MOSCOW – Spongebob Squarepants brings his own unique touch to an adaptation of Fyodor Dostoevsky’s The Brothers Karamazov.

Spongebob Squarepants and the Brothers Karamazov is due to start filming in Russia later this month. The long-gestating project was a dream of Spongebob creator, the late Stephen Hillenburg. A source close to the production, animator Pavel Steppingson told the Studio Exec EXCLUSIVELY:

We’re so stoked here in Russia. I don’t know if you know but Spongebob is like really fucking big here. I mean bigger than Mickey Mouse. That goddamned Мудак.

So what are we looking at here Pavel? A sort of Muppets Christmas Carol deal?

What? No! Absolutely not. This is not going to be a parody or anything of the sort. We like Spongebob here in Russia because he speaks to the darkness in men’s souls and so it came as no surprise at all to us that they wanted to do a faithful version of Dostoevsky’s novel. As Dostoevsky once wrote: “One can know a man from his laugh, and if you like a man’s laugh before you know anything of him, you may confidently say that he is a good man.” Well I have heard Spongebob laugh. And Patrick. And they are good people.

Will the other members of the Spongebob cast appear?

Obvs. Patrick will play Dmitri Fyodorovich, the sensualist older son. Squidward will play Ivan Fyodorovich, the sullen misanthrope. And of course Spongebob is Alexei Fyodorovich Karamazov, the youngest and most likable of the three brothers. Mr Krabs plays the father and Sandy plays the heroine, the fiery Agrafena Alexandrovna Svetlova. The cast are staying in Finland where they rehearse every day. In fact they’ve rehearsed already six months. It’s a tough text and Michael Haneke, the director, is trying to get everything he can out of them.

That’s amazeballs. 

Yes, it is isn’t it. Next month, principal photography will begin and we are hoping to get a Christmas release. You know, for the kids.

Spongebob Squarepants and the Brothers Karamazov coming soon.