RON PERLMAN GROWLS YES TO TOM WAITS BIOPIC

HOLLYWOOD – Ron Perlman has confirmed he will play Tom Waits in the long awaited David Lynch biopic of the singer/songwriter Raindog Trombone.

The Hellboy actor Ron Perlman said that he’s looked up to Tom Waits as a hero. And the opportunity to work with Lynch was ‘something every actor dreams of.’

Based on Barney Hoskins’ biography The Low Side of the Road, the script kicked around development hell for sometime, with various directors from Walter Salles to Martin Scorsese attached.

Lynch came on-board only after the subject of the biopic made the request himself in a beautifully written letter which read:

Dear David,

My name’s Tom Waits. I kinda hope you heard of me, heh heh. Yeah, ahem, I know, I know. You must get letters of this kind all the time, but let me be clear, I ain’t gonna grouse or grovel, gravel and chickens and an ol’ 45 as a plate outside the window fills with rain… They’re tryin’ to get a movie made, of crows breaking black against a low November sky. And I’d sure appreciate it, that is, if’n you’d put your hands to the helm and try and get this rickety ol’ ship of a project off of the blunt rocks. Before the scarecrows attack with their penknives and tattoos of weeping clowns. I’ll pay you five gallons of petrol and a valentine nailed to the forehead of the last lawyer you loved.

Yours in a nightmare’s gown,

T. Waits


And David Lynch’s reply read:

Dear Tom,
Cut the bullshit and tell me how much I’m going to get paid.
Best Wishes
David 

Raindog Trombones is due to start filming at three o’clock tomorrow morning.

JESSE EISENBERG IS LEONARD COHEN IN NEW BIOPIC

MONTREAL – Jonathan Demme‘s pet project Young Lenny – a portrait of Canadian happy clapper and merry pop picker Leonard Cohen – has finally ‘found its man’ in Zombieland and The Social Network star, Jesse Eisenberg.

“He’s perfect,” said Demme, director of such hits as Stop Making Sense and Silence of the Lambs. “He has that melancholy and the face, and, boy, you should hear him sing!”.

For his part, Eisenberg seemed stoked when he spoke exclusively to the Studio Exec:

I’ve loved Leonard’s work since I heard ‘When I Need You’. What a beautiful song. [Begins to sing] When I need you, I reach out my hand…

But that isn’t Leonard Cohen.

It isn’t?

That’s Leo Sayer.

Yeah. Right Leo Sayer. Whatever. But what I mean is the thing I love about Leonard is that he can be balladic and touching, or upbeat and happy.

Really?

Sure. [Starts singing again] You make me feel like dancing, I wanna dance the night away, you make me feel like…

That’s Leo Sayer again.

It is? Jesus Christ. Really? Okay what about ‘More Than I Can Say’?

Leo Sayer.

Well, what did Leonard god-damned Cohen do?

‘Hallelujah’, ‘Suzanne’, ‘Bird on a Wire’, ‘Chelsea Hotel’… 

Yak! Those are all miserable songs. Urgh. Oh no. No, no, no, no, no. I can’t… I mean…

But you signed on to do a film and you didn’t know who the singer was?

Let’s not jump to conclusions here.  I’m going to call Jonathan and see if we can’t iron this out.

Young Leo will start filming this Summer.  

CAMERON DIAZ IS PAULA DEEN IN ‘TURN THEM OVER, THEY’RE DONE’

Laughing
like drains











ALBANY – Food Network‘s celebrity chef, award winning television host, and world renowned racist Paula Deen is to be played by Cameron Diaz in an almost instantly misjudged comedy Turn Them Over, They’re Done, to be directed by Frank Coraci

Coraci whimpered to The Studio Exec (exclusively):

We’re going to take a very difficult moment in a person’s life, a really delicate subject and what looks to be the ruination of a long career, and play it for laughs.

But isn’t that…?

F*ck you, Studio Exec. 

One of the finest comediennes of our glittering firmament, we asked Cameron Diaz if she worried her reputation might be damaged by portraying a signed up member of the Kooking Kookies Klan (or something like that).  

“What reputation?” she said, laughing like a drain, the sun glinting off stuff.

Turn Them Over, They’re Done will air on TMC next Fall.