QUEEN RESIGNS FOLLOWING BREXIT

LONDON – The monarch of the Uited Kingdom Queen Elizabeth II has resigned following the Brexit vote.

The Queen’s resignation – or abdication as she prefers to call it – came in the wake of what has been a shocking ten days following the referendum vote that saw a slim majority opt to leave the European Union.

Prime Minister David Cameron, Boris Johnson, Nigel Farage of UKIP and Chris Evans of Top Gear have all stepped down from their positions of power, citing incapacity, unpopularity, cowardliness or stupidity for their various reasons. Buckingham Palace issued a short statement to the BBC with the news of the departure of the aging monarch:

The Queen has decided to step down following the vote to leave the European Union. She feels that Britain is no longer the place for her family (who are German) or her husband (who is Greek). They will be enjoying their retirement in Spain, alongside the one million British citizens who also reside there.

The comedy Brexit continues next week.

GAME OF THRONES WRITERS FLOWN TO UK TO REWRITE REFERENDUM

LONDON – The team that brought you Game of Thrones are being flown into Great Britain in an attempt to rewrite the EU referendum as the country slides into chaos.

Game of Thrones showrunners David Benioff and D.B. Weiss are flying to the UK by the British Government in a last ditch effort to rewrite the last five days of UK storyline. David Cameron announced the decision this morning, having watched the last episode of Season 6 of Game of Thrones.

I got the idea after having watched the episode and thinking how good it was to see Jon Snow alive again. In fact, the boys have done a magnificent job of putting their heroes in some terrible predicaments and then at the last minute getting them out of their scrapes. I don’t know what they will suggest: it could be a red wedding or the birth of dragons, but frankly anything is better than letting the Tory Hordor, Boris Johnson loose.

The move was welcomed by many in the country who have come to regret their voting to leave the EU and many in Europe have called on Brussels to slow the process while it is seen what the Game of Thrones writers come up with. Leader of UKIP Nigel Farage said that the move was without precedent and unpatriotic. He, however, did say that he would support a move to get George RR Martin involved:

He would come up with a plot where all your favorite people are killed and as I’m not anyone’s favorite, I think I’d be pretty safe.

However, it was revealed that George RR Martin was already in London writing the script for the Labour Party.

More news as it comes in.

RIOT CLUB BASED ON SCHOOL DAYS OF BRITISH PRIME MINISTER

LONDON – David Cameron – the British Prime Minister – is the subject of a new film called The Riot Club, which shows a university club of rich Brits smashing up restaurants ‘for a lark’.

Based on the West End play Posh, the film – directed by An Education director, Lone Sherfig – tells the story of the young David Cameron (Prime Minister), Boris Johnson (Mayor of London) and George Osborne (Chancellor of the Exchequer) and the nights of fun they had at Oxford University where they belonged to the Bullingdon Club. As members, Cameron and chums regularly smashed up restaurants, kicked children and performed ritual swan murders which were then investigated by the famed Inspector Morse.

Today the Bullingdon Club is alive and well. In order to enter, initiates need to burn a fifty pound note in front of a beggar and destroy the dreams of an adolescent.

Responding to questions in Parliament about the film, Mr. Cameron said he had nothing to be ashamed of:

As a matter of fact, I wish I had killed more swans, because I hate the purity they represent almost as much as I hate people who have to work for a living. They are, I honestly believe, scum.

The Riot Club is on general release.