HOLLYWOOD – Universal have announced that the next Bourne film will be directed by Paul Greengrass and star Matt Damon and will be titled The Bourne Remuneration.

The news comes as a surprise as a follow up to Tony Gilroy’s The Bourne Legacy, starring Jeremy Renner had already been announced and even calendared. The Hurt Locker actor today told journalists that he was ‘devastated’, saying:

When I and Tony were making The Bourne Supremacy there was all this bad feeling going around but I thought we’d got over that and made a really good film. I know it wasn’t exciting, or interesting and it really didn’t make much sense all told, nor was it commercially as big a hit as we hoped, but I was in it and so that bit was good.

Paul Greengrass said that The Bourne Remuneration will follow on from The Bourne Supremacy’ as if nothing had ever happened’.

That other film is now going to be reissued in a special collector’s edition, re-titled as The Bourne Irrelevancy. Ha ha ha ha ha ha.

Can you tell us something about the story?

Yes. The Bourne Identity introduced us to Jason Bourne and the whole black op program known as Blackstone. The Bourne Ultimatum and The Bourne Supremacy carried that story on to its natural conclusion. The Bourne Remuneration sees Jason Bourne returning to his ordinary life and settling into a bureaucratic job and raising a family. Matt is very keen to add something about fracking but I’m not sure I’m that interested in the subject. Anyway, Bourne still sometimes uses his skills as a super agent to do things like find a parking space or work out what is the quickest line at the supermarket, but that’s about it. Then two government agents who have gone rogue – Tony Pilfroy and Jeremy Rimmer – decide that they have to kill him because they want to be better than him. Pilfroy doesn’t even know how to direct a movie, I mean be a spy, but he still tries to compete with Bourne. Poor Rimmer is just his patsy.

Wow. That sounds a little like…

No it has nothing to do with that. But I’m really excited because I wrote the movie instead of letting some Gilroy like character at it. This means that it’ll be original and interesting.

So what happens?

Rimmer and Pilfroy try and kill Bourne but only succeed in knocking him out. When he comes too, he has completely lost his memory. So he just begins The Bourne Identity again as if nothing had ever happened. It’s a bit like Groundhog Day but with guns and stabbing people with pens.

The Bourne Remuneration will be released in 2016.


HOLLYWOOD – Following on from the ‘success’ of The Bourne Legacy starring Jeremy Renner, director and screenwriter Tony Gilroy has released details of his follow up film in the Bourne franchise The Bourne Irrelevancy.

Jeremy Renner returns as Someone Else (AKA not Bourne or Aaron Cross), the running and jumping super hero who consistently gets out of confusing and complicated if not intricate and ultimately bewildering (did I already say confusing) situations, via running very fast indeed, and punching with his fists. Renner said that he was thrilled to cash the check. “I bought a boat,” he laughed, pointing to a picture of a boat he carries around with him in his wallet.

Gilroy stated today: “A lot of people bitched and moaned about Bourne not really being in the last one and so we put it in the title as kind of a fuck you.”

Would you ever bring Matt Damon back into the role?

“Sure,” says Gilroy, gnashing. “I’m ready to let bygones be bygones and show there’s no bad blood. If that no talent asshole wants to come back, I would open him with welcome arms.”

The Bourne Irrelevancy will reveal that not only is there another secret black ops agency under the secret black ops agency, but there’s nothing but black ops secret agencies all the way up to the President and down to the guy who empties the bins at McDonalds.

The Bourne Irrelevancy is due to be released in 2015.