DR NO 2 GREEN LIT

HOLLYWOOD – James Bond film Dr No to finally get a sequel.

James Bond fans are finally going to see what happens next to their favorite secret agent 007 in a new sequel planned for the 1963 film Dr No. The original film starred Sean Connery as the suave British spy, pitted against Joseph Weisman’s eponymous villain. Fans of the movie reacted to the news with delight.

James Bond fan club president Elspeth McGiver spoke to the Studio Exec:

A dream come true. Dr No was such an exciting action film, with everything you could want. It seemed ludicrous that they never made a second movie. Especially when far worse characters seem to get long running series these days. Jason Bourne and Jack Reacher, urgh!

The new movie features a story about Dr No returning from the dead mutated by the radiation from the nuclear bomb he was using to ransom the world. Ursula Andress, Wiseman and Connery are all on board and Brett Ratner is understood to be directing.

Dr. No will be released in 2018.

DISNEY BUY CHRISTOPHER PLUMMER

HOLLYWOOD – In a deal worth $78 billion, media giants Disney have just bought Canadian actor Christopher Plummer.

Following the purchase of Star Wars, Marvel, Pixar and now Fox, the Disney Company have just announced a $78 billion dollar deal to buy Sound of Music star Christopher Plummer. Media Analyst Dunque Screens told the Studio Exec:

This is a great deal for Disney. It looks like a lot of money but what Disney are getting is not just Mr. Plummer’s extensive back catalogue and his film work and TV work, they’re also getting the rights to whoever Mr. Plummer replaces in the next few years. And looking at the pace of the scandals currently sweeping Hollywood and the entertainment industry generally that could mean extensive acquisitions.

However, critics of the deal point to this widespread application of Christopher Plummer as a problem. Marquis Martinique underlined this danger:

When Disney got Marvel, they got Iron Man, Avengers and all those properties. With Star Wars, they get the films, but also the characters and the universe. And with Fox they get the Simpsons and the X-Men. Now, with Plummer, they get Kevin Spacey, Bryan Singer, Brett Ratner, Def Jam records, Matt Lauer, the documentaries of Morgan Sporlock and the entire back catalogue of Woody Allen and Roman Polanski as well as the Cosby Show.

The Monopolies and Mergers Commission will inspect the sale closely.

Image courtesy of @thePixelFactor. Follow him on twitter here.

CASEY AFFLECK TO STAR AS HARVEY WEINSTEIN IN BRETT RATNER MOVIE

HOLLYWOOD – In a bold move, Casey Affleck stars as Harvey Weinstein in Brett Ratner’s new biopic.

A new movie based on the life of Harvey Weinstein will star Casey Affleck. Rush Hour director Brett Ratner had this to say:

We want the film to be as realistic as possible. This is an American tragedy and we need to get to the heart of it. 

Based on a script by Woody Allen and Roman Polanski in their first ever collaboration, the films also stars Mel Gibson and Michael Fassbender. Louis CK is in talks to play Bob Weinstein, Harvey’s brother. Ratner continues:

This is a story that needs telling right. We need to tell it from the inside. I got Bill Cosby to go over a draft of the script for me.

But don’t you think we need the perspective of the women who have spoken out?

Who like?

Asia Argento, Rose McGowan, Angelina Jolie, Ashley Judd, Gwyneth Paltrow? There are about thirty and counting I think. 

We have got a woman’s perspective in there though.

Who?

Lindsay Lohan.

Harvey will be released in 2018.

HUGH HEFFNER TO PLAY JARED LETO IN NEW FILM

HOLLYWOOD – Hugh Heffner is to star as Jared Leto in a new biopic.

Rush Hour director Brett Ratner will direct the planned project about the Fight Club actor Jared Leto. He’s reportedly had his sights set on a biopic of Leto since 2007. The film is now in early development at Ratner’s production company.

“Hef is an old friend,” Ratner said. “When he heard I got the rights to Leto’s story, he told me, ‘I want to play him. I want to understand him.’ And I really believe Hef can do it. He’s one of the great actors of today… My goal is to do the motion picture as an event.”

