DAVID LYNCH CHUCKIE EGG MOVIE GREENLIT

Breaking News – Hot on the tails of the Super Mario Bros movie announcement, it has been confirmed that a David Lynch Chuckie Egg movie is in development. The David Lynch Chuckie Egg movie will be based on the smash hit 80s computer game of the same name. The Exec caught up with Lynch to discuss his new project.

[Cough] David, do you have to smoke in here during the interview?

Yes.

… Ok then. Can You Tell Us What Drew You To Such A Different Kind Of Project?

Well, it’s like this. People know me for making films that don’t necessarily have linear narratives, bourgeois constructs or easy to follow plots, if any. I’m an artist that seeks constant reinvention and stimulus. Therefore I was very stimulated when Paramount drove a truck full of money up to my home and told me to look at their script for Chuckie Egg: The Movie. I thought to myself, ‘David, it’s time for reinvention. Oh, and a new swimming pool. Ya can’t forget the swimming pool.’

So This Isn’t Going To Be A Subversive Take On The Computer Game Movie Genre?

Fuck, no! As I said, I have reinvented myself. I’m gonna be the darling of the studios. You think Ron Howard is a safe, 7/10 kinda director? You aint seen nothing yet. I’m gonna direct this shit by the numbers. I’ve already been on to McDonalds about a Chuckie Egg McMuffin tie in. This will be the blandest movie I ever made.

Is It Live Action Or CGI?

It’s whatever the fuck the producers tell me it’s gonna be. We haven’t had the initial feedback data from the focus groups yet, so we really can’t say at this stage. But I guarantee you this, Mr Chuckie will have his eggs and eat them.

Had You Ever Heard Of Chuckie Egg Before You Read The Script?

Script? Have you seen the script? If you do, then please forward me a copy. I’ve heard it’s great. But to answer your question, no. I never played video games in the 80s. I was too busy making Dune, Blue Velvet and Twin Peaks. What were you doing?

David Lynch’s Chuckie Egg: The Movie Starts Filming In December

DENIS VILLENEUVE TO REMAKE BLUE VELVET

HOLLYWOOD – Showbiz golden balls, Denis Villeneuve is to remake Blue Velvet.

Former Formula 1 racing driver, Denis Villeneuve will remake Blue Velvet right after Dune is released, according to a leaked memo.

In a leaked memo from his production office, ex racing driver, turned mega-successful movie director, Villeneuve lays out his plans for the future:

“Once Dune has been released I will embark on remaking Blue Velvet. I have cast Timothee Chamalamalamalamet as Jeffrey, the Kyle MacLachlan role. Zendaya will play Sandy, originally played by Laura Dern, Rebecca Ferguson will play Dorothy, originally played by Isabella Rossellini, Nic Cage will play oxygen mask wearing Frank and Kyle McLachlan will cameo as Ben, the part originally played by Dean Stockwell.
I’m going to make it more of a straight action thriller, none of that atmospheric bullshit. I’ve done more than enough of the artsy-fartsy crap to last me a lifetime. I’m gonna make the movies I want from now on.


As soon as we’ve banged that out – it should take me about 3 months from 1st draft to wrapping on the shoot, we’re moving swiftly on. Because I’m gonna remake Wild At Heart. Timothee Chamalamaleee as Sailor, Zendaya will play Lula and Willem Dafoe will still play Billy. Because, let’s face it, nobody does looney tunes as well as he does. But none of that surreal shit. It’ll be a fun road movie, like Planes, Trains and Automobiles. We’ll use Little Mix rather than some long haired Metal band, we’ll make a fortune.

Then, as soon as I’ve done that – should take me about 3 months from 1st draft to wrapping on the shoot, we move on. Bacause I’m gonna remake The Straight Story. Timothee Chamalamadingdong will play Alvin the old man, we’ll put him in a grey wig. Therefore, no one’ll know the difference. But we’re not having any of that gentle drama crap. We’re going full on Smokey And The Bandit. Cissy Spacek will play Big Enus and Rebecca Ferguson will play Little Enus. Nick Nolte will be The Snowman and Daniel Craig will Buford T Justice. I’m a fucking genius.”

Dune is due in theatres October 2021.

ANA DE ARMAS TO STAR IN BLUE VELVET TV SERIES

HOLLYWOOD – Ana De Armas to star in Blue Velvet tv limited series for HBO.

Ana de Armas will play the doomed nightclub singer Dorothy Valens in a new HBO show based on David Lynch‘s 1986 movie Blue Velvet. The ten episode show will start earlier than the film, showing the build up, but it will also follow the events of the celebrated movie.

Showrunner Eli Roth spoke EXCLUSIVELY to the Studio Exec:

Firstly, I have to say how much I love David Lynch’s original. We’re not going to try and do a carbon copy because what’s the point? Plus, I think times have changed and this timeless story can be updated. It can speak to new generations, who might go back to the original.

How are you going to change it?

We’re getting rid of all that weird stuff. I don’t get it. The bird on the fence and the camera going into the undergrowth. What was that all about? Get rid of all of that. And add a bit more sexy stuff and a ton more gore. That’s what the kids want and more importantly, that’s what I want.

Ana de Armas expressed her joy and wonder at being given the role made famous by Isabella Rossellini:

She is a real complicated portrait of a damaged woman and a femme fatale. I’m also really  looking forward to getting an opportunity to sing. Every episode we’re going to have a nightclub scene and I’ll sing classics from the 50s like Borderline, Papa Don’t Preach and Who’s That Girl?

