TOP 5 BEING SAD IN A HOTEL FILMS











The Studio Exec generally despises lists as the laziest possible journalism. But recently it occurred to me that I am lazy, Goddam it! And so we are checking into the Lazy Journalism Hotel with a list of the Top Five Being Sad in A Hotel films.   


1.     Lost in Translation: Scarlett Johansson is in a hotel in Tokyo and she is sad. Bill Murray is in a hotel in Tokyo and he is also sad. Scarlett and Bill meet up and are less sad, but then they don’t do it and that makes them more sad.

2.     Barton Fink: John Turturro check in to Hotel Earle, trying to write a screenplay for a wrestling B movie for movie mogul Jack Lipnick. He is sad and lonely. Then he meets Charlie his neighbour (John Goodman) and his hero Bill Mayhew (John Mahoney) and Audrey (Judy Davis), but his neighbour’s weird, his hero’s a bullying drunk and his girlfriend winds up dead.

Lucky, lucky, lucky
3.     The Hotel New Hampshire: The Berry family and their five children including Jodie Foster and Rob Lowe set up a hotel run by Freud in Austria and inhabited by radicals and a lesbian bear (Natasha Kinski). They keep passing those open windows, until one of them doesn’t.

4.     The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel: It isn’t supposed to be sad. They’re actually supposed to be quite happy in the end in a feel good way. But you’ll feel sad watching it. And there’s a hotel.


5.     The Shining: The Overlook Hotel is the daddy of all sad hotels. Atrocious décor, especially in Room 237 and nothing to do all day except try and murder your wife and child. 

GHOSTBUSTERS 4 GREEN LIT

HOLLYWOOD – Grab your Proton Packs because The Ghostbusters are back!

The Studio Exec can exclusively reveal that a brand new live-action Ghostbusters film will start shooting later this year and the long-awaited sequel will be released in December 2014. Ivan Reitman will once again be at the helm and the entire original cast WILL be returning, INCLUDING Bill Murray!

But, there’s a catch. The film will be Ghostbusters 4, NOT 3.

Confused? 

Dan Aykroyd explains:

We spent far too much time trying to come up with a good idea for a third film that everyone could get behind and commit to. But we just couldn’t agree on a story. Bill was in, then he was out, then he was in again, then he was out again. And frankly none of us wanted to go ahead unless everyone was fully on board. But then Ivan and I came up with a fantastic idea for a FOURTH instalment which everyone simply loved, so we’re going to go ahead and do that instead.


Ghostbusters 4 Ever will tell the story of the old team (Venkman, Stantz, Spengler and Zeddmore) planning for their retirement and taking on the challenge of training in their young, fresh-faced replacements. No official word on casting yet but Aykroyd hinted that Bradley Cooper, Liam Neeson, Quinton “Rampage” Jackson and Sharlto Copley are strong contenders for the roles. Jessica Biel is also rumoured to be playing the role of the Ghostbusters’ new young secretary and Patrick Wilson is the hot contender to play the villain.

When we pointed out to Aykroyd that this was the exact same cast as 2010’s The A-Team, he replied, “Aw, shit. Really?”

Ghostbusters 4 Ever will be in theatres December 2014.

BILL MURRAY IS DEAD: STILL A QUESTION MARK OVER GHOSTBUSTERS 3

HOLLYWOOD – Sad news out of Hollywood today, Bill Murray – famous for Stripes and Caddyshack – died at 5:04 PM on August 10th, 1992.

Director Harold Ramis, speaking on behalf of the Murray estate, made the announcement today outside of Roscoe’s Chicken and Waffles. According to Ramis, Murray died shortly after shooting ended on Groundhog Day when – after a few drinks – Murray grabbed the visiting Punxsutawney Phil, the famed groundhog and the animal viciously attacked him.

“Bill just laid there bleeding,” said Ramis, choking up. “He says to me ‘it can’t end like this, don’t let anyone know I was killed by a cuddly little animal.’ So we kept it quiet.” To continue the late actor’s career, Ramis turned to psychic and author Milton Angland, famous for his “End of the World” guest spot on The World of Psychics. Angland was able to contact the deceased actor at Ramis’s home, mainly in his bathroom.
“He used to scream at me while I was on the toilet,” Harold said.