Hef’s casting has been in the works for a while – back in April, Ratner invited Hef to the Leto Mansion for the premiere of Amazon’s docuseries His Band Sucks: The Jared Leto Story. Ratner hoped to introduce Leto to Hefner that evening, knowing that he would play him in the film, but due to Leto’s irritating arrogance it wasn’t possible.

“There’s enough footage on Jared out there that Hef will be able to get as much information as he wants,” Ratner said.

Leto will be released in 2019.

KEN LOACH TO DIRECT SEX AND THE CITY 3

NEW YORK – Ken Loach will direct Sex and the City 3.

Ken Loach takes over from Brett Ratner who producers had deemed ‘overly intellectual’. The English director interrupted a world tour of boycotting film festivals that don’t endorse the immediate abolition of Israel, in order to start working on Sex and the City 3 straight away.

‘I used to watch the TV series religiously,’ said old Land and Freedom. ‘By which I mean on Sundays.’

The Raining Stones director continued:

I believe that in its original format it represented one of the most incisive indictments of free market capitalism and the vacuous deficiencies of consumerism. Carrie and Samantha represent the proletariat in a state of extreme false consciousness. Truly gripping.

Sarah Jessica Parker said that she had been having long discussion with Kenny for years. ‘He’d phone and we’d bitch about cellulite and joke about oral sex. Believe me he’s a perfect fit.’

Many friends of the director see this as a personal triumph. The director, who is in his seventies, suffers from Ponderous Disease, a condition which causes the patient’s fingers to get stuck to his/her chin. 

The news comes as hopes for the film were collapsing. Sarah Jessica Parker, Kim Cattrall and Cynthia Nixon will return as will Chris North. 

Sex and the City 3: the Collapse of Capitalism will be released in 2019.

MILEY CYRUS TO PLAY ANNE FRANK

HOLLYWOOD – Miley Cyrus is to play Jewish teenager Anne Frank in new Brett Ratner biopic She’s in the Attic.

VMAs host and Bangerz star Miley Cyrus has signed on to play Jewish teenager and diary writer Anne Frank in a new film to be directed by the man who brought us Rush Hour and Rush Hour 2. The film, provisionally entitled She’s in the Attic, is set to begin shooting next month and is based on the diaries of the young Jewish girl Anne Frank (Miley Cyrus) who hid from the Nazis with her family before finally being captured and sent to the Bergen-Belsen Concentration Camp where she tragically died.

‘I didn’t know who she was at first,’ said the former Hannah Montana. ‘Until I heard that she was a Belieber and then I thought, wow, how ahead of her time. I mean really. This girl I have to find out about. I read a lot about her and if you think about it she’s like an early Kardashian. You know how intimately we feel we know her if you like.’

Brett Ratner said that his project was absolutely sensitive to the issues surrounding the tragic life of the young girl:

This is a gonna be tasteful. We are artists paying homage to a young girl and the songs are totally justified in the context of the story. This is like Schindler’s List meets High School Musical. And Glee. Classy. Right?

It’s going to be a musical?

Yes absolutely. We are hoping to incorporate some of Miley’s songs into the film, although we’ll obviously modify the lyrics a little bit. Instead of ‘You hit me like a wrecking ball’, which doesn’t make much sense given the context, Miley will sing ‘I keep staring at this f*cking wall’. And of course ‘Best of Both Worlds’ will be changed to the ‘Worst of All Worlds’.

How are you going to deal with the differences in age?

I don’t foresee that being a problem. We’re getting the same guy who did Brad Pitt in the Curious Case of Benjamin Button to come in and kind of shrink Miley down. It’ll be fine.

Jewish groups and the Anne Frank Foundation have reacted with anger and disgust at the proposed film treatment. ‘First Justin Bieber and then this,’ said an exasperated Per Jankins. ‘This is getting too much.’

She’s in the Attic opens in the Fall of 2016.

