LARS VON TRIER: ‘ALCOHOL TASTES GOOD’

HOLLYWOOD – Lars Von Trier admitted today that after a year on the wagon, he has begun drinking again because ‘it tastes good and it makes me feel squiffy’.

Speaking EXCLUSIVELY to the Studio Exec, the Danish director of Nymphomaniac, Melancholia and Breaking the Waves Lars Von Trier said:

I tried not to drink for a year, attended AA meetings and the like, but beer tastes really nice and if I have a couple of pints of the stuff, I don’t know what it is but my face feels warm and I have this sense of pleasant well-being.

But what about the drawbacks to alcohol dependency?

I don’t know about dependency. I mean there might be some drawbacks. I do tend to act a bit silly if I have a bottle of wine. And I have occasionally done the odd interview a little worse for wear and then I wake up in the morning and see the newspaper and BANG! I think ‘Oh my God! What have I done?’

Is that what was responsible for…?

The Hitler comments at Cannes. Yes. You see I’d just had a snakebite with Kirsten Dunst and I was feeling loosey-goosey. But those bloody French are so serious. They were all Nazi this and Nazi that. I didn’t realize it would be so controversial. After all Mel Gibson was appearing at the same festival so I thought they like Nazis. After that I swore never to do interviews again.

But you’re doing one now.

Am I? You’re not a journalist. You’re my best friend. Yes you are. I… I…. I love you.

I can’t breath. Please release me from this affectionate headlock and stop rubbing my head with your knuckles.

No.

Lars Von Trier’s next film 1000 Bottles of Beer on the Wall will be released in 2016.

HBO PRODUCE: TOMMY LEE JONES’ LAUGH IN

HOLLYWOOD – Veteran actor and famous curmudgeon Tommy Lee Jones will star in, write and produce a series of thirty minute comedy programmes for HBO to be screened this September: Tommy Lee Jones’ Laugh In.

‘I want to bring a little sunshine into people’s lives,’ said the In the Valley of Elah star. ‘There’ll be me and a bunch of old buddies and we’re gonna horse around and crack wise. I suppose it’ll be funny. If not, what the heck! We’re gonna die eventually. Me sooner than you like as not.’

The No Country for Old Men star continued:

Michael Shannon’s comedy punch

People think I’m ornery. But I really am not. I just have the kind of face, when it relaxes, it looks melancholy. I have a real talent for comedy. If you watch Men in Black … actually that isn’t a great example. Well, look, once I was over at my mother’s house, this was 1978. And the whole family were sitting out on the porch passing the time in stoic – some might say hostility laced – silence when suddenly a little kitten was crossing the road just as the milk truck barrelled round the corner. It ran over the kitten, squashing it flat. ‘That’s Mrs Heels cat,’ says I. ‘I’ll take it over,’ says my brother. ‘If she ain’t in,’ says I. ‘You can just put her through the mail slot.’ The hollering and whooping could be heard way over in the next county.

Tommy Lee Jones will be joined by hapless comedy sidekick Michael ‘Laugh or I’ll Cave Your Face In’ Shannon – ‘he’s always getting into oafish scrapes’ – and Emily Watson from Breaking the Waves, who will have her own section entitled The Relentless Brutality of Life: ‘A series of monologues about Dachau and the like.’

Tommy Lee Jones’ Laugh In screens on the 21st of September, 2013.