KIT HARINGTON SIGNS ON FOR HUMAN SACRIFICE LIVE

HOLLYWOOD – Former Game of Thrones contestant Kit Harington is to star in Human Sacrifice Live to be broadcast during the Summer Solstice on Fox.

Live TV events have been the new discovery with first the Grease Live musical getting critical acclaim and solid ratings and then Tyler Perry’s faith-based extravanganza The Passion saw a huge neon cross tastefully dragged through New Orleans. The latest in the trend is another offer from Fox, which will be broadcast live throughout the Summer Solstice and will involve the first televised Human Sacrifice.

Kit Harington spoke EXCLUSIVELY with the Studio Exec:

I’ve been wanting to do something live for a while, that’s what really drew me to the project. Lars Von Trier is producing it and there will musical numbers as well written by Billy Joel.

Of We Didn’t Start the Fire fame?

You nailed it.

What will the event consist of?

First I will be prepared, bathed in oils and ritually clensed. Then we’ll have a moment where I say Goodybe to my loved ones and friends. This is going to be very moving and they’ll give little interviews as well so the audience can get involved and give them advice and consolation. Then the Wicker Man will be built. It’s going to be huge, but I’m happy to say we’re only going to use wood from sustainable sources. This is going to be the first environmentally friendly human sacrifice in the history of humanity!

And then they immolate you?

No, first I have to sing my solo number ‘An Innocent Man’ then they burn me alive.

Aren’t you scared?

Well, the chorus is a bit outside of my range but I’ve been doing some vocal training so I think I should be okay.

No I mean of being publicly burnt to death in a huge wicker effigy?

I was in Pompeii. I know everything there is to know about dying in public.

Human Sacrifice with Kit Harington will be broadcast June, 2016.

Image courtesy of @ThePixelFactor.

5 FACTS YOU NEVER KNEW ABOUT JOHN TRAVOLTA

HOLLYWOOD – John Travolta is one of the most popular stars of all time but what do we really know about him?

I’ve got FACTS they’re multiplying! And I’m losing control:

1. It’s hard to choose a stand out role in this fine actor’s long career: Tony Manero, Danny Zuko, Vincent Vega, Chili Palmer, Battlefield Earth dude or Robert Shapiro. However, John Travolta considers Broken Arrow his masterpiece. ‘I don’t know what it is about that movie,’ he said. ‘Everything seemed to go right. John Woo was a great director, Christian Slater was such a fresh young talent and I got to say the line, ” Would you please not shoot at the thermonuclear weapon?” which is the kind of line every actor dreams of saying.’

2. Not only can John Travolta can fly an airplane, he can do it with no hands. And when the plane takes off, he always likes ‘to pop a wheelie’ before soaring into the wide blue yonder.

3. When filming Grease it soon became apparent that John Travolta’s singing voice wasn’t strong enough. And so Billy Joel overdubbed all the songs and much of the speaking parts.

4. To research American Crime: The People v O.J. Simpson, John Travolta spent hours watching television and wearing clothes. The television program he watched was Friends because he wanted to feel close to Ross Kardashian.

5. Although there are many people who criticise Mr. Travolta’s adherence to the Church of Scientology, as a humorous website we applaud it and hope that it long may continue.

For more FACTS on everything from this to that click HERE! 

DONALD TRUMP MAKES AMERICA GREAT AGAIN

NEW YORK – Donald Trump has already gone some way to fulfilling his promise to make America great again, having bought Gerry Beckley and Dewey Bunnell new guitars.

The front-runner for the Republican nomination and former reality star Donald Trump today announced that he had already begun to make 1970s rock group America great again, thus beginning to fulfill a central campaign promise. He came over to Exec Tower to tell us what was going on:

We’ve bought them new guitars. They’re beautiful guitars. I’ve talked to my good friend Billy Joel and he along with Huey Lewis and perhaps Cyndi Lauper if she’s not on the rag are all going to write some new songs for the boys. We want America out there performing new material. Not just rotting away on the nostalgia circuit churning out the old hits ‘A Horse with no Name’ and ‘Ventura Highway’.