 

BRETT RATNER TO DIRECT TWIN PEAKS

HOLLYWOOD – No sooner had David Lynch tweeted he would not be directing the Showtime revival of Twin Peaks than his replacement, Rush Hour 2 director Brett Ratner, was immediately announced by the proud network.

The planning for the new Twin Peaks show is already in place with the scripts finished and casting almost complete, but protracted negotiations over budgeting saw an unhappy David Lynch leave the process, tweeting his farewell. Initial reaction was overwhelmingly negative with fans expressing widespread dismay, but that turned to joy when news leaked that Brett Ratner – director of Tower Heist and Hercules – would be stepping in.

Speaking EXCLUSIVELY with the Studio Exec, Ratner stated:

I have always been a huge fan of Twin Peaks. I have an encyclopedic knowledge of the show. When I was a kid I would dream of the show and I’d write stories about my favorite characters, especially J.R. and Sue Ellen.

What do you think you will do differently from the original?

The important thing is to bring out a balance between respecting what made the original series great, mainly the adultery, and what modern audiences want to see now: Ben Stiller and Kung Fu based comedies with motor mouth black comedians. I’m committed to getting rid of the off-beat element of the show – I mean all that Bobby coming back in the shower bit for instance didn’t work for me – in order to get to the core emotions of the characters.

Will Agent Cooper still play a prominent role?

My agent’s name is Carl. Uhm and yeah.

What about the rumors that Miley Cyrus has been cast?

Come on. We want to leave some surprises intact.

Well at least we can be sure of some damned fine coffee.

I don’t know what you’re talking about.

For more Twin Peaks News CLICK HERE.

EMINEM TO PLAY JULIEN BLANC IN PICK UP

HOLLYWOOD – Eminem will appear in his first lead movie role since Eight Mile, playing the controversial pick up artist Julien Blanc in Pick Up.

The hip hop rapper AKA Marshall Mathers has been cast following a lengthy day- long process.

Director Brett Ratner told the Studio Exec EXCLUSIVELY:

We were looking for a star with real charisma and a fairly despicable attitude to women. Mel Gibson is too old and Ray Rice and Chris Brown are too black, but Eminem with his lyrics about punching women in the face is just about right.

The rising star of the pick up community Julien Blanc has courted controversy with his tips on how to sexually assault, exploit and manipulate women and pictures of him grabbing girls by the throat. Protests by women’s groups have seen him chased out of Australia and, most recently, banned from the UK.

Eminem spoke out about what appealed to him about the role:

Julien Blanc is a lone voice in the wilderness, harking back to a nobler time when you could punch a woman in the face and the only question that you would be asked would be ‘why didn’t you punch her in the face twice?’ But nowadays with Political Correctness Gone Mad even brutally assaulting women is considered beyond the pale and men, real men, homophobes and the like, are increasingly treated as second class citizens.

The film will chart the rise of Julien Blanc through the Pick Up Artist community, a rebel who models his style on Tom Cruise in Magnolia and gives rooms full of angry, lonely, socially inept, pathetic, cringe-worthy men advice on how to talk to girls which they scribble down on their Action  Pads. Ratner continues:

Julien is the Wolf of Wall Street for sexually backward men. Despite the criticisms, his work is actually socially very positive.  He takes men who in fact have a deep fear of women and turns them into obnoxious and vaguely criminal assholes. I for one have benefited greatly from his courses.

Pick Up will be released in 2015.

MARK ZUCKERBERG ANNOUNCES DAVID FINCHER BIOPIC


SAN FRANSCICO – Mark Zuckerberg – the creator of Facebook and the billionaire subject of The Social Network – is to write, direct and produce a motion picture of his own based on the life of David Fincher entitled The Director of the Social Network.

We met Mark in a small café. He wore a casual set of PJs with a bathrobe thrown loosely around his shoulders and a pair of Louis Vuitton flip flops on his feet. He sits down unobtrusively, making room on a nearby seat for his pillow pet, Ralph.

So Mark, a film about the life of David Fincher. Tell us more.

