EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW: BARBARA BROCCOLI TALKS JAMES BOND

HOLLYWOOD  – The Exec talks exclusively with Barbara Broccoli about James Bond.

Barbara Broccoli, producer of the James Bond films talked with The Studio Exec on a very revealing Zoom call.

Hello? Barbara? Can you point your camera upwards please? All I can see is the white cat on your lap.
‘Zat will not be possible, I am afraid. You will look at my cat, Blofeld. You will see his face only, you will not see my face, muahahahaha.’

Um, ok. But, anyway Barbara, thank you so much for agreeing to talk with me.
‘You are most welcome, Meester Exec. It is always a pleasure talking to such a… deestinguished gentleman with taste and deescretion, muahahahaha.’

Thank you. If you don’t mind me saying, Barbara, I didn’t realise you spoke with such a mysterious, non-specific Eastern European accent?
‘You must be careful, number 2, because many people have said zis before and not many have lived to tell za tale.‘

Are you able to confirm the final release date for No Time To Die?
‘Yes, number 2, I can. It will be released in 2025, but only after we have cast, shot and released the next Bond film. As a result, will we finally be rid of dat damned Daniel Craig and his most excellent Meester Bond, muahahahahah.’

Why do you want to keep us from seeing Daniel Craig’s final film as Bond?
‘Because it is too good. For years, I masterminded za demise of Meester Bond with Piz Bronzan and his smarmy, tongue in cheek comedy. As a result I had Basil Fawlty as R, a silly inveesible car and surfing a god damned tsunami! That was really sheet, muahahahahah.’

‘Then we make Casino Royale and people pay millions because of Craig in his sexy swimming cosy. They pay millions because of his muscles and good acting.  As a result, he insists on Sam bloody Mendes to make the films and they are actually good. Eet makes me sick, so I am taking control back and I will make them sheet again.  Muahahahahahahahahah.’

No Time To Die will be released at some point, perhaps.

ROGER MOORE WILL NOT RETURN AS JAMES BOND

LONDON – Roger Moore has definitively ruled out the possibility of his return as James Bond, when Daniel Craig finishes his current contract which will see him star in another two outings as 007.

‘I’m already too old,’ Sir Roger Moore quipped. ‘And in another three of four years time, I’ll be 87-88. Perhaps I could play his grandfather. Ha ha.’

I had no sooner started scribbling ‘Roger Moore confirmed as 007’s grandfather in new Bond film’ when Sir Roger’s hand gripped my wrist in a steely grip.

‘I was joking,’ hissed the no-longer twinkly septuagenarian. 

Although to be totally honest I have considered returning from time to time. I see what Daniel is doing, the running and the jumping, the having sex in the shower with women who have been abused since childhood, and I think, “I’d like a bit of that”, but then I notice he doesn’t ever seem to have time for a cigarette and when it comes down to it there’s not that much shagging.

So that’s a definite maybe?

No. Absolutely not.  

And what if Sean Connery…?

Then yes.

Moonraker 2 will be released in 2017.

QUENTIN TARANTINO TO DIRECT NEXT BOND

HOLLYWOOD – Quentin Tarantino today confirmed that he will be directing the next James Bond, although it is still unclear who the next Bond might be.

Following the news that Sam Mendes won’t be directing the next James Bond outing, speculation has been rife as to who will take over the job of helming the most successful and long running cinema franchise in the history of film.  It looks like today that question has been answered with an EXCLUSIVE interview with Quentin Tarantino.

So Quentin, it looks like you got the gig.

I did indeed. It’s no secret that I wanted to direct a James Bond film since the very beginning of the Daniel Craig years. I laid out my ideas very clearly: Casino Royale but done in period and very faithful to the novel. They took on half of that idea but since then I’ve not stopped talking to Barbara [Broccoli] and the 007 team and when it became clear that Sam Mendes wasn’t coming back then I thought I could step in once more.

So what will be the story and who will be Bond?

