Tag: BRUCE WILLIS
BOB BALABAN TO REPLACE BRUCE WILLIS IN DIE HARD 6
HOLLYWOOD – Veteran actor Bob Balaban is to take over from Bruce Willis as perennial cop in the wrong place John McClane in Die Hard 6.
Director Noah Baumbach explained the left field casting choice when he spoke to Studio Exec earlier today:
The last Die Hard [A Good Day to Die Hard – SE] was such a colossal turd that the studio has decided to go in a radically different direction. Initially, we were looking at young upcoming action stars like Jason Statham or Chris Pine, but they made some fairly weak excuses and it was clear they thought of the franchise as pretty much done in. Then Bruce called and suggested Bob. They’d worked together on Moonrise Kingdom and got on very well.
Bruce Willis confirmed:
I’ve always admired Bob as an actor. He has this reputation as a quiet nebbish type, but inside him there’s this inner steel that I saw instantly would look good with a machine gun, an undershirt and a flaring Uzi.
Balaban himself commented:
As an actor I’ve had a fairly wide ranging ride. From the nerdy guy in Close Encounters of the Third Kind to the nerdy guy in The Monuments Men, roles have taken me many different places, psychically and physically. Now as McClane I guess I’m going to China or somewhere in Eastern Europe and there’ll be explosions and what not. According to the script, I have retired from the police force and am now spending my time searching for antiquarian books when the terrorists strike. I hope I don’t drop my glasses.
An Interesting Thing Happened to me on the Way to the Die Hard will be released in 2016.
FOR YOUR CONSIDERATION … 2. OZ THE GREAT AND POWERFUL
James Franco James Franco James Franco James Franco
FOR YOUR CONSIDERATION … 1. AFTER EARTH
It is the film that forced Stephen Hawking to weep and say to those in the audience: ‘This is how it will be when we have space crafts and stuff like that.’
PUNK’D: ASHTON KUTCHER AND DEMI MOORE NOT REALLY DIVORCING
HOLLYWOOD – We only have ourselves to blame. Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore – the romance of the millennium, the fairy story that look set to end in acrimony and scandal – will actually continue.
The separation and divorce announced and filed December 2012, has turned out to be yet another elaborate gag on the part of the irrepressible Ashton Kutcher.
‘Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha,’ said Mr. Kutcher to the three journalists who turned up to the press conference. ‘HA! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Phew. There, now you’ve been Punk’d by the master perhaps (and this is the serious point me and Demi wanted to make) you won’t be so quick to gloat at the failing of a celebrity marriage between an Amazonian beauty and a youngster who’s famous for pretty much nothing.’
The fake separation was greet with expressions of joy also by Ms. Moore’s ex, Bruce Willis, who found out about it when he turned up to Demi Moore’s house with a huge bouquet of flowers, a diamond re-engagement ring and champagne on ice. ‘Oh…’ he said, with a small choking sound. ‘That’s wonderful. And funny. I suppose. Does anyone know where the nearest bar is from here?’
1. Convincing everyone that abstemious book worm Charlie Sheen was actually a wild party animal, Kutcher through hacking Sheen’s phone managed to create an impression of such staggering instability that Sheen was booted off his incredibly successful sit-com Two and a Half Men. To make it even funnier, he was replaced by … Ashton Kutcher! HA!
2. During the filming of The Guardian, he convinced Kevin Costner that the film was actually about the British newspaper The Guardian and Costner spent six months in their London offices doing research which proved useless when it came to filming the scenes as a Coast Guard rescue swimmer.
3. Prior to filming Jobs Kutcher told everyone he had read the script when as a matter of fact he still hasn’t.
Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher will be divorcing again next week for anyone who missed it.
BRYAN CRANSTON REPLIES TO SIR ANTHONY HOPKINS
HOLLYWOOD – Bryan Cranston of Breaking Bad fame wrote s a wonderful reply to Anthony Hopkins’ fan letter.
BRUCE WILLIS: FINANCIAL ADVISOR
Hi, my name’s Bruce Willis.
