KEVIN SMITH’S BEARD: THE INTERVIEW

After a recent public parting of ways, Kevin Smith’s beard sat down with The Studio Exec to discuss his past relationship with Smith and his plans for the future.

How did you feel about Kevin posting that picture on Instagram?

Well, you know. I can’t really say I didn’t see it coming. We haven’t been getting along for a while and I think we both knew it was time for a change.

But to do it on a public forum, surely you must be disappointed?

Look, I admit it was a shock at first but I think it’s for the best. I feel like I’ve been living in his shadow and not getting the credit I deserved.

So it’s true that you directed Clerks?

I don’t think we need to go there. It was a long time ago.

That’s not a denial.

Yeah. Well at the time I regarded it as a collaborative effort but looking back, I put a few more hours in than Kevin.

So you did direct it?

F*ck man, you’re relentless. Okay, fine, I directed Clerks.

All I’m saying is if I was in your position I’d be pretty pissed off.

I am pissed off. I’m pissed off every waking minute of every f*cking hour. I’m the forgotten man of the movie business and that’s hard to live with. I don’t begrudge Kevin, I couldn’t have done it without him but now, now it’s time to make my own way.

Sorry, I don’t mean to be funny but did you say you’re the “forgotten man” of the movie business.

I did. What’s the issue?

Well, you’re not a man. You’re a beard.

What are you trying to do to me bro? If you want me to cry I’ll f*cking cry.

That won’t be necessary. So, what are your plans for the future?

I’m going on holiday to Cancun with my lady for a couple of weeks to relax then I’ve got a meeting with John Travolta.

Travolta? Are you two thinking of working on a movie together?

To be honest I’m not sure. I was at a party at Billy Crystal’s house and Joe Pesci told me that Travolta was having marital problems with Kelly Preston and that he was looking for a new beard. I don’t know how the two things are related but hey, work is work.