Yeah, well. The fact of the matter is I saw The Social Network and I thought, yeah… You know. Like. But then as time went round I thought maybe unfriend. Maybe. And then I thought what if I did what he did but did it about him. So that’s how I thought of The Director of The Social Network.

Who is going to play Fincher?

I wanted to at first. Me. I thought Mark Zuckerberg: actor, director, producer, billionaire, big game hunter. But then I thought wait a minute. Phew. Wait. Wait. And I called Jesse Eisenberg and he said ‘yeah okay’ and that was it. I didn’t think it’d be so easy. So I had my Fincher.

What’s the story?

At first I was going to do a film about the whole of his career. The Madonna videos and Return of the Jedi and Alien 3, but then I thought, nah. He didn’t do the bit where I get my first bicycle. So I’m going to concentrate on him directing The Social Network. And he’s gonna be arguing with Brett Ratner (Armie Hammer) who claims that he directed The Social Network and David Fincher is gonna say ‘If you could’ve directed The Social Network, you would have directed The Social Network, Brett’. And Bret is just gonna eat shrimp and shut up.

Are you friends with David Fincher?

That’s the end of the film. Fincher asks for my friendship. He’s looking really sad and needy. Like a lonely nerd head and you know do I give him my friendship. Well, you’ll have to see the film.

The Director of the Social Network starts filming next month.

BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN REMAKE WILL BE HETEROSEXUAL

HOLLYWOOD – A new remake of the Oscar winning Ang Lee film Brokeback Mountain will be entirely heterosexual, said director Brett Ratner today.

Continue reading “BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN REMAKE WILL BE HETEROSEXUAL”

JERRY BRUCKHEIMER RE-IMAGINES THE MONA LISA

 PARIS – Standing gaping at the enigmatic smile of Leonardo da Vinci’s Mona lisa in the Louvre; movie producer Jerry Bruckheimer was distinctly overheard planning a drastic re-imagining of the renaissance masterpiece.

21 year old Canadian backpacker Matt Walker was first on the scene to capture the blue sky thinking of the Hollywood hit machine as he brazenly discussed radical new directions for the silent 16th Century visage. Walker’s tumblr blog reports:

It was such a thrill to be there to witness the master in action, the way he works a concept, his effortless phone networking with creatives in far flung locations all over the world… awesome! just awesome! 

In a spoiler filled post, Walker fully discloses all the possible plot details of the project, highlights include:

  • Bruckheimer is insisting on full 3D IMAX treatment for a fully immersive experience.
  • A scenery cameo for Johnny Depp’s Captain Jack Sparrow, just over her left shoulder, creeping up and whispering ‘shhh’ to the viewer.
  • A high concept chase involving one of Da Vinci’s un-produced ‘Bat-Copter’ sketches.
  • A subplot about a troubled love affair with the Jesus Christ from Da Vinci’s Last Supper to be explored in a prequel painting.
  • The addition of a mechanical ‘Space Squid’.
Bruckheimer has since confirmed that the project is indeed being fast tracked and that he has already commissioned a few concept easels from Brett Ratner and a rough plot outline from Lost and Prometheus scribe Damon Lindelof
 
UPDATE: Bruckheimer has entered the sculpture section and is now brainstorming with the security guards about a Twilight style teen fantasy about a girl who falls for a statue of Roman Emperor Nero. McG is set to direct.

12 YEARS A SLAVE REBOOT MOOTED

HOLLYWOOD – Steve McQueen’s award winning slave drama 12 Years a Slave is to be remade by Tower Heist director Brett Ratner

The Rush Hour 2 director said: 

12 Years is long, long overdue a remake. Basically there’s a whole younger generation of fans out there who’ve not seen this material. And even the old die hard geeks are going to love what we’re thinking of doing with the Solomon Northup universe.  