The roles of Frank and Jeffrey will be announced later. When approached for comment, David Lynch said: ‘Are you f*cking kidding me?’

Blue Velvet will hit HBO soon.

FREE CUT OUT AND KEEP DAVID LYNCH-O-METER

HOLLYWOOD – Wild at Heart but a bit of an Eraserhead? You need our free giveaway cut out and keep David Lynch-O-Meter!

‘Yes, I am making Twin Peaks!’ – ‘No, I’m not making Twin Peaks!’ – ‘Then again maybe I am making Twin Peaks, or Dune Messiah!’ For months it has been almost impossible to get The Straight Story from arch weirdo David Lynch, but don’t get Blue (Velvet). Here at the Studio Exec (with the help of master craftsman @ThePixelFactor) we have produced an EXCLUSIVE David Lynch-O-Meter to help predict the actions of the Lost Highway himself before he (Mulholland) Drives us all crazy.

Spin the wheel and find out what David Lynch is going to do today. Whether it is directing or not directing season three of Tin Peaks for Showtime, or perhaps putting the dental in Transcendental Meditation, this helpful implement will be fun for all the family from toddlers to Grandpa!

And did I mention it was FREE!

For more Twin Peaks News CLICK HERE.

Image courtesy of @ThePixelFactor.

KYLE MACLACHLAN STILL UNDECIDED ON TWIN PEAKS

HOLLYWOOD – Actor Kyle MacLachlan – made famous by his portrayal of Agent Dale Cooper in Twin Peaks – is still undecided on whether or not he will return to the show.

‘The  thing is I’m just not sure I can fit it in,’ the Blue Velvet actor told Studio Exec this morning.

I have Paul Verhoeven phoning every day asking me if I’ll reprise my role as Zack Carey in Showgirls 2. Oliver Stone has been harassing me to play Ray Manzarek in his follow up to The Doors, After Jim. And the Flintstones franchise looks like it’s still going  to happen and I’d love to play Clifford Vandercave once more. It’s a role that I didn’t really perfect and the opportunity to take another swing at it would be great.

But surely the opportunity to work once more with David Lynch…

Who?

David Lynch.

Oh yes. David and I worked together a few times in the past. Dune was my first break and Blue Velvet was a lot of fun. I’m never sure why we didn’t do a sequel to that. Or The Hidden. That was nasty in a good way.

But I think all your fans really want to see you as Dale Cooper?

Who?

Dale Cooper. They want you to say Damned Fine Coffee. And wax poetic about the pie. 

Really? They don’t want Clifford Vandercave or Zack Carey?

Well, now you mention it. It would be cool to see Zack Carey again.

You see? It’s a toughie!

Showgirls 2 will be released in 2016.

DAVID LYNCH OPENS A DRIVING SCHOOL

HOLLYWOOD – Times have been hard for David Lynch, director of The Elephant Man, Dune and Blue Velvet.

He lost all his money in the great Transcendental Meditation scam of 2006 and was even reduced to directing a concert movie for eighties revival band Duran Duran, but luckily hope is on the way and the Lynchster (as he prefers to be known) is bouncing back in his own inimtable Eraserhead-ish way by opening a Driving School in Scotland.

The Mulholland Drive Driving School opened for business earlier this week in the city of Glasgow in Scotland, which is north of Great Britain in England. 

When we spoke to Mr. Lynch, he seemed cheerfully keen on his new venture:

I got the idea from watching Breaking Bad. He gets a car wash. And I get a driving school. Of course, I don’t have a meth lab yet, but that’s only a matter of time. 

Customers seemed to be bemused by their unconventional instructor. Tam Holloway (19) said: 

We were practicing my emergency stop and all I can say is I’ve never been so unnerved and unsettled while at the same time effective. 

Sally McParland (21) said:

He asked me if I wanted to go for a ride and I said ‘That’s why I was here’. And he said, ‘why are you here?’ And I said to go for a ride and he said ‘A ride! What a great idea! Let’s hit the effing road!’

Nancy Barstow (41) said: 

He’s very patient. I’m an adult learner and so I get nervous but he’s very relaxed and then somehow when we were doing parallel parking he dipped into my inner most nightmares. Which was nice.

David Lynch’s Mulholland Drive Driving School is open for business Mondays to Saturdays.

KEVIN COSTNER’S WORLD OF FENCES

HOLLYWOOD – Hey everybody, my name’s Kevin Costner, star of such films as Waterworld, Robin Hood Prince of Thieves and Open Range.

But what you might not know about me is that I’m also a certified fence expert and have been collecting fences since 1981 and I’m proud to have this opportunity to introduce the uninitiated to the wonderful and surprisingly exciting world of fences. 



Here you can see the first fence I acquired. I got it from Provence which is situated in France. It’s a ramshackle and rustic little fella and probably none too efficient at keeping your livestock separate, but I think you’ll agree, he’s mighty charming.  

This example now is what you might – if you’re looking for a

handle – call a maximum security fence. It ain’t pretty I’ll grant you that, but it will do the job when it comes to keep felons in or intruders out. Note the razor wire, a common feature.

Finally, this is one of my favorite fences. Gifted to me by the film director and top flight fence expert David Lynch. David used this fence in the opening scenes of his wonderful romantic comedy Blue Velvet, a film I’m ashamed to say I’ve yet to see. It’s always on so darned late. David has a collection of sixty three fences, a collection rivaled only by his dear friend Billy Crystal.