LIFE NOT LIKE A BOX OF CHOCOLATES, TOM HANKS ADMITS

HOLLYWOOD – Today Tom Hanks was forced to admit that life was nothing ‘like a box of chocolates’, finally ending years of hopeless speculation.

Tom Hanks told the Studio Exec in an EXCLUSIVE interview this morning that life was NOT like a box of chocolates despite having claimed the contrary to millions of theater goers and making their lives a living hell as a consequence.

I think you’re exagerating a just a line in a movie and if you look at the movie it is quite clear that Forrest Gump is not being held up as some kind of expert.

Au Contraire! I think we was supposed to think of Gump as a Holy Fool who spoke truth to corrupt society.

That’s your interpretation but…

God damn it Hanks! It isn’t an interpretation, it’s the objective truth.

The objective truth? Now you listen to me Exec, there is no truth that’s as broad as the varied experience of lived existence, the splash of cold water, the running through the rain wet grass, the warmth of the sun on a baby’s face, bicycles, 747 jumbo jets, explosions on the Gaza strip. You can’t constrain that with your cold description and the narrowness of language.

So what are you saying then?

Life is not like a box of chocolates. Because when you get a box of chocolates you know you’re going to get chocolates. It’s internally incoherent. Life could have been described as like a box of chocolates if inside you could get things that weren’t chocolates. Fruit, little bits of stone, the foam of a breaking wave.

Tom, are you okay?

Jesus, this acid is strong.

Just let it break over you. Do you want some orange juice. Get some vitamin c. 

My blood sugar is low give me some candy.

Here. 

Wow. A box of chocolates. If you think about it life is, you know, like a box of chocolates.

Tom Hanks is in Bridge of Spies.

TOM HANKS DELIVERS THE MAIL THIS WEEK

HOLLYWOOD – If you live in Stockton City California, keep your eye out for Tom Hanks who will be delivering the mail all this week.

The Forrest Gump and Bridge of Spies star Tom Hanks will be delivering the mail this week in Stockton City, California as part of the Federal Celebrity Postal Initiative.

Postal worker, Tom Hanks popped round with a special delivery to the Studio Exec Bungalow to talk about it:

Ever since I found that student’s ID in the park I was initially pleased. And then afterwards I was really deflated. I felt like ‘Why can’t I do stuff that is useful instead of just pretending to be other people all the time?’ So when I heard about there being an opening in the Stockton Postal service I leaped at the chance to fill in.

So this isn’t a charity thing?

No, I mean I made that bit up because of my publicist and anyway I’m doing a week’s trial and we’ll see how it goes, but I’m pretty confident I can do the job. I mean how hard can it be? I hear they write the addresses on the outside of the letters so all you have to do is find the place and deliver the letter, or the parcel. I hope they don’t have dogs though.

Tom Hanks will be delivering mail all this week.

OUTRAGE AT LACK OF TINTIN IN BRIDGE OF SPIES

NEW YORK -Following the premier of his new film Bridge of Spies, Steven Spielberg found himself at the center of a sh*t storm of controversy as it was revealed that beloved Belgian boy-detective Tintin fails to make an appearance in the film.

Steven Spielberg is an undoubtedly a great director, but does the lack of Tintin in Bridge of Spies – which premiered at the New York Film Festival this week – show that he has finally lost his touch. The New York Times asked earnestly in an editorial:

What kind of Tintin film doesn’t feature Tintin? Although as a Cold War court room drama/espionage thriller with a classical hankering for the golden age of the well made film Bridge of Spies most definitely works, fans of Hergé‘s most famous creation are in for a huge disappointment.

Indiewire said that although the previous Tintin film The Adventures of Tintin: The Secret of the Unicorn had been something of a misfire, ‘the new film seems to have entirely misunderstood the magic of the original comic books, which has made Tintin such a beloved character across the world.’ However, some (including this reporter) had already pointed out that the trailer also failed to forefront the quiffed one, Snowy and Captain Haddock. Likewise, some have argued that Peter Jackson is now due a Tintin picture a fact that he conveniently forgot when he changed the title of The Adventures of Tintin: The Battle of the Five Armies to The Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Armies.

Whatever the truth of the matter, the absence of Tintin can only hurt Tom Hanks’ chances of winning another Oscar as the Academy is notorious for punishing Tintin-less movies.

The Adventures of Tintin: Bridge of Spies is on general release.

HOOCH AND HOOCH LOSES HANKS

HOLLYWOOD – New spin off comedy Hooch and Hooch has lost star Tom Hanks over what is being called by the studio ‘creative differences’.

Turner and Hooch was the best loved dog/cop comedy of July, 1989 and so when rumors of a remake began to circulate – provisionally titled Hooch and Hooch – it was hoped that the original stars could be reunited. Beasley the Dog had sadly passed away and now it looks like comedian turned actor Tom Hanks will also be passing on the project.

A studio insider told the Studio Exec EXCLUSIVELY:

It isn’t Tom’s fault. He came to the project quite late on. The script had been written and some of the story-boarding too. He has a lot of affection for the original film, but when he read the script he just didn’t think his role was big enough to warrant the time commitment. And so he went and did Bridge of Spies instead.

The synopsis for the film reads:

Hooch is a large sloppery police dog who plays by the book, but his world is about to be turned upside down by his identical twin brother Hooch, a low down street dog. When they both become embroiled in the murder of a local politician mixed up in VIP sex parties and the sale of a corridor of land for a high speed rail link, they must team up to save the day.

The script was written by Nic Pizzolatto and will be directed by Bret Ratner.

Meanwhile James Belushi has confirmed the long-awaited sequel to the second most loved dog/cop comedy of July, 1989 K-9.

Hooch and Hooch will be released in 2017. And K-10 will be released 5 seconds earlier.

Image courtesy of @ThePixelFactor

 

NO TINTIN IN BRIDGE OF SPIES TRAILER

HOLLYWOOD – The trailer for the new Steven Spielberg film Tintin and the Bridge of Spies doesn’t feature any footage of its hero Tintin.

The Cold War spy saga stars Tom Hanks and Mark Rylance in a tense tale of espionage and fraught danger. On the plus side the CGI is a marked improvement on 2011’s Tintin and The Secret of the Unicorn, with an almost photo-realistic realization of New York and East Berlin and a Tom Hanks who has escaped the uncanny valley that The Polar Express thrust him into. And yet at the same time many Tintin fans were left scratching their heads at the absence of Georges Remi’s famous creation. However, Steven Spielberg in a late night pèhone conversation with the Studio Exec EXCLUSIVELY revealed that Tintin was being saved for later:

When I was making Jaws, the first time I was showing the rushes to people all they could say is where is the shark, where is the shark. Of course, as everyone knows that was due to the technical difficulties that we had operating the thing, but the effect on the film was enormous and taught me a lesson to this day. Always keep the audience waiting for the star. And so it with our intrepid reporter.

The Adventures of Tintin and the Bridge of Spies will be released in October.