But when you said you were going to make America great again, you were referring to the country?

What country? America’s a continent for a start so that doesn’t make sense. And it’s a continent that includes Mexico. You think it’s my job to make Mexico – the country where rape is a Saturday afternoon sport – better again? Is that what you’re saying?

I suppose not.

I was very clear. And Now people will see that even before I’m president I’m making changes. We’ve bought the boys new guitars, I have top stylists changing their look. They can do a single with Rihanna and Kanye West, if he’s not busy looking after his compass family. America will be great again and it will all be to my credit, because as well as being a businessman of intense and articulate intelligence, I am also a rock Svengali.

Donald Trump is due to be president in 2017.

RUSSELL CROWE TO STAR IN NEW BILLY JOEL MUSICAL

NEW JERSEY – Rob Marshall is to direct a forthcoming musical rock opera featuring Russell Crowe as the legendary singer-songwriter Billy Joel.

We didn’t Start the Fire tells the story of a trio of dishonest pyromaniacs, and will feature performances from Hugh Jackman, Russell Crowe and Danny DeVito.

Crowe’s character, Billy Pole, plays piano at a joint where people ‘sit at the bar and put money in the jar and say man what are you doing here?’ but he just goes ‘lar-didi-dar-didi-dar’.

His pyro buddy Minko (played by Jackman) falls in love with Rachel Weiz’s fire chief and they duet on ‘Don’t Go Changing (to Try and Please Me)’. Meanwhile, DeVito provides comic relief as Hardy Har-Har, the insurance salesman who seeks to profit by his and his friend’s proclivities, while advising Minko to ‘Tell Her About It’ and proclaiming to police detective Ruce Stinksteen (Adrien Brody) that he is ‘An Innocent Man’.

Russell Crowe spoke EXCLUSIVELY to the Studio Exec:

It was great finally meeting Billy. He’s been a hero of mine ever since An Innocent Man. Boy that was a great album. We had him in at every stage of production. We sent him the first script and he said ‘Don’t go changing, to try and please me’, sang it actually, then we showed him the dailies and he sang it again and then at one of the first previews. At that point it was getting a little bit old.

Commenting on the film, DeVito said:

It’s f*cking awful but I need the money and my life is going to shit anyway.

We didn’t Start the Fire will be released in 2017. 

5 FACTS YOU NEVER KNEW ABOUT AMY SCHUMER

HOLLYWOOD – We all know that Amy Schumer is a talented comic and actor and BFF of Hunger Games star Jennifer Lawrence, but what else do we need to know?

The Studio Exec FACT Squad took a small Fantastic Voyage style submarine to find out what is really “Inside Amy Schumer”:

  1. Amy Schumer was born on a small island of the West African coast. Here her father performed experiments on the local animals in an attempt to make them more human. It was his actions and his grisly fate that led H.G. Wells to write “The Island of Doctor Schumer”. When Wells arrived back in his own time, the publisher insisted he change the name to “something more Frenchy”.
  2. Amy Schumer’s big break arrived on the comedy central quiz/reality show ‘Who’s Nuts?’, a contest in which comedians acting crazy are mixed with actually psychotics and a panel of experts have to try and tell the difference. Schumer’s schizophrenia finally paid off and she was on her way to the big time.
  3. Billy Joel is Amy Schumer’s grandfather and whenever Amy has a weekend free she likes to go to one of his concerts and dance on his piano, often bringing friends. This has enraged Billy Joel so much he’s written a song about it. His next single, entitled ‘I hope you break (your freakin’ neck)’.
  4. Trainwreck was inspired by an actual train wreck which took place in India and cost the lives of over fifty people. The script was originally going to be directed by Angelina Jolie Pitt but when Amy Schumer was cast it was decided to change the dialogue, the genre, the setting, the script and the story at which point Angelina Jolie Pitt left the project.
  5. Despite all the evidence to the contrary (click here), Amy Schumer and Jennifer Lawrence sercretly hate each other, but this knowledge is buried in their deepest most secret being so even they don’t know it themselves.

For more FACTS click HERE.