ELI ROTH IS THE NEW DARIO ARGENTO, CLAIMS ELI ROTH

HOLLYWOOD – Director of the Death Wish remake and The Green Inferno Eli Roth is the new Dario Argento, Eli Roth stated today.

Eli Roth is famous for eyebrows, gory movies and more eyebrows. Breaking out with the Hostel movies and Cabin Fever, he’s back with a Bruce Willis starring remake of the revenge thriller Death Wish.

He came into the Studio Exec bungalow to discuss the claims that he’s the American version of Italian horror maestro Dario Argento.

I really think Eli Roth is the US version of Dario Argento.

You’re talking about yourself in the third person.

I know. Eli Roth often talks about himself in the third person. He considers it a post-feminist tribute to The Third Man.

But what is this bunk about you being Dario Argento?

Eli Roth really is the new Dario Argento. Think about it. He makes horror movies. As did Dario. They both have an o and an r and an i in their names. They both have hands. The similarities are endless.

Do you think you’ve made a film as good as Profondo Rosso or Suspiria?

Eli Roth refuses to split hairs. Mr Roth has left the building.

Death Wish is out this week.

ELI ROTH: GREEN INFERNO FIRST OF THREE COLORS TRILOGY

HOLLYWOOD – Horror maestro and Mr. Eyebrows 1997, Eli Roth today announced that Green Inferno was but the first in a ‘Three Colors Trilogy’, in imitation of Krzysztof Kieslowski’s famous Three Colors Trilogy.

Eli Roth, director of Hostel and Cabin Fever, revealed today that his latest film – The Green Inferno – is just part one of a projected Three Colors Trilogy. Slipping into the Studio Exec Bungalow ealry this morning, he sat in the dark watching us sleep before announcing his presence.

The first film is of course The Green Inferno, partly because of the green of the rainforest and also because of the ecology, the politics of the young people who go there and find themselves embroiled in a terrible fight for survival as they are beset by cannibals. The second film in the trilogy is going to be The Blue Inferno. Here, we have some oceanographers who are researching the famous plastic bottle island. Again there is a sense of environmental responsibility but now it is a group of mutants who attack them and rend their flesh. The twist here is that the mutants were originally extras working on Kevin Reynolds Waterworld, starring Kevin Costner, who were left behind when the movie wrapped and went feral.

What about the third film?

The third film is going to be called The Red Inferno.

Ah! Because of blood?

No, because it is going to be set on Mars. A group of ecologists are taking it to the next level. They are worried about not only saving the planet but saving all planets. Worried abvout a spike in temperatures on the planet Mars they travel there in an attempt to draw attention to global warming on Mars. But unfortunately they are captured by Tim Robbins and Gary Sinise who are still there following Brian dePalma’s tragic Mission to Mars.

Jesus!

I know.

And how does this tie in to Kieslowski’s Three Colors Trilogy?

Kieslowski has been an influence on my whole career. Look at Hostel: Part 2 and you’ll see it’s basically a remake of A Short Film About Killing. I always wanted to match the maestro’s breadth, but until now I was unable to find the subject matter that would suit such scope, but now with Green Inferno, Blue Inferno and Red Inferno, I think I’ve got it.

The Green Inferno is on general release.