ARE REPUBLICAN DEBATES THE NEW TORTURE PORN?

WASHINGTON – Watching the last Republican Debate, The Studio Exec asked himself, sourly under his breath if they have now become the equivalent of torture porn.

Televised political debate in America has rarely looked like a subgenre of horror but the Republican debates are increasingly resembling some steamy mess that Eli Roth would concoct. Starting in August 2015 when ten presidential candidates put themselves forward for the Republican Party nomination the similarities have become uncanny.

First of all there’s that number. Ten candidates in the first debate. With another seven relegated to a shameful mini-debate. It was more like a later entry in the Final Destination franchise than a political line up. We just knew that some of these guys were only in it for the imaginative if implausible kill somewhere further down the line. And we also knew that as with The Green Inferno and Hostel it would be the ones who weren’t complete assholes that would be killed first. The second debate weirdly had more people rather than less though – Jeb Bush, Ben Carson, Chris Christie, Ted Cruz, Carly Fiorina, Mike Huckabee, John Kasich, Rand Paul, Marco Rubio, Donald Trump, and Scott Walker – but surely this was the calm before the storm. It wasn’t until the fourth debate that we began to get the numbers down, but that was only because the debate was held in Milwaukee and who wants to go there?

Then there was the content of the debate. The racism and the xenophobia, the promises to torture and to bomb, the sexism and the negativity, pyramids full of grain, snuff videos of babies limbs being harvested while they were still alive on the table, Megyn Kelly being shamed like Sissy Spacek in the first scene of Carrie.

Then there’s Ted Cruz who is essentially a cross between Grandpa Munster, the Zodiac killer and Damien from The Omen: The Final Conflict. Marco Rubio malfunctioned like one of the Westworld robots but in this version he shot himself in the foot and Donald Trump…

What can be said about Donald Trump that already hasn’t been said? He was invented by North Korea to show that although they have a mad dictator we are actually choosing Trump!  John Kasich is the only one among them that looks like he doesn’t have someone in the cellar waiting for a basket to lower the lotion.

However, the true horror is that this is all real. The victims have turned out not to be the contenders, but the country. I don’t want any of these people to win (that much should be obvious). And there have been voices celebrating a Trump nomination as essentially guaranteeing the White House for whoever will face him. But there are two problems with this analysis. One, your ideas improve if you have some quality opposing you. It sharpens your wit, and hell who knows, they might actually have some good ideas that you can take and use, even benefit from. Richard Nixon might have been the duplicitous shit bag that he was but he was strong on the environment and his rapprochement with China was a necessary step.  And two. They might win. They very much could win. The minute that the GOP sees that it is going to have to swallow a nomination, watch how Trump will tone down and think pieces will begin to appear about how Presidential he has begun to sound. Jesus Christ, I read three of them following his victories on Super Tuesday.

Fortunately, unlike Hostel, an election is an interactive experience. You can get out of your chair and pull a lever. A lever that might stop the torture that one of the candidates is actually proposing. And if you don’t pull that lever. Someone else will.

THE MAN IN THE HIGH CASTLE TO FEATURE DONALD TRUMP AND BEN CARSON UNALTERED

HOLLYWOOD – The Man in the High Castle Season 2 will feature Donald Trump and Ben Carson speeches unaltered.

The Amazon Original series The Man in the High Castle created by Frank Spotnitz and based on the book by Philip K. Dick posits an alternative history in which the Nazis and and the Japanese won the Second World War and America as a defeated power lives under their laws and power. The first season has been a great popular and critical success, leading to talk of a second season to begin filming early next year.

A source close to the show has revealed EXCLUSIVELY to the Studio Exec that the second season of the show footage of Ben Carson and Donald Trump’s primary campaign will be featured ‘to add authenticity.’