Let’s be clear about this. Barbara runs the show. I’m gonna throw in my suggestions and I’m gonna write the script but the direction of the story, the casting and all of that is out of my hands. I’m pitching a remake of Thunderball. It’s the film that was done a couple of times and for various copyright reasons it was never really resolved. And as for Bond I like the suggestion of Idris Elba and I love Michael Fassbender, but if I really had carte blanche I’d have Samuel L. Jackson. He’s so good. I mean suave and dangerous.

What are the chances that Daniel Craig might stay on?

I don’t know. We need to have that conversation and I know that he’s really all about the script so I’d be eager to sit down and talk him through my ideas. But I can also tell him right now that there’ll be a lot more swearing and a bit less violence. But the violence will mean more if you know what I mean. And I want to put in the humor again, like the old Roger Moore Bonds.

Thundermotherf*ckingBalls will be released in 2018.

DANIEL CRAIG TO BE PART-TIME 007

HOLLYWOOD – In a ‘turn up for the books’, James bond 007 actor Daniel Craig has revealed that he is to go ‘part-time’ as the most famous British secret agent.

Daniel Craig spoke EXCLUSIVELY to the Studio Exec about his decision to dial down his commitment to James Bond.

I’ve been a full time James Bond for eleven years more or less. The hours are killing me. So I talked to Michael Wilson and Barbara Brocoli and we decided that I could ease off a bit.

How does that work?

I’m going to do three days a week and that will leave me more time to write my Scandinavian crime novels, do a bit of gardening and start prepping Cowboys and Aliens and Pirates with Jon Favreau.

Sounds great.

The screenwriters are going to put in a new character called Timmy Mallet and he’ll take up the slack for me. He has a large mallet and hits people on the head with it to hilarious effect.

That explains the title.

Yeah. So I’m sorry Mr. Hiddleston and Mr. Elba. You’re going to have to wait a little while longer.

Bond Meets Mallet will be released in 2018.

CHRISTOPH WALTZ TO BE ‘FIRST GERMAN JAMES BOND’

HOLLYWOOD – In a casting move which shocked the world, Oscar-winning actor Christoph Waltz has been cast to take over from Daniel Craig in the role of James Bond, 007.

The news came from esteemed English newspaper the Daily Mail, which claimed that Daniel Craig had been ditched at the last minute, due to his insistence on inserting his own self-penned ballads into the script (for more on the Daniel Craig’s musical Bond CLICK HERE).

Series producer Barbara Broccoli told the Studio Exec EXCLUSIVELY:

Daniel has been a great Bond. In Casino Royale and Skyfall especially. The Quantum of Solace was hampered by the writer’s strike but that’s history now. However, as we approached the shooting of Bond 24, he began to express some concerns about the script. He’d seen Les Miserables and really liked it and wanted to put some songs in the film which he would sing. Unfortunately he had to go and luckily Christoph was available.

Why Christoph Waltz?

It’s a radical choice. We were thinking of Idris Elba and having the first black Bond, or even Carey Mulligan and the first female Bond, but in the end we decided to go one further and in casting Christoph Waltz we’ll be making history in having our first German Bond!

How is that going to work? Isn’t James Bond quintessentially English?

No, not really. He wants to be English but he’s actually part Scottish, part French. Why not also part German? And to think of all those inner demons he has to struggle with. It will add to his character. And the villain,  Sir Charles Falkland Islands, played by Hugh Grant, will use that to undermine him.

Bond 24 will start shooting in December and is due for release in 2015.

BOND 24 OFFICIALLY TITLED ‘TIME SPIES’

LONDON – James Bond producer Barbara Broccoli has confirmed that Doctor Who scribe Steven Moffat has completed the first draft of the upcoming Bond film Time Spies.

Directed by Skyfall helmer Sam Mendes, Time Spies will feature the current 007 Daniel Craig pursuing his previous incarnations who have travelled through time and united to destroy MI6 and bring down the British government for unspecified reasons.