Sure I have days like that but so do most actors. Hell I know for a fact that Christopher Lambert has attempted suicide at least a 100 times but unfortunately, being a Highlander and all, he can only be killed if he’s decapitated by a sword and if you’ve ever tried to cut your own head off with a claymore, you’ll appreciate what a logistical nightmare that is.
SPIKE LEE ATTACKS LEE DANIELS’ THE BUTLER
HOLLYWOOD – Today, Spike Lee launched a scathing attack on Oprah Winfrey and Lee Daniels for their new film, Lee Daniels’ The Butler, which stars Forest Whitaker as a butler who works for a succession of eight Presidents, living through the turbulence of the Vietnam war and the Civil Rights movement.
The Malcolm X director fumed: “He just picks stuff up.”
Speaking EXCLUSIVELY to the Studio Exec, Lee yelled:
Lee Daniels’ The Butler kisses butt when it should kick butt. Forest Whitaker just stands around doing stuff for a bunch of white folk in the White House. There are no alien invasions, no asteroids hurtling towards the Earth and no terrorists kidnapping the President, who should be Morgan Freeman by the way. You can be sure as shit if Whitaker was Steven Seagal or Bruce Willis he’d spend more time kicking ass and less time picking stuff up, or just standing there.
Equally outraged was black activist Carrie Fisher, who wrote in her blog Something Fishery:
Lee Daniels’ The Butler‘s bullshit. We see the White House and we’re waiting. Whitaker turns up to do an ordinary job, a servant’s job basically, but we think he’s probably ex-Special Forces. It’s tense. We wait. One president, nothing, then two presidents. What the fuck? Three presidents, four? In the end there are eight Goddam presidents and not one time does the White House get infiltrated by terrorists. Not once. Or blown up by an asteroid. It’s bullshit.
Harvey Weinstein, whose Weinstein Company produced the film, issued the following statement:
We were expecting a lot more from Lee Daniels’ The Butler. Frankly we were misled. Once Lee Daniels said that Lee Daniels’ The Butler was set in the White House there were three ways it could go: asteroid, terrorists, or the President’s dog. I’m sad to say that Lee Daniel’s The Butler falls down on all three counts. We shall be seeking legal compensation.
Lee Daniels’ The Butler 2: With Terrorists will be released in 2015.
ASHTON KUTCHER AND JUDI DENCH TO MARRY
HOLLYWOOD – Jobs star and ex-Mr Demi Moore, Ashton Kutcher announced his long awaited marriage to M actress Judi Dench earlier today.
Rumors had been rife about the couple ever since, Kutcher accompanied Dame Dench o the premier of The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel last year, and friends of the couple have said the two have made no secret of their commitment. A source close to Kutcher (it was Jonah Hill) told Studio Exec anonymously:
We went out for dinner and although they were discreet, arriving separately and leaving at different times, it was obvious to everyone in the room that they were very much in love. They had their hands all over each other and Kelsey Grammer actually told them to get a room at one point.
Friends said that the two have a great deal in common, one of them is a highly accomplished actor and they both enjoy breathing cool air and taking walks in the moonlight. It is reported that they are planning a small private ceremony to which close friends and Bruce Willis will be invited.
Jobs 2: Retina Display will be released in 2015.
BRUCE WILLIS AND SYLVESTER STALLONE MARRY
SAN FRANCISCO – In a surprise twist following recent contretemps, Sylvester Stallone and Bruce Willis have got married, taking advantage of recent changes in the marriage laws.
After something that was like a tiff about Expendables 3, the Testosterone Twins decided to get hitched having got a lot of tension out through what they called ‘physical exertion’.
Stallone said on the court steps in front of an audience of friends and Jean Claude Van Damme:
We had been tussling for some time, but then the tussling, and fighting soon turned to slapping, then wrestling and then that turned into something a bit more serious and then… well Jesus Christ. What do you want? Pictures?
To the resounding shout of YES! the happy couple demurred.
The Expendables 4 will be released in 2015.
JAMES GANDOLFINI’S HARPSICHORD HITS
NEW JERSEY – Tony Soprano actor and classical music guru, James Gandolfini launches a new album entitled ‘A Treasury of Harpsichord Favorites’.
