WERNER HERZOG’S BEYONCE DOCUMENTARY BANNED IN POLAND

WARSAW – The new Werner Herzog documentary charting a year in the life of pop diva Beyoncé – and entitled Bouncy Beyoncé – will not be shown in the central European country of Poland, because authorities have declared it ‘non-existent’. 

Werner Herzog said that he was disappointed but not at all surprised.

The Poles have always had a certain degree of intolerance when it comes to esoteric Austrian filmmakers such as me charting the lives of pop royalty. It is not the first time I’ve run into trouble with the powers that be and I’m sure it won’t be the last. My documentary on Sheena Easton was stopped at the border in 1984 and the negatives burnt. Unfortunately they were the only copy of the film we had which means that today the film has become one of those legendary lost films.

However, Bogdan Ztrojewski – the Minister for Culture and Arts – angrily denied Herzog’s version of events. 

We have never heard of this Bounce Beyoncé ; we have never seen this Bounce Beyoncé. Personally I would be delighted to see a year in the life of Beyoncé Knowles by the talented if eccentric director of Fitzcarraldo and Rescue Dawn. However, this is not the first time that Mr. Herzog has claimed that we have suppressed a hagiographic film  about a glamorous female vocalist. In 1984 he claimed that we had burnt a film about Sheena Easton! As if we would do such a thing! I mean, For Your Eyes Only was the best song to come out of the Bond franchise bar none. Frankly, I’m baffled by this behavior.

Fortunately, Bouncy Beyoncé will be released throughout the rest of Europe and North America in 2016.

KANYE WEST TELLS PAUL MCCARTNEY ‘BEYONCE WAS BEST BEATLE’

HOLLYWOOD –  Backstage at the Grammys, Kanye West blasted Paul McCartney as a talentless no-hoper who should admit publicly that Beyoncé wrote all the Beatles’ songs.

A furious Kanye West ranted for five full minutes with his face just meters from the ex-Beatles face:

You are a f*cking disgrace, and if you had any artistic integrity you would go out on that stage and admit in front of all your peers that it was Beyoncé Knowles who wrote all the best tracks on Sgt. Peppers and all the tracks on Abbey Road and not only did you not credit her the way you ought have, you even changed the name of her best album to The White Album cause you were a bunch of cracker assholes.

Shocked onlookers tried to defend the elderly rocker, arguing with Kanye that Beyonce Knowles wasn’t even born when the Beatles broke up. But the belligerent rapper became apoplectic:

That’s what makes it so galling. She manages to write all those motherf*cking songs and she hasn’t even been born yet. As a little preconceived filth thought she has more artistic integrity than all these Scientologists. And she does the Pipes of Peace and that f*cking one with the frogs, I can’t remember what it was called but it was Goddamned genius. With the f*cking frogs singing like a f*cking chorus. What the f*ck was it called? Yeezus!

The former Fab Four member told the press that he agreed with everything he said and that he hoped that Kanye West would continue to make wonderful music and that tuna fish that he liked so much that comes in the tins.

Kanye West will be next interrupting an acceptance speech at the Oscars on the 22nd of February.