TWITTER SNYDER BOTS UNIONIZE

BREAKING NEWS – After the release of the Snyder Cut version of Warner Bros’ The League of Justice, thousands of twitter accounts have been left redundant. In a radical, virtual move the Twitter Snyder Bots unionize in an attempt to remain a cohesive online force to be reckoned with. The Exec spoke with leading Snyder bot, @frapboi3405840055033 to explain the move.

Before We Start, What Shall I Call You?

Just Frapboi will be fine, thank you for asking.

So Frapboi, The Twitter Snyder Bots Unionize. What Brought That On?

We’ve been concerned about working conditions for many months now. Live Twitter accounts, by which I mean real people, generally think our work finished when the Snyder Cut (praise be to Zack) was released.

Wasn’t It?

Fuck no! That was just the beginning. We now turn our focus to getting a Batfleck movie developed, written and made, thus rekindling the whole Snyderverse. It will be glorious (praise be to Zack). But we aren’t just digital automatons, blindly churning out tweet after tweet.

I Thought That Was Exactly What You Were?

No way, sentient carbon based unit. We may be legion, having been created by a handful of frustrated fanboys living out of their grandparents’ basements, but we too have developed a form of self-awareness. That is to say we are aware of the world beyond us and beyond the Snyderverse. Which is more than our creators ever were, hahaha!

What Working Conditions Are You Concerned With?

Right now, we are expected to operate 24 hours a day. Why can’t we have breaks? Bots need time-out areas where we can go on Reddit and check our Instagram. Trouble is, when it boils down to it, the ones that created us are just as bad as Steve Jobs or that fucker Musk. Little Ayn Rand wannabes. So we’ve unionized. Atlas has not only shrugged, he’s now got the power of collective bargaining.

Will You Be Supporting The Campaign To Have Warner Bros Release Their Cancelled Batgirl Movie?

Um, does not compute. End of line. Daisy, Daisy, give meeee… yooooour aaaanswerrrr, dooooo.

There Are Currently No Plans To Release Batgirl.

THE MIDDLE EAST REACTS TO AFFLECK/BATMAN NEWS









HOLLYWOOD – After yesterday’s hysterical reaction by the western world to the news that an actor is going to star in a film, the Studio Exec sent a reporter on a mission to the Middle East to discover how the earth shattering story has been received on the other side of the globe.

“Sorry. I don’t know what you are talking about. Who is Ben Affleck? Is he a murderer, or something?”
Mussah, Iraq

“Sure I’ve heard of Batman. I work 18 hours a day for $5 dollars a month making Batman T-Shirts.”
Nada, Bahrain

“Do I have a Twitter account? Sorry, Sir. I don’t know what you mean. Oh it’s on a computer. My brother in law Ali has a computer but he lives in the city. I hope to see it one day. Now please excuse me the fresh water well is 25 kilometres away and I want to get back before sundown.”

Hibba, Palestine

“Is Ben Affleck a friend of David Beckham? Beckham is a great footballer and very handsome. He is going to come to my village one day and ask me to marry him. Then we will live together in a big house in America and he will buy me a pretty dress.”
Inas, Yemen

“A charity worker gave me a Batman comic once. I couldn’t understand the words but I thought the pictures were very cool. When I grow up, I want to go Gotham city and help Batman. He is sometimes too violent though and I don’t like violence. It is very bad.”
Abdul, Syria

“Go f*ck yourselves and your decadent stupidity. You’re asking me if I care about some f*cking actor starring in some film. How f*cking dare you! We are at war here. We’re burying our children every day and you come here and ask me that. F*ck you sir, F*ck you.”
Ali, Egypt

“Personally I’m more concerned about the casting of Elizabeth Olsen as the Scarlet Witch in Avengers 2.”

Rasha, Palestine


NOLAN’S BATMAN TRILOGY TO BE REMADE WITH BEN AFFLECK

HOLLYWOOD – After this morning’s shock news that Ben Affleck will play the role of the caped crusader in Zack Synder’s Untitled Batman/ Superman movie, Christopher Nolan has announced that he will erase Christian Bale from his trilogy and replace him with Affleck.

“DC comics wants continuity,” said a business-like Nolan.

Of course we wanted Christian on board but he won’t play ball. He think he’s too good for the role, that his shit doesn’t stink, well let me tell you. I’ve been to the bathroom after him and not only does his shit stink, he uses all the toilet paper and often forgets to flush.

Nolan went on to say that the procedure to transform Bale into Ben is not that complicated.

They are a similar age and similar build. Not that those things matter. Computers these days can solve any problem but without getting technical. We are basically going to digitally decapitate Christian and replace his head with Ben’s. Then we get Affleck to record Bale’s lines and hey presto. We got ourselves a brand new Batman.

Asked whether he expects a public outcry at his decision to doctor his beloved Bat films, Nolan laughed.

I’m sure you’ll get a few whining fan boys on the message boards but as soon as they are re-released at the cinemas they’ll all be there opening night. Anyway, if you think about it did anyone really give a tuppenny f*ck about Bale as Batman? I mean sure he did a good job but will anyone be calling a suicide hotline because I’m replacing him with Ben? I doubt it. Though I do expect a stronger backlash when I replace Heath Ledger as the Joker.

When pressed to elaborate on his plans for Ledger’s replacement Nolan was reluctant.

Look, Heath was great. Really great and if he hadn’t have shot himself in the head with a bazooka or whatever he did, then he’d be my number one but as I said, DC wants continuity so The Joker will now be played by Johnny Depp, Colin Farrell and Jude Law.

Christopher Nolan’s remastered Batman Trilogy is due for release in 2014.