethnicity.

And so Mulan?

Yes, exactly. Here I’m not just playing a character who is entirely Chinese, Hua Mulan is also a Chinese hero, an iconic figure which is sure to make some people sit up and pay attention.

It is going to be controversial.

I know but I’ve always wanted to challenge fixed notions of race. Many people don’t know this but when I originally auditioned for The Help, I actually went in and read for Aibeleen, the character that Viola Davis ended up playing. Everyone though was just trying to make myself stand out, but I seriously wanted that role. After all black actresses get all the parts these days.

Mulan will be released in 2018.

GRUMPY OLD MEN REBOOT: FIRST LOOK

HOLLYWOOD – The new re-imagining of the Jack Lemmon/Walter Matthau classic Grumpy Old Men gets its first poster featuring stars Liam Neeson and Denzel Washington.

Famous for their more serious dramatic/action roles in films such as Malcolm X and Taken, Liam Neeson and Denzel Washington both expressed their delight at being involved in the Grumpy Old Men remake.

They spoke EXCLUSIVELY with the Studio Exec.

So what attracted you to the project?

Liam Neeson: We’ve both done remakes in the past. I’ve done The A-Team and Denzel did The Equalizer and…

Denzel Washington: The Taking of Pelham 123.

LN: Right. But we don’t get much opportunity to do comedy. People look at us killing people in our films and they don’t connect that with comedy for some reason.

DW: Cameron Crowe has been trying to get a remake of the film off the ground for years and the script has been circulating. I was looking for something to do with Liam because I’ve admired him as an actor ever since I saw Krull.

LN: For me, I became a big Denzel fan after watching Ricochet. That was one hell of a movie. I pointed at the screen and said ‘I want to do that’.

How did you divide the roles?

DW: Liam was already attached to play John Gufstafson, which was Lemmon’s role. But that was perfect for me because I’ve always seen myself more as a Walter Matthau man. I’ve got the same hangdog looks.  So I took to the role of Max really well.

LN: When I was re-watching the original I noticed that John was kind of a handy man and I thought, I too have a particular set of skills. And so that made my mind up really.

How will the new film differ from the old film?

DW: No one wants to see a carbon copy. What’s the point of that?

LN: Right. In the original, John and Max are both basically bitter old men arguing about the affections of an attractive neighbor Ariel. They spy on each other and try to sabotage each other’s plans.

DW: In our version I’m ex-CIA.

LN: And I’m ex-Secret Service.

DW: And we both love Ariel, playing by Melanie Griffith.

LN: But terrorists have kidnapped her.

DW: We need to forget our differences and team up to kill the terrorists, evade the police commanded (as ever) by Forest Whitaker and save Ariel.

Wow. It doesn’t sound like a funny premise.

LN: Funny? Why on earth would it have to be funny?

Because it’s a comedy.

DW: Comedies don’t have to be funny.

LN: Look at This Means War.

Yes, but...

DW: Or anything with Vince Vaughn in.

LN: He’s made hundreds of comedies and not once have I laughed.

DW: Good point Liam.

LN: Thanks Denzel.

Grumpy Old Men will be in cinemas in 2016.

Image courtesy of @ThePixelFactor

ORLANDO BLOOM TO STAR IN THE WIRE MOVIE

HOLLYWOOD – Following botched attempts by Jason Segel and Harmony Korine to turn the famed HBO show into a movie, The Wire is finally coming to the big screen, now directed by Cameron Crowe and starring Orlando Bloom.

The We Bought a Zoo director spoke exclusively to Studio Exec about the project:

I’m a huge fan of the show, I mean who isn’t, and I knew that David [Simon] had written a script and was looking for someone to take it on. At first he was worried about my approach but I told him that I would honor his work and the city and people of Baltimore and the many social issues which his work touches on. Then I rewrote the script.

What changes did you make?

Everyone knows The Wire can be a little depressing and I don’t mind a little bit of depressing as long as there’s a resolution and a shot of everyone hugging in the rain. Oh and gentle humor. Oh and we changed the setting from Baltimore.

 To?

Paris, France.

Uhm…

McNulty, played by Orlando Bloom, has fallen in love with fellow police officer Kima Greggs, played by Zoe Saldana.

But isn’t she a lesbian?

They fall in love during an undercover operation.’You had me at crack.’ Beautiful line. And they’re married now and on their honeymoon in Paris. Where they meet Bubbles (Chris Rock) who has cleaned up, straightened out and is working for the American government as a spy. A drug deal – a French connection if you will…

 I won’t. 

