NOT MAKING FILMS: A DIARY BY STEVEN SODERBERGH: 1.

HOLLYWOOD – Having already conquered Hollywood via Sex, Lies and Videotape and Ocean’s 13, Steven Soderbergh decided to give making films a rest and concentrate on enjoying the simple things in life.

Studio Exec has got exclusive access to his diaries, – provisionally entitled Not Making Films by Steven Soderbergh – and which give an intimate window into the life of one of cinema’s most beguiling talents.

May

Just back from Cannes. Went well. Michael said something funny about licking … well, it was funny at the time. Now, I’m back. Won’t be doing that again. But nice. You know. The French are funny. Some of them can be quite rude, but the food and wine… ooh la la! Said goodbye to a lot of chums. Film-making friends. Is it really the end? they asked. Uhm, yes, I said. I think.

June

Aren’t policemen getting younger? Or is that just me? Possibly it’s me getting older. Daytime TV is really dull. Just cookery shows and these horrible chat shows where everyone shouts at everyone else. Dreadful. Regret deciding to write that novel on Twitter. 140 characters a chapter. Stupid idea. I didn’t even know what Twitter was when I started.

July

Phoned George and asked if he wanted to come around. he said he couldn’t and that he was busy but he would say what. Watched The View. Went to the Mall and it wasn’t until I got there that I realized I didn’t need anything. Got some passport photos done. The lighting was over-lit like early Blake Edwards and that gave me… I decide to call on George and there he is going through a script with Matt Damon. They’re prepping for The Monuments Men. How my little boys have grown! They don’t need Poppa.

Not Making Films by Steven Soderbergh will continue next week.

THE BURT REYNOLDS DIARIES: 4

HOLLYWOOD – The Studio Exec has laid his grubby hands on the unpublished dairies of actor and heterosexual mustache wearer Burt Reynolds and we are going to publish and be damned.

March, 1984 

Blake Edwards comes over with a script called The Kansas City Laugh-a-thon, a bootleg comedy, he says. Would I be interested? I ask the question I always ask, mustache or no mustache? Definitely mustache, says Blake. okay, I say. But we’re going to have to change that title. 

April, 1984

Blake is over at the house again. I have a day of Cannonball Run 2 and Dom DeLuise has come over to hang out. The script is now called The Kansas City Hooo Haaaa. I’m still not sure about it. Who’s the second lead? I asked. Dom sat upright so quick he pulled a muscle. Roger Moore, says Blake. Dom practically whizzed around the room like a let go party balloon.

September, 1984

Filming begins on what we’re now calling Kansas City Heat Giggle Machine. Blake is a very hands on director, by which I mean he keeps touching me. He let me decide on a co-star and I picked my old pal Clint Eastwood. He can’t do comedy to save his life so I think I’ll be okay. Looking forward to filming the bar fight today. 

October, 1984 

Blake had to go. It was the titles. They were getting embarrassing. Clint stepped in and got Robert Benjamin hired. He also changed the titles. And he broke my jaw when he me in the face with a bar stool during the very first scene. I’ve been eating through a straw and I’ve lost of ton of weight. Everyone thinks I’ve got Aids. 

December, 1984

City Heat looks like it’s going to be a flop. What could possibly have gone wrong? We had a great story, me, Clint Eastwood, a good title. Luckily, the Cannonball Run 2 will pay the bills. Maybe was could do a trilogy!