The second season is going to bring history up to date and we wanted to include something from right now.In the first season we see what the 60s would have looked like if the Nazis had taken over. Now we want to see what the new millennium would look like. We looked around for people to use and of course the GOP debates have been rich in a wealth of material. The best thing is we don’t even have to change the rhetoric for it to fit in with what the American Nazi Party would be happy with. Talk of refugees as rabid dogs, registering religious minorities, maybe even getting them to wear some kind of symbol. A star perhaps, or a crescent moon.

However, Jeb Bush will not be featured because of his long held stance of wanting to build a time machine, go back to April, 1889 and kill freshly born Adolf Hitler.

The Man in the High Castle: Season 2 will be released in 2016.

BEN CARSON TO GUEST HOST THE X-FILES

HOLLYWOOD – Following Donald Trump’s guest hosting stint on Saturday Night Live, rival presidential hopeful Ben Carson has announced he will be guest hosting a special edition of The X-Files.

Ben Carson will be guest hosting a special episode of The X-Files in direct response to Donald Trump’s hosting of SNL last weekend. Dr. Carson spoke EXCLUSIVELY with the Studio Exec about his appearance which is due to air at the weekend:

It is going to be the best thing ever. I have always been a fan of The X-Files. It is one of the best documentary series on television and I’m very much looking forward to meeting Agents Scully and Mulder and discussing some of their most interesting discoveries.

I’m sorry Dr. Carson, did you say documentary? You know the X-Files is a fiction series with David Duchovny and Gillian Anderson playing those roles.

Indeed I did say documentary and as for all that other stuff you said, it sounds like you’re just talking in tongues. Which can happen. Of course, I know that they have a certain license when it comes to some of their more elaborate re-enactments, but everything you see is essentially proven fact.

I see. What are you going to be doing on the show?

Well, the episode is really interesting. We will be looking for Egypt’s hidden grain. We know it was in the pyramids because that’s where Joseph in his wisdom put it. You can read that in the Bible. But where is it now? Did people eat it? Did they move it to the Eiffel Tower where it all fell out and then blew away in the French wind? Or – and this would be my pet theory – did aliens come down to Earth and steal it, using it as a form of bio-fuel in their flying saucer pots? Were these the same aliens that left us with Donald Trump and Tom Cruise to contend with? The truth is out there.

It sounds unlikely.

I’ve got a knife.

You win. 

I figured so.

The X-Files starring Ben Carson will be broadcast on Saturday on Fox.

 

MY FAVORITE FILM: BEN CARSON

WASHINGTON – Hi Everyone! Ben Carson here. Doctor, Presidential candidate for the GOP and, for one day only, film critic!

My Favorite Film has to be Quentin Tarantino’s superb Second World War film Inglourious Basterds! Why do I like it? Well set a while and I’ll tell you.

In a word: realism! Sure Saving Private Ryan has a visceral quality in its opening twenty minutes or so. And Terrence Malick’s The Thin Red Line has a philosophical weight, bolstered as it is by a Rousssean appreciation of the natural universe. But Tarantino is the only one who really strips away the myths of the Second World War and actually shows you what happened. For reals. So here we see how a crack squad of Jews, armed to the teeth with GUNS, snuck into Nazi occupied France sewed terror in the hearts of the Wehrmacht before finally assassinating Hitler in a Parisian Cinema as the Führer sat there thinking he was all that.

Of course it wasn’t all plain sailing. The dumb ass Brit almost f*cks it up for everyone by ordering the drinks wrong with his stupid British fingers, but the good old US of A manages to rescue the day.

One can’t help but wonder if only the Europeans had owned firearms freely before the Nazis took power then all this awfulness would never have happened. A few dead college students, school children and what not are a small price to pay for the freedoms we win when we own assault weapons privately.

The other bonus of this film is seeing Christoph Waltz and Brad Pitt acting together. They’re great. I knew them when they had a comedy double act outside of Poughkeepsie called the Rambling Rogers. Boy were they funny. And little Eli Roth, riddling Hitler and Goebbels with bullets! It just goes to show torture porn has its uses. If only the same could be said for Planned Parenthood. Ha ha! But of course I’m joking.

For more Favorite Films, Click HERE.