…is going down and Bubbles, Kima and McNulty must stop while at the same time rescuing Bunk (Tracy Morgan) who has been kidnapped by Le Boss (Mathieu Amalric).

The Wire will be released in 2015.

ALEX FROM TARGET: THE MOTION PICTURE

HOLLYWOOD – Alex from Target: the Motion Picture has been green lit and the internet sensation looks like getting the full Cameron Crowe treatment.

The Jerry Maguire director told the Studio Exec EXCLUSIVELY:

This is exactly what I’ve been looking for all my career. The story of an ordinary guy, just doing his thing, when bang love, celebrity and internet viral fame hit him all at the same time. You had me at Target!

The script has already been written – ‘I don’t spend much time on scripts,’ Crowe admitted – and now casting is the next step with One Direction pop sensation Harry Styles stepping in to play the role.

‘I’d love to play him,’ said Harry Styles. ‘He’s kinda my hero.’

Although the film will represent Harry Style’s debut (although he was rumored to be playing the Grey one in Young Gandalf), Harry is in no way fazed by the prospect.

As far as I can tell he just fills plastic bags with supermarket shopping. I think I’ll be able to handle that.

Alex from Target will be released in early 2015.

 

 

WE BOUGHT A DANISH ZOO: FIRST IMAGES

COPENHAGEN – Cameron Crowe has confirmed that We Bought a Danish Zoo will be his next film.

 The famous Almost Famous director said:

People know me as the warm hearted, life affirming comedy guy, but there is a darkness in me that no one has yet witnessed and this year it’s coming out.

The new film will star Chloe Grace Moretz, Scarlett Johansson and Matt Damon who on buying a zoo are confounded by the no nonsense European attitude to nature ‘red in tooth and claw’ compared to their own cloying sentimentality. Damon commented:

The zoo is failing when we buy it, but when one of the animals is accidentally eaten by a lion suddenly people come to visit. So we start to engineer other ‘accidents’ to increase the zoo’s popularity. Scarlett wanted to add a scene where we threw a few Palestinians in as well, but we nixed that as too ‘controversial’.

Perhaps the biggest surprise of the piece will be Matthew Perry’s return to form as Per the comedy janitor. The Friends star admitted:

When I started on day one I was very nervous. I did my comedy Danish accent and everyone was like ‘No stop, it’s awful, really. Jesus Christ!’ and making dry retching noises. But I knew that was their way of encouraging me.

We Bought a Danish Zoo will be released in 2015, rated NC-17.

5 FACTS YOU NEVER KNEW ABOUT CUBA GOODING JR

HOLLYWOOD – For years people have asked the question: what is the point of Cuba Gooding Jr?

Why is he famous? And what exactly is he for? The Studio Exec FACT SQUAD is on his tail and will shout ‘Show me the FACTS’! until he does.

1. Cuba Gooding Jr. was born in New York, not Havana, not even Miami, but New York. No where near Cuba. His name comes from his father who was called Cuba Gooding Sr. Cuba copied the name almost word for word but changed the last word from ‘Sr.’ to ‘Jr.’ and nobody knows why. 

2. His first work was as a break dancer for Lionel Richie at the opening ceremony of the Los Angeles Olympic games. Other early jobs including body bopping on CNN’s cancelled early evening show ‘Body Popping the Headlines’.

3. Cuba won the Academy Award for Best Supporting Actor in Cameron Crowe’s Jerry Maguire and during his acceptance speech caused controversy for claiming that dogs never looked up.

 4. More recently Cuba has preferred to work in the straight to DVD genre, claiming he is freer to express himself. 

5. Although a committed born again Christian, Cuba was never actually born again. This is a metaphor that is sometimes used in the evangelical community and does not mean what it misleadingly seems to, as the ‘born again Christian’ does not have to literally climb back through the vagina and into the womb only to be once more expelled.

 For more FACTS Click Here 

ARONOFSKY: NOAH IS ACTUALLY WE BOUGHT A ZOO PREQUEL

 HOLLYWOOD – Darren Aronofsky has explicitly stated for the first time that his new film Noah actually started life as a prequel to the Cameron Crowe 2011 classic We Bought a Zoo.

Speaking EXCLUSIVELY to the Studio Exec, Aronofsky seemed extremely excited about his new film:

We’ve done a good job. I mean I had to shoot around Russell’s performance a great deal, but Hermione put in a decent day or two and Ray Winstone is really cheap. 

Talking about the origins of the project, the Black Swan director had this to say:

It started off as a prequel to We Bought a Zoo. Cameron was toying with the idea. He had something …  a very early draft. It might even have just been a treatment. Anyway, he asked me to have a pass at it and I said, “Okay but what if we go back in time. Who was the first father who kinda accidentally/on purpose bought a zoo?” And just like that it came to both of us at exactly the same time: Noah!!!