Despite early rumors to the contrary, actors Chiwetel Ejiofor and Michael Fassbender will not be returning to play their roles. The Red Dragon – as he prefers to be called – continued:

We’re going with some fresh faces and youth in it. I’ve been talking to Hayden Christensen about the role and he’s intrigued even though he still thinks I’m joking. And I’m still after Andrew Garfield, though I know he’s reluctant to sign on, because of the similarities to his Spider-Man role. The tone of our version is going to be a lot lighter. I think if there’s one criticism one can make of the original (and I love it for it’s old timeyness), it’s that it does tend to concentrate on the less fun aspects of slavery.  

 But there weren’t any fun aspects to slavery?

Well, exactly. That’s what you think now. But wait until you see our version.

 And when will we see it?

I’m currently finishing the post-production on my Three Colors: Blue remake [for more on that project Click Here], starring Cameron Diaz. But that will be locked over the next weeks and then production on 12 Years will begin in May.

Brett Ratner’s 12 Amazing Years a Slave will be released in 2015.

 

DAVID CRONENBERG’S GUIDE TO GREAT DIRECTORS

David Cronenberg



MONTREAL – Hi! David Cronenberg here. He of The Fly fame and Videodrome and more recently A Dangerous Method. Yeah, I know. Sorry about that. 
People often ask me – aside from you – who are the really great directors? To which my answer is always the same: ‘Aside from me?’
Ha ha!
No but seriously … Here is my Guide to the Great Directors:


Frank Coraci: Now Frank’s a great guy, he wears good hats, his facial hair is neat and he knows how to shoot a genre film unlike that fat asshole Stanley Kubrick.  You want a good payback on your initial investment and not too much of the thinking stuff Frank’s your guy. For the uninitiated start with Around the World in 80 Days and then move up to the darker material Here Comes the Boom which was shamefully robbed of Oscar glory. 

Paul Thomas Anderson: Now I know what you’re thinking. The Master was complete nut sack! Yes, it was, but you’re actually making a mistake. That was Paul W.S. Anderson. PTA – as he’s known to his closest buddies – is the genius behind the Alien Vs Predator. A combo which proved better than the originals, both of which were rubbish. 

Brett Ratner: People say what was the best trilogy ever made? Perhaps Krystof Kielowski’s Three Colors Trilogy; perhaps The Godfather or even the original Star Wars. NO NO NO NO NO!!! The Rush Hour trilogy towers above all those films like Tower Heist. A Fellini-esque romp through the buddy genre starring Jackie Chan and Chris Tucker. Now there’s talent and fun!

Dennis Dugan: If there is one director who can challenge the behemoth that is Frank Coraci for sheer talent, it has to be the master of comedy Dennis Dugan. Just to watch him working on the set of Happy Gilmore or Big Daddy was enough to convince me I was in the presence of genius.  The way he said ‘Yes, Adam whatever you say’ was masterful. Students of film should start with Grown Ups and only later move on to Grown Ups 2

BRETT RATNER REBOOTS THREE COLORS TRILOGY

HOLLYWOOD – Brett Ratner announced plans to remake Krzysztof Kieslowski’s prestigious Three Colors Trilogy. The Rush Hour 2 director said he loved the originals and wanted his versions to be thought of as a homage to the genius of the Polish director’s vision.

But whilst admiring the complex themes and often striking cinematography Ratner always thought ‘there was too much reading involved’ so his version is going to be in American. Kieslowski’s triptych of films was based on the colors of the French flag (blue, white and red) and each story was loosely based on Liberty, Equality and Fraternity: the motto of post-revolutionary France. Ratner has already declared that he will reverse the order to red, white and blue, because ‘you know, our flag, red, white and blue thing.’ The original trilogy also features outstanding performances from the actresses Juliet Binoche, Julie Delpy and Irene Jacob.

‘Casting is everything,’ Mr. Ratner said. ‘We have Julia Roberts, Lindsay Lohan and Megan Fox already on  board.’

The first of the trilogy, Three Colors: Red, will be directed by Brett Ratner, whereas Three Colors: White and Three: Colors Blue will be given to guest director while Brett Ratner takes on an executive producing role.

Brett Ratner’s Three Colors: Red will be released in 2015.