BRET EASTON ELLIS PENS YEEZUS SCRIPT

HOLLYWOOD – After the unwiped orifice that was The Canyons, many believed that Bret Easton Ellis would cry off involvement in an art form he so obviously doesn’t understand, but alas no.

He has happily agreed to turn Kanye West‘s Yeezus album into a movie and has according to reports already finished a draft. 

The American Psycho (as he prefers to be known) had this to say:

I didn’t want to do anything after The Canyons. It was just such a pile of utterly unredeemable asswipery, but then the 27 year old said ‘You have to get back on the horse’. I was stunned. Wow. He just thinks these things up and says them. So I said, ‘What do I do?’ And he had an album playing and he said ‘I don’t know: this?’ So I said okay. 

What was Kanye West’s reaction?

I went up to his house and when I met him I said ‘It’s an honor to finally meet you, Mr. Kardashian.’ He didn’t like that one bit. But once I’d cleaned up and the mace had worn off we had a really good conversation. And we agreed I could write a draft.  

It’s been a long time since we’ve had a film based on an album.

Right, and I love those films. Tommy, Pink Floyd: The Wall

Will Kanye West’s Yeezus be that good?

Oh! [laughs hysterically] That’s hardly likely. I’m writing the script. Didn’t I make that clear? 

Kanye West’s Yeezus will be released in 2018. 

THE TRUTH BEHIND THE JLS SPLIT

TheStudio Exec has been informed by an anonymous source who wishes to remain anonymous that the members of everyone’s 11thfavorite boy band JLS have decided to split after one of the group was caught in a compromising situation in his dressing room with a giraffe.

The anonymous source who wishes to remain anonymous said:

We don’t know how he smuggled the giraffe in. We knew he loved the animal. He had giraffe posters on his wall, giraffe t-shirts and a giraffe duvet but when the boys entered his dressing room after the show and saw him on the step ladders doing what he was doing to that poor animal, it was obvious the band could no longer continue.

The giraffe in question was said to be a little shaken by the experience but is rumored to have signed a million dollar deal with the New York Times to tell his side of the story. ‘My client has suffered. He is still suffering,’ said the giraffe’s agent Rick Romanov

The money he’ll receive will not give him back his innocence, but it will buy a hell of a lot of twigs and leaves.

Romanov was asked by a reporter if the rumors were true that Bret Easton Ellis had been hired to write a screenplay about the incident after the author tweeted ‘Working on the JLS/Giraffe script and trying not to masturbate over my own filthy prose’. 

‘I can confirm that we have filed a restraining order against Mr Easton Ellis who was pestering us night and day,’ said Romanov. He continued: 

There is currently a screenplay in the works and it will be written by Damon Lindelof. The Giraffe is a big fan of Prometheus and believes that Mr Lindelof is the only man who can do this story justice.

BRET EASTON ELLIS OFFERS TO SCRIPT STAR WARS 7

HOLLYWOOD – Bret Easton Ellis has offered to script the new Disney produced Star Wars project due to be directed by J.J. Abrams.

His offer was proffered via a series of tweets which has now become a traditional way for the American Psycho author to try and muscle in on a high profile project.