He continues:

Well, then after I had that as my starting point, the script just flew out. It was so easy!

Noah will be released in 2014. 

 

CAMERON CROWE LASHES OUT AT 12 YEARS A SLAVE

TORONTO –  Veteran film director Cameron Crowe is no stranger to controversy, having unleashed polemics against fellow film makers such as David Lynch and Jane Campion in the past, but earlier today he reached a new pitch when he hurled a vitriolic attack against Steve McQueen‘s new film 12 Years a Slave, which has been garnering massive praise since its Telluride and Toronto screenings.

A source close to the director reported the Almost Famous director saying:

I had high hopes for 12 Years a Slave, having been a great fan of Steve McQueen ever since he tried to jump those barbed wire fences on a motor-bicycle during the Second World War. He didn’t make it but by God, he gave it his best shot. Whereas this film, starring Chiwetel Ejiofor and Michael Fassbender and produced by Brad Pitt, is just a huge disappointment. One long wet fart of a film. 

“What’s wrong with it?” our source (who for legal reasons couldn’t possibly be the Studio Exec) asked.

Well, it tells the story of a freeman, a musician called Solomon Northup, who is kidnapped and sold into slavery where he is brutally mistreated. A damning indictment of American history and a moving chronicle of one man’s fight for freedom. So far so good. But not once does Solomon Northup buy a zoo. Not once. I mean, I know McQueen is principally an actor but this is film making 101. There isn’t even a soft rock montage where the protagonist learns to do something better. Not one. No bitter sweet romance, no you had me at hello. Nothing. Can you even call it a film? is my question.

Steve McQueen has refused to comment on Crowe’s outburst, though Michael Fassbender did respond saying he thought, although Mr. Crowe had a right to his opinion, “Elizabethtown was a big bag of sodden shite.”

12 Years a Slave is due to be released in December, 2013. 

WE BOUGHT A ZOO TO BE A TRILOGY

HOLLYWOOD – Universal happiness broke out today as Cameron Crowe revealed that We Bought a Zoo is only the first instalment in a trilogy that will include the forthcoming We Burnt a Zoo Down to the Ground and We had a Really Big Barbecue.

Joy could not be contained as a sense of almost Bacchanalian frenzy swept over the world when Crowe – speaking exclusively to Studio Exec – outlined his plans for what he calls his life’s master work comparable to the Ring cycle by Wagner or Dante’s Divine Comedy. Matt Damon will reunite with Scarlett Johansson and Scarlet Johansson will be there, there. Scarlett Johansson. Scarlett. And some animals and kids and things.

‘The second one We Burnt a Zoo Down to the Ground as the title suggests will be much darker,’ said Crowe, eating a McMuffin. ‘It’ll be my Empire Strikes Back, if you will. And then the final film is a celebration. Something good can come from a fire that kills loads of animals. That’s the message.’

Earlier this week rioting had broken out in Islamabad Pakistan following the selling out of the DVD of We Bought a Zoo. Read out special report here. But now the mood had changed for the better.

‘Will Scarlett be in it?’ one tearful man asked, holding his malnourished daughter in his arms.

The films are to be made back to back and production on all other films is to be suspended until the trilogy is complete.

WE BOUGHT A ZOO RIOTS BREAK OUT IN PAKISTAN

ISLAMABAD – Today widespread rioting broke out in Islamabad, Pakistan, when DVD stocks of the Cameron Crowe whims-fest We Bought a Zoo unexpectedly ran out.

Pakistani film-goers have long loved the gentle comedies of Mr Crowe – even Elizabethtown which everyone else thought was fudge fingers – and sales of We Bought a Zoo, a bafflingly stupid comedy ‘starring’ Matt Damon and Scarlett Johansson were breaking records when stocks were finally exhausted. Local fevers ran so high that the traditional rioting against America day (Friday) was moved forward by local leaders to Wednesday.

One protester yelled, ‘We hate America, but they do make these feel good movies very well.’

Another screamed, ‘It is heart-warming and shows how we can all rise above adversity if we have Scarlett Johansson close to us smiling comfortingly.’

White House sources said they were flying out emergency stocks of We Bought a Zoo which they had been stockpiling for just such a contingency, but feared that more Cameron Crowe related violence might break out elsewhere in the region when it was reported that Vanilla Sky which was due to be shown on state television in Iran had been mysteriously pulled. Some Islamic website are claiming the CIA are orchestrating a ‘Cameron Crowe famine’, accusations the State Department strongly deny.