 Capturing the actor on film was a greater challenge. The search for film stock ended up in Germany, after a tip from Sylvester Stallone’s agent. Inventor Henry Assenfurter created a nitrate parachromatic film stock. The stock is very expensive, which explains why its so hard for producers to get Bill Murray in their films. Ramis told reporters he was breaking his silence now in order to put an end to “this Ghostbusters 3 nonsense.”

The delay on the third entry to the Ghostbusters franchise has now been explained. However, although Murray’s participation now seems to be out of the question, Dan Aykroyd insisted there still was hope. “Come on, people,” said an inebriated Aykyroyd. “He’s a ghost ghost buster. It’s perfect!”

WES ANDERSON RUSHED TO HOSPITAL SUFFERING FROM QUIRK OVERDOSE

NEW YORK – Wes Anderson in possible quirk overdose.

The Royal Tenenbaums and Moonrise Kingdom director, Wes Anderson was rushed to the Cedar Pines intensive care unit on Long Island in the early hours of Sunday morning, suffering from an overdose of quirk.

Anderson had apparently been working on his new film The Grand Budapest Hotel which stars Edward Norton, Adrien Brody, Owen Wilson, Tilda Swinton, Ralph Fiennes, Jude Law, Soairse Ronan, F. Murray Abraham, Bob Balaban, Jason Schwartzman and Bill Murray, as a sadly hilarious figure.

Production Assistant Jennifer Tulls witnessed the director’s collapse:

We were filming a cross section of the hotel and in every room one of the characters is doing something unexpectedly weird and at the same time wryly amusing: someone’s painting Shetland ponies with blue stripes, Willem Dafoe is wearing a monocle and teaching Polish children the flute, someone else is making a pyramid of champagne glasses and Bill Murray is being a sadly hilarious figure. All of a sudden Wes just kind of started to vibrate.  

Bill Murray earlier today

The Syd Barrett song that was playing on the soundtrack was switched off and Mr. Anderson was briefly exposed to a newspaper, detailing growing tensions between Israel and Syria. ‘He seemed to be coming round but then Tilda Swinton leant over to ask how he was and he keeled over again,’ Ms. Tulls said.
The hospital issued a statement saying that:

Mr. Anderson is recovering from levels of quirkiness well above the maximum that the human body can tolerate. It is apparent that he has been taking a very high dosage for a sustained period of time. However, he is young and strong and should be able to make a full recovery provided he relents from people talking directly to camera, stories within stories, a mix tape soundtrack and Bill Murray playing a sadly hilarious character.

The French Dispatch out soon.

WES ANDERSON FILM TO BE GIVEN SPECIAL Q RATING



NEW YORK – Wes Anderson will be the first film maker to receive a special Q rating from the MPAA. The new rating will be given to any film deemed to have an excessive a mount of Quirk. MPAA chairman Jimmy Shanks Mann said, ‘There are the films that look and sound like comedies but all you end up doing is smiling wryly to yourself until your face hurts and you feel slightly nauseous because of the film maker’s sense of smug self-satisfaction.’
The new certificate was first proposed after Moonrise Kingdom quirked all over screens earlier this year.
Apparently, Anderson co-scenarist and gopher Roman Coppola had made cuts to avoid A Glimpse Inside the Mind of Charles Swan III receiving the first certificate of its kind but only by the skin of his teeth. Shanks Mann said that in the case of Anderson there were no numbers of cuts that would allow Anderson’s next film The Grand Budapest Hotel to escape the certificate.
‘That asshole’s had it coming for a long time,’ Shanks Mann said.
Bill Murray – who has played himself in all of Anderson’s films except Bottle Rocket – said, ‘Knowing Wes he’ll wear it like a badge of pride. And when I say badge I mean he’ll have his god-dam brother make a badge and he’ll actually wear it.’

