RICHARD LINKLATER PREPS BERNIE 2

AUSTIN – School of Rock and Slackers director Richard Linklater announced that yesterday he is prepping his new film Bernie 2 which will star real life murderer Bernie Tiede subject of Linklater’s 2011 film Bernie.

The director of the Before Sunrise trilogy said:

Though now a documentary, Bernie 2 is an unofficial sequel if you will. I want to show how Bernie is just an ordinary person with a story to tell. He committed a crime and has served his sentence and I want to see how he reinserts himself back into society.

An evidently annoyed Jack Black commented:

This is bullshit. I nailed that character and then they come in with the actual guy…? How am I supposed to compete with that. It’s just bullshit man. [Mimes frustrated guitar solo] Didddley diddley deeeeeeee.

Richard Linklater outlined plans of filming the real Bernie for a number of years and denied reports that Bernie Tiede had actually requested to be taken back to prison.

‘I get more privacy there,’ he allegedly complained. 

Bernie 2 will be released in 2025, 2020 with good behavior.

ETHAN HAWKE AND JULIE DELPY CONDEMNED BY FRENCH COURT

PARIS – Stars of Before Sunrise, Before Sunset and Before Midnight, Ethan Hawke and Julie Delpy were today found guilty in a French court of having ‘defrauded the public’, a charge which could lead to a hefty fine and a short custodial sentence if the ruling is upheld.

The pair instantly lodged an appeal. 

French Magistrate Pierre Fantin stated in his judgement that:

M. Hawke and Madame Delpy have consistently and with malice of forethought raised our expectations as to what to expect when a stranger starts talking to you on a train. Untold damage has been done, with young French women in particular being made vulnerable to danger of assault, when – believing they are at the start of a life long romance – they fall for any old line from a pubicly hirsute backpacking American now. There has been an astronomic rise in the amount of semi-funny babble and meandering anecdote telling, and as heart warming as that is, it also deserves punishment.

The White House today took the unusual step of commenting on the judgement, saying that ‘It was no more damaging than When Harry Met Sally.’  The director of the films – who was not named in the original charges – Richard Linklater said that the case was preposterous and would not deter the team for reuniting for a prequel that was currently being planned. ‘This is a story many have grown to love and I think we will do justice to that,’ said Linklater. ‘Unlike the French court.’

Before Before Sunrise, Sunset and Midnight will be released in 2015.