JIM CARREY TO PLAY BUGS BUNNY

HOLLYWOOD – Rubber-faced funny man, Jim Carrey, has signed on to voice the role of Bugs Bunny in Gasper Noé’s much anticipated Looney Tunes movie, Silence of the Wabbits.

“I’ve never seen Jim so committed,” said his agent Peter Bond:

He’s eaten nothing but carrots for the last three months and although he’s so starved of protein his internal organs have began to cannibalize themselves, he can see clearly in the dark up to a distance of 6 kilometres.

The Silence of The Wabbits screenplay was written by former crack addict turned stand-up comedian Robert Rand and he promises a darker take on the loveable cartoon character.

“Bugs Bunny is essentially a sadist,” said an animated Rand:

He degrades, humiliates and inflicts pain on everyone he comes into contact with. The likes of Elmer Fudd, and Daffy Duck are victims of psychological warfare but rather than sympathize with them, we are manipulated into rooting for Bugs. We take pleasure in his cruelty and if that’s not a damning indictment of the human condition, I don’t know what is.

Inspired by Thomas Harris’ acclaimed novel Silence of Lambs, Bugs will star as the evil Dr Hannibal Lettuce who teams up with Agent Clarence Canary (Tweetie Pie) to catch renown serial killer Gruffalo Bill (Yosemite Sam).

“It’s a brutal tale and Gasper has sworn that all of the graphic violence in the script will make it onto the screen,” said Rand:

I thought he might cut the scene when Dr Lettuce cooks the Roadrunner’s brains and serves them up to a salivating Wile E. Coyote but that’s definitely in. As for what happens to Porky Pig, all I’ll say is it’s going to convert a lot of people to Judaism.

Silence of The Wabbits is due for release in 2018.

VIN DIESEL ANNOUNCES ELMER FUDD

 SAN DIEGO – Vin Diesel – of Fast and Furious and Riddick fame – has been hinting that a new franchise (perhaps coming from Marvel) was in the offing, but today he revealed he would be starring in a live action version of Elmer Fudd.

The film, provisionally entitled Fudd, will star Vin Diesel in the leading role of the follically-challenged hunter.

An obviously excited Diesel said:

I love the Looney Tunes ‘Universe’ and have been a fan for years. This will be a whole new take on Elmer ‘Egghead’ Fudd. If you think about it, he’s the original action star. A dark character, a man of violence, who relentlessly hunts his adversary the dubbuh-cwossing wabbit! the tweachewous miscweant!

A director has not yet to be attached but Kenneth Branagh has already evinced an interest in an interview with Rolling Stone.

‘He is perhaps the most complex character in animated history,’ said the Shakespeare interpreter extraordinary. ‘Except obviously for Bugs Bunny.’

Comic-Con c-c-c-con-tinues.