INTERNATIONAL HAWK THE SLAYER DAY MARRED BY VIOLENT PROTESTS

HOLLYWOOD – International Hawk The Slayer Day saw millions joined in celebration of the John Terry starring 1983 fantasy film across the globe.

However, the event was marred by ugly scenes when thousands of Red Sonja supporters staged violent protests which in some cases descended into ugly bouts of ‘pushing’ and ‘shoving’.

In New York, where police estimated five thousand people had gathered in Central Park, sixteen people had to be hospitalized with what one doctor called ‘admittedly minor injuries’. One Slayer – bleeding from a twisted lip – told Studio Exec:

It was horrible. We were re-enacting one of the best fights from the film, where the guy fires the arrows really quickly, when suddenly all these Brigitte Nielssen lookalikes descended on us. It was carnage.

The Red Sonja Movement is a radical feminist branch of the Fantasy Fan World, fighting everywhere for increased female visibility in fantasy films and TV shows. Spokesperson Xena McGillis speaking from Glasgow said:

We are sick and tired of fantasy being the preserve of repressive male fantasy and we will continue to disrupt such events as International Hawk the Slayer Day and The Gathering and the Krull Jamboree until Game of Thrones shows more cock and less tits and ass.

In honor of International Hawk the Slayer Day, Hawk the Slayer will be playing in a theater near you. 

5 HISTORICAL INACCURACIES IN ROCKY IV

HOLLYWOOD – Everyone knows that Sylvester Stallone‘s 1985 boxing film Rocky IV was based on a real fight that took place in 1982 but despite writer/director/ star Stallone’s commitment to authenticity there are a few inconsistencies spotted by the eagle-eyed Studio Exec FACT squad.

1. Rocky’s Russian opponent, Ivan Drago, played in the film by Dolph Lungren, is portrayed as a muscle bound 6 ft 5 giant with blond hair and a wife called Ludmilla, played by Sylvester Stallone’s then wife Brigitte Nielsen, but in real life Ivan Drago was actually married to a woman called Ivana. 

2.  When Rocky initially refuses to fight Drago, old enemy turned friend Apollo Creed (played by Carl Weathers) takes on the challenge and is killed in the ring [Spoiler].  The pre-show has James Brown performing ‘Living in America’. In reality, James Brown sang a cover version of the Rolling Stones hit ‘Brown Sugar’.

3. Rocky’s brother-in-law Paulie (Burt Young) owns a comedy robot called Sico. Although not an inaccuracy as such, the film neglects to mention that this robot was developed by Skynet and would later be instrumental in taking over the world.

4. During the training sequence, Ivan is shown using high-tech equipment to supplement his training and Rocky by contrast goes running in the snow. In actual fact, Rocky Balboa occasionally punched computers as well, but only to destroy them because he feared that one day Skynet would take over the world. 

5. The conclusion of the film shows Rocky winning the fight and also winning over the affection of the Russian audience. He gives an inspirational speech which is applauded even by the General Secretary of the Communist Party, and which includes the passage ‘If I can change and you can change, then everyone can change.’ In actual fact, the real Rocky Balboa said: ‘I beat your best man you dirty commie bastards!’ and was chased from the stadium by an angry mob, almost unleashing nuclear Armageddon on the world.

For more FACTS click HERE! 

  

ARNIE DID SAN DIEGO: SHOCK REVELATION

 

SAN DIEGO – Following on from his earlier revelations of sexual shenanigans, including a raunchy affair with Brigitte Nielsen, Arnold Schwarzenegger former California Governor and Predator and Jingle all the Way star admitted to having ‘done’ much of San Diego.

‘There were perhaps one or two neighbourhoods I missed but I’m pretty sure I did more or less everyone who it was legal to do,’ said Arnie, who has kicked back and let loose with the secrets in his forthcoming memoir Total Recall. ‘I worked on a grid system so I wouldn’t miss anyone.’

Ask why he was so irresistible to men and women, the multi-millionaire body builder and action movie superstar looks baffled, ‘I don’t know. The accent perhaps?’
 
Conan the Destroyer – as he likes to be known – is currently back on our screens in The Expendables 2 and has a whole slate of films lined up including Triplets which he is hoping will give him a chance to get it on with his co-star Danny DeVito. ‘I have a lot of affectionate memories of Danny,’ Arnie said.
 
When asked to respond to the claims DeVito said that Arnie is a fantasist. ‘I love Arnie but I’m happily married and I’m from New Jersey,’ the Taxi star assured Studio Exec. ‘We certainly didn’t Jingle all the way.’