SCRIPT LEAK: THE PASSION OF THE CHRIST 2

HOLLYWOOD – Braveheart screenwriter Randall Wallace has scripted The Passion of the Christ 2.

Mel Gibson and writer Randall Wallace are working on a sequel to The Passion of the Christ that will tell the story of the resurrection of Jesus and the Studio Exec have just received a leaked early draft.

EXT. GARDEN OF GETHSEMANE. DAY.

The Virgin Mary, Mary Magdalene and several other women approach Jesus’ tomb. It is empty and they are amazed.

  MARY

Where’s Jesus’ body? His funeral vestments are here but there is no sign of him.

They look wistfully to the distance.

INT. THE TEMPLE. DAY.

The main synagogue of Jerusalem is in uproar. Jesus is fighting the pharisees and high priests.

PHARISEE

Jesus, we’re sorry. We really thought you were just a crank!

JESUS

You assholes sold me out. Now you pay.

He throws the priest into the tabernacle. 

INT. PILATE’S PALACE. DAY.

Pilate is having breakfast when Jesus bursts in killing two centurions with one spear throw.

PILATE
It’s the King of the Jews!

JESUS

Jews? F*ck those guys! I’m king of the Christians, bitch!

Jesus drowns Pilate in the same bowl of water that he used to wash his hands.

EXT. HILL ABOVE JERUSALEM. DAY.

Judas hangs from a tree, but Jesus with a look of compassion takes him down. He places a hand over his face and mutters a silent prayer. Judas’ eyes flutter as he comes back to life.

JUDAS

Jesus, my Lord. You brought me back to life!? You truly are the Son of God. Please forgive me.

JESUS
I always taught you to turn the other cheek.

JUDAS

Yes, Master.

JESUS

Then turn this cheek asshole!

Jesus punches Judas’ head clean off.

THE END

For more script leaks CLICK HERE.

 

BRAVEHEART LANDS IN SCOTLAND AHEAD OF VOTE

GLASGOW – William Wallace – symbol of Scottish Nationalism and resistance to the perfidious English – has arrived in Scotland ahead of the vote in a referendum which might mark a historic move to independence from the United Kingdom.

Speaking EXCLUSIVELY to the Studio Exec, the wode daubed fighter said:

I didnae believe I would see it in my lifetime but it is really going to happen. We’re going to get rid of the damned pasty faced English and finally stop living on our knees.  On the 18th of September, the Scottish people will be asked to decide on a simple question, should Scotland be an independent country? Now on the 18th of September you can run and live. Yes. And when you are old and in your bed, would you not trade all your days to come back to this place as a young man and tell your enemies to their faces, you can take our lives but you’ll never take OUR FREEDOM!

So you’re part of the Yes camp?

Absolutely. Those bastards bled us dry, both the country and me literally.

Yeah about that. The last time you tried for independence weren’t you… erm…

Eviscerated, yes.

Didn’t that hurt?

It stung a bit aye. But you know it’ll take a bit more than evisceration to stop me.

But then they chopped…

Yeah my head off yeah. They chopped off all my limbs actually. Hung, drawn and quartered is the technical term for it.

Bloody hell.

Aye, but it wasn’t that bad. I mean it was only the English doing it and so it’s not going to kill you, is it? Not really.

The vote for Scottish independence takes place on the 18th of September.

 

SCRIPT LEAK: BRAVEHEART 2

Ext: Ben Nevis


It’s snowing hard. A climber in mask and goggles is walking up the mountain. He reaches the summit, removes a map from his pocket and studies it. He puts the map away, walks over to a pile of stones and begins digging next to them. After a short dig the climber uncovers the entrance to a cave and scrambles inside. We see steps down to a tunnel lined by flaming torches. The climber follows the path until he come to a large dark room. He uncovers his arm and presses a series of buttons on a device on his wrist. Suddenly the room is lit up with spotlights and reveals Mel Gibson hung on the wall frozen in Carbonite. The climber steps forward and pulls off his goggles and mask.

                                                               Nick Fury

Wallace!


Int: Avengers HQ Medical


William Wallace is laid on a bed unconscious, A nurse is taking his blood pressure when he suddenly makes up and grabs her:

WALLACE

FREEDOM!

Wallace struggles with the nurse until a doctor injects him in the neck with a sedative. He calms down and Nick Fury appears at the end of his bed.
                                                               Nick Fury

How are we feeling Mr Wallace?

Wallace

I feel like I’ve drank twenty pints of whisky though my arsehole. Where am I?

Nick Fury

You’re in the future Mr Wallace. You’ve been frozen for 800 years but I found you and thawed you out.

Wallace

What happened to Scotland. Did we drive out the English Bastards?

Nick Fury

No, but nobody gives a damn about that any more, We have a more pressing issue which is why brought you here.  A Norse God called Loki has resurrected Edward Longshanks and turned him into a 100 ft tall fire breathing monster that is currently laying waste to New York City, Our researchers seem to think you are the only man who can stop him.

Wallace

Och. I don’t suppose you’ve got some spare undies have you? I’ve just soiled these ones.

Nick Fury

I thought Scotsman didn’t wear anything under their kilts.

Wallace

Aye that’s a good point, In that case I’m going to need fresh sheets and a bottle of Glenfinnich. And bring me my bloody sword. I’ve got a wee beastie to slay.


FIN 

MEL GIBSON’S AUTOBIOGRAPHY EXTRACTS (PART TWO)

HOLLYWOOD – Advance copies arrived of Mel Gibson’s new autobiography Sad and Angry and Studio Exec was given EXCLUSIVE permission to publish extracts. 

From Chapter Eight: Lethal Weapon:

I knew right from the beginning we had a winner on our hands with Martin Riggs. He was a character I could play. Depressed, vulnerable and a hair cut only an Australian could pull off.  I remember the first read through with Dickie Donner and Danny Glover. I tell them I like the beginning when the white cop and the black cop don’t get on very well, but after that… I don’t know. Dickie says something about narrative arcs and Danny just looks pissed off. 

From Chapter Thirteen: I free Scotland from the Tyranny of the British:

I’ve always felt for the plight of the Scottish ever since I spoke with Sean Connery about it in his island retreat in the Caribbean. Sean is an eloquent advocate for the independence of Scotland and many’s the evening we would sit in his beautiful beach front villa as Sean waxed poetical on the beauties of Scotland and the history. My other Scottish pal Randy Wallace from Texas showed me a script he had written about William Wallace. It was perfect, but I had one question. ‘Is there anyway I could fuck the queen?’ Randy smiled. ‘That’s exactly what was missing,’ he said.  

From Chapter Eighteen: Making ‘What Women Want‘:

When you’re making a film it’s always fantastic to see how a project develops and evolves sometimes for the best, other times less so. What Women Want is an example of the latter. Oliver Stone originally approached me with a script that Andrew ‘Diceman’ Clay had written. I say written, there were a lot of crayon drawings and exclamation marks, but you get the gist. That aside, it was the best thing I’d ever read. Not only funny but true. We were all set up to shoot and then Ollie decided he was going to do Any Given Sunday and my co-star Helen Hunt suggested Nancy Myers. As soon as she came on board everything changed. Clay’s script was thrown out, the premise was distorted and even the title changed. Now it was no longer called Women are a Bunch of Stupid Idiots. I know. But the original genius of Clay and Stone’s vision will have to be consigned to the ‘what could have been…’ bin.

For Part One CLICK HERE.