HOLLYWOOD -Today NASA announced that they’ve discovered evidence of Brendan Fraser on Mars.

NASA probe Devious has brought back images that appear to show The Mummy star Brendan Fraser on the Martian surface. The actor best known for the Mummy films as well as Gods and Monsters and George of the Jungle was thought to only exist on the planet Earth but an ambitious NASA project sought to find evidence of the actor in other parts of the solar system. Project leader Tim Elton told the Studio Exec EXCLUSIVELY:

We had a feeling Brendan would be found on Mars but we didn’t dare to hope. Devious was designed to detect Vincent Gallo originally, but a public outcry raised at the prospect of success meant that we had to recalibrate.

Although it is unclear how Brendan Fraser got to Mars, whether he travelled there or evolved independently, the best theory is that Brendan Fraser might have gone there for pies.

The Rock is currently doing all the scripts Brendan Fraser would have been doing.


HOLLYWOOD – The amount of nonsense written about Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson – star of such films as The Scorpion King, Journey 2 and Fast and Furious 6 – is frankly irritating.

So let the Studio Exec inject the steroids of truth into the flaccid muscle of weak falsehood that surrounds the abs of wonder.

  1. Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson got his famous nickname – the Rock – because of his love of the  1996 Michael Bay action picture The Rock starring Sean Connery and with Nicholas Cage. Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson is a massive devotee of the film, literally building his identity around it and has seen it twice.
  2. Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson did not start out as a professional actor. No. He started his career translating epic Swedish poetry from the middle ages, including a translation of The Chronicle of Duke Erik (Erikskronsikan) which was deemed revolutionary in Swedish medieval epic poetry translation circles. Coincidentally the Rock in Swedish is ‘berget’!
  3. Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson is famous in Hollywood for stealing sequels from Brendan Fraser. Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson has hated Brendan Fraser ever since Brendan Fraser in the Swedish Medieval Literature Review (1998) referred to Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson’s translation of The Chronicle of Duke Erik as ‘merely adequate’. Johnson has stolen The Mummy franchise and the Journey franchise from Fraser, and appeared in Fast and Furious 6 under the mistaken impression that Vin Diesel was Brendan Fraser’s young brother.  
  4. Gibraltar is also occasionally known as The Rock, but Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson and Gibraltar are unrelated. 
  5. To prepare for his role in GI Joe: Retaliation, Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson took to sleeping in a cardboard box with a perspex lid, a perfect mock up of the boxes that the toys which serve as the inspiration for this latest art house feature come in. Tilda Swinton has copied this idea for her recent activity at MOMA.