George Lazenby, Roger Moore, Timothy Dalton and Pierce Brosnan have all signed on to return as Bond but so far Sean Connery is playing hard ball:

“Sean is such an asshole,” said an angry Broccoli.

He wants 5% of the gross and he refuses to work weekdays. I still haven’t forgiven him for that Never Say Never Again crap. I mean, he’s not even playing the real Bond, he’s playing a cyborg created by Blofeld! Oh dear. I’ve said too much haven’t I?

The Studio Exec tried to contact Connery for a comment but his agent said he was too busy playing golf. Woody Allen, on the other hand, had this to say:

I don’t understand why they didn’t ask me. I played James Bond in the original Casino Royale. I feel rejected, cast out. I’m 00-leper, license to rot in obscurity. You know I told my therapist about it and he…

Time Spies is due for release in 2015.

DISNEY BUY JAMES BOND

HOLLYWOOD – Closing a year that have seen the acquisition of Indiana Jones and Star Wars, Disney have gone on a last minute spending spree and bagged the 007 franchise as well.

The character rights of James Bond, M, Q and the longest running popular movie franchise will now be under the control of the House of the Mouse after Michael G. Wilson and Barbara Broccoli succumbed to an offer that was ‘just too good to refuse’.

Eon Productions issued a statement announcing the acquisition this morning.

It is with great pleasure and joy that we announce that Eon Productions and the rights to the James Bond series have been bought by the Disney Company. We are confident that this move will cement the future of the franchise well into the next century.

A spokesperson for Disney remarked:

We are delighted to have bagged 007 and we reassure all Bond fans that we won’t be changing this beloved twinkly eyed charmer at all. He’ll still be singing and dancing with cartoon penguins just as he has throughout his career as super spy and rescuer of kittens extraordinaire.

It  is understood that the takeover has happened in time for the next James Bond film, starring Daniel Craig and directed by Sam Mendes, to be released under the imprimatur of the Walt Disney studio. 

A Modicum of Whimsy is to be released in 2015.

MALICK FURIOUS ABOUT MENDES BOND BETRAYAL

f*cking furious

TEXAS – Terrence Malick – director of The Thin Red Line and The New World – unleashed a scathing attack on fellow director Sam Mendes, after the latter betrayed him by taking over the Bond franchise.
The Tree of Life director and famous recluse – who believed he was to direct the next instalment (Click HERE for more) – was reported to be seething and told the Studio Exec:

I’m absolutely livid. I’m completely cheesed off. If it wasn’t for the occasional bit of glory and some wonder now and then I wouldn’t know what to do.  

Apparently, Malick had been convinced that he was going to be the next director to be granted the privilege of helming a Bond film.

I distinctly heard Barbara Broccoli and Michael Wilson whispering to me – “Bond, Malick, brothers, who is it who will direct this film?” Now of course that’s not a contract so to speak, but for dirty ex-Mr. Winslett to sneak in and whip it out from under me. Well, dog gone it, my hackles done rose.

Daniel Craig was despatched to Malick HQ with a bottle of Jagermeister to try and make the peace, but returned with a shiner and a promise from Malick to ‘whup that limey’s ass’.

Bond 24 is coming out and going to be made before that.

TOM HANKS IS THE NEW SHAFT


HOLLYWOOD – With the gossip grapevine buzzing with news that James Bond producer Barbara Broccoli has met Idris Elba to discuss him taking on the role of 007. Tom Hanks has confirmed he has signed on to play Detective John Shaft in Rob Marshall’s upcoming Shaft in Baghdad.


We caught up with Hanks in his crib to ask him about taking on such an iconic role.

Mr Hanks. This will be your first time working with Rob Marshall. How is it going so far.?

Sheeeet,man, that honkey mus’ be messin’ my old lady got to be runnin’ col’ upside down his head!

Indeed. So what do you say to people who think you are too white to play an intrinsically black Icon?

Hey Holms, I can dig it! You know I ain’t gonna lay no mo’ big rap upon you man!


