OWEN WILSON TO UNPURSE LIPS IN 2015

HOLLYWOOD – Actor and comic genius Owen Wilson is undergoing surgery that will permanently unpurse his lips by 2015.

Doctor Andrew Cardaydigan spokes EXCLUSIVELY to the Studio Exec:

This is usually a very simple procedure, but Mr. Wilson unfortunately has been pursing his lips permanently ever since Bottle Rocket, Wes Anderson debut film from 1996. Since then his whole career has consisted of pursing his lips, although he did take a brief hiatus for Behind Enemy Lines, but no one actually saw that.

Is the procedure dangerous?

It shouldn’t be normally. No. But with Wilson, you see, all the muscles around his mouth, his jaw, even as far down to the muscles along his flank and groin, are braced to create this amazing expression like someone is about to sip a strong lemony drink through a straw. And those muscles because of this activity have become atrophied. There is a danger that his whole head could make a wet sucking noise and disappear into the chest so that only a shock of that lovable dirty straw mop top would be visible from what would be – admittedly – a gory neck hole.

F*ck!

Absolutely. But on the bright side, nothing can be as disgusting or abhorrent as Marley and Me.

Point taken.

Owen Wilson will next appear in True Detective Season 2 next to old pal Vince Vaughn. For more on that story click here. 

WES ANDERSON FILM TO BE GIVEN SPECIAL Q RATING



NEW YORK – Wes Anderson will be the first film maker to receive a special Q rating from the MPAA. The new rating will be given to any film deemed to have an excessive a mount of Quirk. MPAA chairman Jimmy Shanks Mann said, ‘There are the films that look and sound like comedies but all you end up doing is smiling wryly to yourself until your face hurts and you feel slightly nauseous because of the film maker’s sense of smug self-satisfaction.’
The new certificate was first proposed after Moonrise Kingdom quirked all over screens earlier this year.
Apparently, Anderson co-scenarist and gopher Roman Coppola had made cuts to avoid A Glimpse Inside the Mind of Charles Swan III receiving the first certificate of its kind but only by the skin of his teeth. Shanks Mann said that in the case of Anderson there were no numbers of cuts that would allow Anderson’s next film The Grand Budapest Hotel to escape the certificate.
‘That asshole’s had it coming for a long time,’ Shanks Mann said.
Bill Murray – who has played himself in all of Anderson’s films except Bottle Rocket – said, ‘Knowing Wes he’ll wear it like a badge of pride. And when I say badge I mean he’ll have his god-dam brother make a badge and he’ll actually wear it.’

The Grand Budapest Hotel will be released in 2014.

WES ANDERSON FILM TO BE GIVEN SPECIAL Q RATING



NEW YORK – Wes Anderson will be the first film maker to receive a special Q rating from the MPAA. The new rating will be given to any film deemed to have an excessive a mount of Quirk. MPAA chairman Jimmy Shanks Mann said, ‘There are the films that look and sound like comedies but all you end up doing is smiling wryly to yourself until your face hurts and you feel slightly nauseous because of the film maker’s sense of smug self-satisfaction.’
The new certificate was first proposed after Moonrise Kingdom quirked all over screens earlier this year.
Apparently, Anderson co-scenarist and gopher Roman Coppola had made cuts to avoid A Glimpse Inside the Mind of Charles Swan III receiving the first certificate of its kind but only by the skin of his teeth. Shanks Mann said that in the case of Anderson there were no numbers of cuts that would allow Anderson’s next film The Grand Budapest Hotel to escape the certificate.
‘That asshole’s had it coming for a long time,’ Shanks Mann said.
Bill Murray – who has played himself in all of Anderson’s films except Bottle Rocket – said, ‘Knowing Wes he’ll wear it like a badge of pride. And when I say badge I mean he’ll have his god-dam brother make a badge and he’ll actually wear it.’

The Grand Budapest Hotel will be released in 2014.