CADDYSHACK REMAKE LINES UP ANDY SERKIS

HOLLYWOOD – Andy Serkis is to star in the upcoming Caddyshack remake.

The Caddyshack remake will star Andy Serkis and directed by Gus Van Sant. The Lord Of The Rings star will don the mocap suit to play the cuddly Gopher. Andy found fame as Gollum in the Lord Of The Rings films. As a result of his genius for motion capture, Serkis went on to star as Caesar in the Of The Of The Of The Apes Trilogy. Serkis will star in a shot for shot remake of the 80s classic comedy as Caddyshack celebrates its 40th anniversary this year. Gus Van Sant will direct the film because of the runaway success of his shot for shot remake of Psycho. 

‘We’re delighted Andy will join us to battle with his character’s nemesis, a greenskeeper called Carl Speckler.’ said Van Sant, ‘Back in the 80s, the role was played by Bill Murray. With Speckler played by Rob Schneider in this version. We chose him because is such a funny man. It’s going to be side splitting.’

‘Jason Sudeikis will join the cast as playboy millionaire, Ty Webb. Chevy Chase played the role of Webb in the 80s. Because of that, Chevy will play Judge Smails, the right wing, hot headed judge.’

‘Because we have such a great cast, Caddyshack will be the summer smash of the year, I guarantee it and we wont stop there. As a result of it’s success we will use it to launch a whole new cinematic universe. The Old Film Remake Universe or OFRU will challenge any old crap Marvel or DC has out there. So, we have several films all ready to go like Kramer Vs Kramer, Weird Science, Klute and A Nightmare On Elm Street.’ I told Van Sant that Elm Street had recently been remade with Jackie Earle Hayley as Freddie Krueger. As a result, Van Sant did not react well. ‘Wait, what?’ he shouted, ‘Why didn’t Jackie tell me? Because we signed him on to play Freddie. That son of a bitch! Why can’t people do anything original these days?!’

Caddyshack is due for release on various platforms in July.

NOT LIKING BILL MURRAY TO BE MADE ILLEGAL

HOLLYWOOD – Anyone who doesn’t like Bill Murray could face a maximum fine of $15,000 and up to six months in prison, according to a new law currently being considered in Congress.

The legislation would criminalize ‘indifference, criticism of and/or contempt of Mr. Bill Murray, including comments that he has “lost it” or “gone off the boil”‘. Congressman Eddie Vargas (D) says that the legislation has been made necessary by a number of lackluster Bill Murray movies which have tested the love for the cult film actor:

Bill Murray is like a protected species. He has an ineffable charm, a weary hangdog expression and he can be both dryly witty and deeply tragic in the same shot, so it is important that we remind the nation of Ghostbusters, Groundhog Day and Lost in Translation and try to encourage them to forget about Saint Vincent.

Opponents of the bill say that coercing people to like Bill Murray will be counterproductive. Jean Backalore spokes EXCLUSIVELY to the Studio Exec:

I like Murray. He’s a fine comic actor and a charismatic presence. But the internet worship of the actor as an icon has gone too far and does him a disservice, leading to Comic-Con appearances among other things. We have to be honest. Ghostbusters great, Ghostbusters 2 not so much. Groundhog Day great, Meatballs not so much. Rushmore, great. The Life Aquatic of Steve Zissou not so much. But that sentence that I have just said would be considered illegal and I might find myself deprived of my liberty. This goes beyond George Orwell’s 1984.

Do you support the No Bill Murray Left Behind Bill? Speak your Brains!

GOLF: THE MOTION PICTURE, A PREVIEW



HOLLYWOOD – Kevin Costner‘s epic movie Golf: The Motion Picture is due out in February, 2013 and Studio Exec have been given an exclusive access to his six hour long labor of love.
Starring Costner, Robert Duvall and Danny Glover, Golf tells the story of the Greenridge Golf Club, during an ordinary day. ‘Golf has become very popular with super stars like Tiger Woods bringing many new fans to the sport,’ The Postman star said. ‘But in a way I think it has become too exciting with competitions like The US Masters and the Ryder Cup giving entirely the wrong impression. Golf is generally much slower and boring. My film tries to reflect that’

The film looks beautiful, with a stirring score by Philip Glass. It hasn’t a story as such. Greens man and part time player, Joe Buckle (Costner) cuts the grass and worries about mole hills. Bill (Duvall) and Jeff (Glover) slowly and ineptly complete their usual 18 holes.  The pace is as pedestrian as they are. Costner said:

We want the reality of golf to be seen on the screen. Anyone expecting the high octane excitement of Wyatt Earp or the frenetic story telling of Open Range are going to be disappointed. This is going to be long and involves a thirty minute scene of Jeff and Bill looking for a ball in the rough.

‘It’s like Caddyshack without the jokes,’ said Glover. ‘Actually it’s like Caddyshack.’

Golf: the Motion Picture is out February 23rd, 2013.