ALEJANDRO INARRITU TO DIRECT PADDINGTON 2

HOLLYWOOD – Popular children’s film Paddington 2 is to take an altogether different direction with the news that Oscar winning Birdman and Revenant director, Alejandro Inarritu is to take over as director.

Alejandro Inarritu dropped by the Studio Exec bungalow to talk about his new film Paddington 2.

I know that it is something of a surprise to see me take on a film such as this, but my career has been about trying to get away from the ghost of myself. If I simply becoming an automaton repeating the same old tropes and moves then artistically I will die. 21 Grams and Babel were too similar and so Birdman was a comedy, something I’ve never done. The Revenant is – when you come down to it – a classical revenge Western. But I’ve never done a children’s film. Not ever. And so when I saw Paddington I thought, I could have some of that.

The original Paddington was a huge success and Ben Wishaw is to return as the voice of the bear with Hugh Bonneville and Sally Hawkins also returning as the Browns, who, along with their children, adopt Paddington after finding him alone at Paddington railway station. But we asked if there was a story line yet:

It’s all very sketchy right now but I have some ideas of how I want to approach this and what I want to do. First of all we will film in only natural light, I will allow myself a maximum of five cuts in the whole move and there will be absolutely no CGI.

No CGI?

That was the one mistake I made on the Revenant and never again. CGI takes you out of the movie. It is automatic, when something is CGI your brain thinks, ‘Ah this is safe!’ I want danger and so we’ll be using a real bear and Ben will do the voice over live on set, perhaps strapped to the back of the bear. Nicole Kidman is returning as the villain of the piece. But in a way I also want all the characters to be draped in moral ambiguity. So my idea is that Mr. Brown has leukemia and in order to pay for his treatments, Mrs. Brown is selling heroin to street kids. Millicent (that’s Nicole) is blackmailing Mrs. Brown and turning her against Paddington who to be fair has become increasingly violent as he is following a Guru who is teaching him to get in touch with his inner bear. The idea came to me when I heard that ridiculous story about DiCaprio being raped by the bear. It was nonsense but then I thought, ‘What if Paddington instead of giving Mr. Brown a long hard stare…?’

Paddington 2: The Moral Darkness of a Godless Universe will be released in 2018.

 Image courtesy of @ThePixelFactor.

PADDINGTON BEAR DUBBED

HOLLYWOOD – The bear who stars in the new movie Padington was dubbed by English actor Ben Wishaw, The Studio Exec can EXCLUSIVELY reveal.

The news came as a shock to the British films millions of young fans.

‘It’s complete ruddy bullsh*t,’ said Carl (11).

I paid good money to watch Paddington and although I had lots of fun watching his pleasant buffonry and japes, as well as scoffing some top tucker and swilling it down with lashings of ginger beer, I was devilishly put out to discover that there was some actor johnny doing all his lines. Zooks! Let the bear speak, for the love of God’s green earth.

The film’s director, Paul King rushed to explain:

We did try with Paddington’s own voice but unfortunately being from Peru he had a very strong Peruvian accent and his English left a lot to be desired. First of all Colin Firth agreed to do it, but after half a day he threw a wobbly about there being too many green M&Ms in his M&Ms jar and walked off. We had to get Q (Ben Wishaw) from the James Bond films to come in and dub over the bear’s lines.

Although rare and consider dishonest, this is not the first time an actors lines have been overdubbed by people other than themselves. Humphrey Bogart in Beat the Devil was dubbed by Peter Sellers; Darth Vader’s voice was replaced by George Lucas and Caesar in Dawn of the Planet of the Apes was dubbed by Antonio Banderas.

Paddington is on current release.  

CLOUD ATLAS 2 ‘WON’T MAKE ANY SENSE EITHER’

BERLIN – Following on from the massive commercial and critical success of Cloud Atlas a sequel was almost inevitable and so it has proved with the Wachowski siblings and Tom Twyker announcing their follow up Cloud Dictionary to be filmed in 68 different countries over a time span of 5 million years and featuring Tom Hanks in 28 different roles.

Lana Wachowski – credited by many as the brains behind Speed Racer – outlined their plans for the film:

With the original film we were constrained by David Mitchell’s novel which although experimental in structure and broad in scope didn’t really allow for the revolutionary view of cinema we have in mind. With Cloud Dictionary, we look forward to making the intertwining narratives more numerous and the make up less and less realistic.   

Tom Twyker added that ‘the music will once more be the best thing in it. And is really the only reason I agreed to do the film.’ 

Tom Hanks will again star, as will Halle Berry and Hugo Weaving both of whom issued statements saying they’ve been finding it difficult to get work lately. Ben Wishaw however will not reprise his role(s) due to a prior commitment ‘to be in good films.’ 

Cloud Dictionary is due for release in 2015. 

CLOUD ATLAS: REVIEW

Forrest Gump and Cat Woman are chased through genres from the Nineteenth Century through to the distant future by Elrond and bumbling Captain Blowjob, and in the process make a right Monster’s Balls up of understanding Chaos theory. Gay Q turns up and (here’s a lark!) writes the soundtrack. It’s almost churlish to criticise this film, made as it was to defy understanding.

Not because of its serious philosophical rigour – its ‘philosophy’ is a nut-bag mix of cotton wool New Ageism (see title) and the most facile sentimental toss buckets: ‘Death is just another door’ – but because its monkey biscuits madness is something to be treasured. Savaging the movie is like criticising a suicide corpse for wearing a wedding dress: it’s crazy but it’s committed and perhaps should be. Laugh out loud comedy moments that are priceless gems come not in the Jim Broadbent ‘comedy’ section, which is so poor you would gnaw through your own ankle to escape if only you could, but rather courtesy of the make up department and some of the more sententious passages of prose that passes for dialogue.
The Wachowskis and Tom Tykwer are to be encouraged and given buckets of money. The film might be a God awful mess but it’s their God awful mess and not like any other.