BREAKFAST WITH ASSHOLES 20: WILL AND JADEN SMITH

 MOSCOW – We meet in Russia of all places where Will and Jaden Smith are promoting their new film Another Earth, a (gulp) M. Night Shyamalan eco- Science Fiction Oblivion style thing.

Cornflakes, hot milk, grapefruit juice and half digested Stephen Hawking.

Apparently you believe life can be understood through patterns.


Will:
 I am a student of patterns. At heart, I’m a physicist. I actually have a white coat I sometimes wear. With pencils in the breast pocket. I look at everything in my life as trying to find the single equation, the theory of everything. 
Is there a single theory to everything?
Jaden: D’uh! There’s definitely a theory to everything.
Will:
 You tell him son. When you find things that are tried and true for millennia, you can bet that it’s going to happen tomorrow.
Jaden:
 The sun coming up?
Will:
 The sun coming up, that’ll work. But even a little more. Like for Best Actor Oscars. Same thing, right? Often someone will get an Oscar for like a film and if they don’t do a film then they won’t get an Oscar. Patterns!
Do you see patterns too, Jaden?
Jaden: I think there is that special equation for everything, but I don’t think our mathematics have evolved enough for us to even—I think there’s, like, a whole new mathematics that we’d have to learn to get that equation. We need another symbol which would look like a fried egg being hung from a mountain. 
Will:
 I agree with all of that. Damn you’re smart.
Jaden:
 It’s beyond mathematical. It’s, like, multidimensional mathematical, pscho-matical. If you can sort of (?) understand what I’m saying.
Are both of you religious?
Will: No, we are students of world religion. Like there’s Jesus and Buddha and Mohammed and we like combine all of them. Like Jebumed Chrisha. You dig?
You and Jaden have acted in two movies together, including After Earth. Are you planning on a third?
Will: If you were a student of the ‘pattern’, you’d have to say we’re going to do another one.
Jaden:
 I definitely would do another one, absolutely. You know, how Ingmar Bergman and Max Von Sydow used to always do films together, Martin Scorsese and Robert de Niro? We’ll have a relationship like that, though I’m not sure if those guys were related.
Do you think of that as a separate relationship from your father-son relationship?
Jaden: It’s kind of like father and son, except that we’re going to work together. [Points to his dad.] Like you worked in your family business with your dad. I’m just working in my family business with my dad. Patterns, BOOM.

Jaden, how does it feel to be famous?
Jaden: I think it’s fun, except when people make up stuff about you like those assholes over at Studio Exec. Then it’s not so much fun. But besides that, I enjoy it.
 

BREAKFAST WITH ASSHOLES: 19. GWYNETH PALTROW

A glass of sand and a corner of damp cotton, served lukewarm. 

I meet Iron Man 3 star and cookie cookbook writer Gwyneth Paltrow at her London home. She answers the door with a cardboard box on her head. ‘Get it?’ she giggles at my no doubt baffled expression. ‘I’m in Seven! Ha ha ha!’


I laugh warmly and , some might say, too loudly.

We settled down in the back kitchen with the beautiful London rain light falling through the tall French windows and turning everything a beautiful shade of posthumous. She offers me a delicious bowl of damp cotton and a glass of freshly squeezed sand.

So Gwyneth tell me about Iron Man 3? Was it fun working with Robert Downey Jr.?

To tell you the truth, I really don’t want to answer any questions about my private life and how I’ve suffered, not exactly like Jesus Christ nailed to a cross, or little children blinded in Bhopal, or starving in the Sudan, but, you know, close.

Right. So Iron Man 3. When can we expect a stand alone Pepper Potts movie? 

I made it very clear to Shane [Black] that I didn’t want to just be tied up and rescued on this one. I wanted to be a protagonist. A strong female role model. And he said okay. How about we tie you up and have you be rescued in your underwear? It was at that point I knew I was in safe hands. As for the stand alone movie it’s the first I heard about it [was when I read your wonderful article in the fabulous Studio Exec]. (CLICK HERE for that story.)

You’ve come in for quite a bit of criticism…

Let me stop you right there. I know exactly what you are going to say. My diets are not crazy and my children, Kiwi Fruit and Elijah Bumpkins, are perfectly normal.  

I was going to say for not being a very good actress.

Oh … well, that’s fair I suppose. Can I top you up there?

Gwyneth’s husbands

I move to put my hand over the glass but Gwyneth has already refilled it with white sand. ‘I insist on white sand and not yellow sand because of Elijah’s allergies,’ she tells me. ‘People criticize me for being too strict but my children – like all children – still eat the occasional bowl of gold flake caviar.’

And so what’s next?

I’m in a new film about Pablo Picasso. And I’m probably going to have another cook book out soon. Oh, and I’m still married to Coldplay.

To Chris Martin from Coldplay?

Yeah he’s one of them. And there’s a small film I did about sex addiction also coming out. Thanks for Sharing is the title I think.

When I say good bye to Gwyneth, I feel like I’ve learned a lot about this complex and intelligent woman, but I did wish she had taken that box off and I couldn’t shake the impression  that her voice had been very manly.

For all the Breakfasts CLICK HERE.