GOD TELLS MARK WAHLBERG HE WILL NOT BE FORGIVEN

HOLLYWOOD – Mark Wahlberg asked God to forgive him for his role in Boogie Nights, but didn’t get the response he expected.

The Hollywood Reporter reports that: “Mark Wahlberg says he hopes God will forgive him for his turn as a porn star in the 1997 filmBoogie Nights. Wahlberg told the Chicago Tribune ahead of an event with Chicago Cardinal Blase Cupich on Friday that he hopes “that God is a movie fan and also forgiving” because he says he’s made “some poor choices” in the past. Wahlberg listed Boogie Nights when asked if he’s prayed for forgiveness for any of his movies.”

Boogie Nights follows the career of Dirk Diggler (Wahlberg) through the porn industry in the seventies and eighties. Paul Thomas Anderson directed and many consider the film a high point in Wahlberg’s career.

God speaking EXCLUSIVELY to the Studio Exec gave a prompt response:

Boogie Nights is the best thing Wahlberg ever did. Not only do I forgive him for it, I think it was great. I cannot say the same of the Planet of the Apes remake. I’m I afraid he’s going to Hell for a very long time. And by a long time, I mean forever.

What about The Happening?

Oh my Son! I’d forgotten about that.

You’re God. How can you have forgotten about The Happening?

It’s one of the benefits of omnipotence. And still it took all my strength.

Pain and Gain 2 is out in 2019.

MARK WAHLBERG ‘BEST ACTOR IN THE WORLD’ ACCORDING TO MONEY

HOLLYWOOD – Mark Wahlberg is the best actor in the world, according to Money.

Markie Mark Wahlberg is the best actor in the world, says Money. Speaking EXCLUSIVELY to the Studio Exec, Money tried to justify its assertion.

It’s very simple. Mark Wahlberg earned $68 million in pre-tax income this year. That makes him the best actor in Hollywood at the moment for Money. Though the Rock came close. Money likes the Rock.

But whoever went to see a Mark Wahlberg movie? Does a Mark Wahlberg movie even exist?

Well, there’s Ted 2. That’s a Mark Wahlberg movie.

In that it’s shit.

Well, yeah. But Money don’t care. Money likes Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen. Money says it’s my favorite film. Mark plays an inventor and throws a football. He drinks beer with the brand clearly visible. Money goes ‘Ahhhhhh!’

But The Happening?

Money doesn’t care. Pain and Gain, The Gambler remake, Ted, Deepwater Horizon, Money likes all of these. Mark plays golf with Donald Trump and Money smiles: happy, happy.

I just don’t get it. He was okay in Boogie Nights. And I really liked him in … Boogie Nights. But he’s just so… He’s such a… He’s just not very good. I mean, Max Payne?

Money.

Mark Wahlberg’s next film will also be crap.