James Gandolfini explained to Studio Exec his continued passion for the keyboard string instrument:
Ever since I started acting, anyone will tell you, there’s a lot of waiting around. Some read philosophy and do long division like Lindsay, others get into drugs like Hanks, but I learnt harpsichord and studied tonality in music.
The album includes many of James’ personal favorites, including ‘The Fall of the Leaf’, ‘The Queen’s Book’, ‘Wolsey’s Wild’ and ‘I Don’t Wanna Be Called Yo Nigga!’ by Public Enemy.
I’ve been talking to Bruce Willis because he wants to make a come back as a singer. And he asked me if he could do some singing while I tinkle, if you know what I mean. I have absolutely no intention of doing it, but you know, I keep stringing him along for shits and giggles.
G.I. JOE AND TYLER PERRY WIN THE WEEKEND
GI Joe: Retaliation won the Easter weekend Box Office, though Tyler Perry’s Temptation also did good business despite the fact that Tyler Perry is almost universally considered a tool. Meanwhile, The Host was a disappointing debut showing that the young-adult genre is shizzle.
Top quote Ray Subbers at Box Office Mojo:
The Top 12 earned an estimated $140.8 million, which is nearly identical to the same weekend last year. The G.I. Joe sequel grossed an estimated $41.2 million this weekend, which ranks as the second-highest Easter debut ever behind 2010’s Clash of the Titans ($61.2 million). Including Thursday, the movie has earned $51.7 million; that’s a bit below G.I. Joe: The Rise of the Cobra‘s $54.7 million three-day start in August 2009. For its three major stars, this is also a potent opening: it ranks third-highest for Channing Tatum, second-highest for The Rock, and it’s remarkably the top debut ever for a Bruce Willis movie.
Studio Exec will from now on be committed to reporting only the FACTS of Hollywood news with particular attention paid to Box Office receipts.
GI JOE FANS ANGRY AT ‘TOO HUMAN’ FILM
HOLLYWOOD – The release of the latest installment in the GI Joe franchise looks set to be a commercial and critical success but some fans are criticizing the film for being too human.
GI Joe: Retaliation is a travesty. Instead of plastic dolls with expressionless faces and no way of conveying emotion, we get ‘actors’ like Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson, Channing Tatum and Bruce Willis quite obviously moving their faces in attempts to somehow convey emotion, in direct contradiction of the spirit of the toys.
Director Jon M. Chu responded angrily to the criticism:
We specifically tried to choose actors that I could rely upon to give me a sense of impassive stupidity and block-headed numbness and I think we achieved that. It’s unfair for Jason (who by the way I’ve had run ins with before) to pick on our film when he knows that we are trying our best – as lovers of plastic toys – to stay true to the spirit of the product. If you come to our movie, you’ll see lots of parts where we’ve even managed to CGI the humans out of the film altogether. And still he’s not happy.
GI Joe: Retaliation is on general release.
BRUCE WILLIS CAST IN TARANTINO’S MAHATMA GANDHI KILL KILL KILL!!!
DELHI – The news on Quentin Tarantino’s new film Mahatma Gandhi Kill Kill Kill!!! is coming in thick and fast with the announcement that Bruce Willis will appear in the lead role.
He’ll join Christoph Waltz who has already signed on as a German clergyman who shows the thin Indian the way to kick British Imperialism out of the Asian subcontinent.
Willis said that he was excited to join up once more with Tarantino with whom he had worked with on Pulp Fiction in 1994.
I think that it’s a good time in my career to move towards something a little more serious and Quentin and I have talked for years about our Gandhi movie. Whenever we met up at parties and what not, we’d huddle in a corner and talk about how we could make this inspirational figure into an ass kicking action star.
Are you worried about being compared to Sir Ben Kingsley’s Oscar winning performance?
Honestly no. Me and Sir Ben are different actors. We have a different style. He did the accent and the color and the peaceful wisdom. I doubt we’ll be going in that direction. I’ll be offing British toffs with a Gatling gun and saying things like ‘Pop this Jewel in your motherfucking crown!’
Mahatma Gandhi Kill Kill Kill!!! is due to start filming tomorrow.
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