The Grand Budapest Hotel will be released in 2014.

WES ANDERSON FILM TO BE GIVEN SPECIAL Q RATING



NEW YORK – Wes Anderson will be the first film maker to receive a special Q rating from the MPAA. The new rating will be given to any film deemed to have an excessive a mount of Quirk. MPAA chairman Jimmy Shanks Mann said, ‘There are the films that look and sound like comedies but all you end up doing is smiling wryly to yourself until your face hurts and you feel slightly nauseous because of the film maker’s sense of smug self-satisfaction.’
The new certificate was first proposed after Moonrise Kingdom quirked all over screens earlier this year.
Apparently, Anderson co-scenarist and gopher Roman Coppola had made cuts to avoid A Glimpse Inside the Mind of Charles Swan III receiving the first certificate of its kind but only by the skin of his teeth. Shanks Mann said that in the case of Anderson there were no numbers of cuts that would allow Anderson’s next film The Grand Budapest Hotel to escape the certificate.
‘That asshole’s had it coming for a long time,’ Shanks Mann said.
Bill Murray – who has played himself in all of Anderson’s films except Bottle Rocket – said, ‘Knowing Wes he’ll wear it like a badge of pride. And when I say badge I mean he’ll have his god-dam brother make a badge and he’ll actually wear it.’

The Grand Budapest Hotel will be released in 2014.

KRISTEN STEWART TO PLAY ROD STEWART












HOLLYWOOD – Twilight star Kristen Stewart has struck a deal with Paramount to star in Danny Boyle’s Rod Stewart biopic Do ya think I’m sexy?

Kristen will be one of 6 actors who will each play a facet of Rod’s character and although some are already comparing the project to Tod Hayne’s I’m Not There (2007). Boyle insists any similarities are purely coincidental.

“Any similarities are purely coincidental,” said an unconvincing Boyle.

The script, written by frequent Boyle collaborator Alex Garland is being produced by Leonardo DiCaprio’s production company Appian Way and Leo is rumoured to be making a cameo appearance as Ex-Faces and current Rolling Stone Guitarist Ronny Wood.

Boyle has gathered a smorgasbord of acting talent to play the Scottish singer. Justin Bieber, Jake Gyllenhaal, Colin Farrell and Woody Harrelson are already firmly on board and Boyle is chasing Bill Murray to complete the sextet.


Rod himself is said to have given his blessing to the project but his ex-wife Rachel Hunter is worried that his former lovers will not be cast in a flattering light.

“ I’ve heard that I’m going to be played by Karl Urban” said an outraged Hunter. “ I mean what the fuck is all that about?. Still it could be worse I suppose. I hear Eli Wallach has been cast as Britt Ekland!”


Pre-production is due to start early next year with a provisional release date of Christmas 2013.

DAN AYKROYD BREAKS DOWN OVER GHOSTBUSTERS 3

NEW YORK – The world’s most famous Canadian (after Mordechai Richler, Leonard Cohen, Margaret Attwood, William Shatner and Keanu Reeves) Dan Aykroyd broke down on the late night talk show Letterman when asked about plans for a forthcoming Ghostbusters sequel.
A bewildered Letterman watched as the thin Blues Brother burst into tears and started tearing the buttons off his shirt, ‘What’s the fucking point? Bill doesn’t want to do it, nobody wants to see it,’ Aykroyd said. ‘It will be the Blues Brothers 2000 all over again.’


Aykroyd then curled up into a ball on the famous sofa and emitted animal like wails that ‘spoke of a pain so deep as to eschew the articulation of this our broken language’ said one surprisingly erudite audience member. Akyroyd’s appearance, however, might never be seen as a cable was cut and the show had to be taped again. 

Representatives for Mr Aykroyd denied the burst of clarity had taken place, arguing that it was more likely there was some sort of mass delusion rather than Dan Aykroyd admitting that making a follow up to a film made in 1989 (Ghostbusters II the Empire Strikes Back of the trilogy) would be a waste of time and money. 

Ghostbusters 3 will be released in 2015.