Shaft in Baghdad will be the first release by ‘Color Blind’ pictures. A liberal and progressive production company founded by Matt Damon and Spike Lee who have a raft of projects lined up. These include Robin Hoodwith Denzel Washington. Andrew Garfield is to take on the role of Will Smith in The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air and Chow Yun-Fat will play Superman’s father Jor-El in the upcoming Justice Leaguefilm.

Damon himself is rumored to be circling the role of Bruce Lee in Scorsese’s One Inch Punch. An upcoming biopic of the legendary martial arts star.

Shaft in Baghdad will be released in 2015.


DANIEL CRAIG: NEXT BOND FILM COULD BE MUSICAL

Seemed drunk

LONDON – Daniel Craig hinted today at a radical change in direction for the Bond franchise. ‘I’d like to sing,’ he told stunned reporters. ‘If you think about it, 007 has always had this musical side to him, with all the Bond songs,  and some great musicians working on the films, and Adele.’

Michael G. Wilson, who – along with Barbara Broccoli – controls the creative direction of the multimillion dollar film series, said that Craig’s idea was ‘interesting’, but his intonation went up at the end of the word as if to make it into a question.
‘Bond could go in many different directions,’ Wilson said. ‘I’d never, to be honest, thought of it as a musical but I don’t know. Maybe. But… No probably not. No. Actually definitely no.’
Bono and the Edge have already volunteered to score a possible musical that they have called License to Sing! Edge has already written an overture and three songs. ‘I don’t think much about them,’ said Edge in an Irish accent. ‘I just churn them out.’
To the assembled journalists, Craig launched into a series of songs with a surprisingly robust baritone, starting with Jane’s Addiction and ‘Been Caught Stealing’ and ended with a sublime version of ‘This Corrosion’ by The Sisters of Mercy.

MI6 CRITICISE SKYFALL

LONDON – Sources within MI6 have let it be known that they do not appreciate the new Sam Mendes directed, Daniel Craig starring James Bond outing Skyfall due to its ‘unacceptable levels of accuracy’.

The British Security Service has until now had a relatively warm relationship with the franchise, with one inside circular claiming that ‘78% of recruits credit James Bond with the reason they applied to join the service, and substantial evidence that the other 12% are lying’. However, when heads of the Secret Service sat down to enjoy a private screening of the film alongside producers Michael Wilson and Barbara Broccoli the cosiness didn’t last long.

One insider said:

As soon as the final credits rolled there were boos and hissings and one senior agent pulled down his pants and let out a loud fart. The main complaint was how close the film was to reality. Most of the Bond films represent a flattering fantasy, but Skyfall showed MI6 very much on the back foot as it is tormented by cyber criminal Silva (played by Javier Bardem’s hair). In the very first scene, they lose a list of all the embedded agents, well, we do that every other week.   

Daniel Craig’s Bond was also seen as overly true to life. ‘At one point Bond goes on holiday without filling out the usual P17/38(B),’ said an MI6 spook. ‘Well, I did the very same thing last week.’

SKYFALL: M TO GET HER OWN MOVIE

LONDON – Today on the release of Skyfall  in the United Kingdom, Michael Wilson and Barbara Broccoli announced that they are working on a breakaway project. ‘We have two main possibilities,’ said Michael Wilson. ‘But by far the most popular idea is that we’ll have M having her stand alone movie.’
‘And what will it be called?’ we asked, excited.
‘Erm,’ he said. ‘M.’
Judi Dench – when asked about the prospect- expressed enthusiasm. ‘Oh, definitely,’ she said. ‘Why should all the boys have all the fun?’

It is believed that Paul Haggis has already submitted a treatment. ‘Yeah,’ he said, when we asked him.

The story would begin before M met James Bond and would see her rise through the ranks of the British secret service fighting misogyny and the villainous Margaret Thatcher who is seen as a Moscow implant. Daniel Craig is expected to make a cameo as a little boy on a school trip.

M: the Early Years is due out in 2015.