AMERICA DECLARES WAR ON NORTH KOREA

The baby faced leader of North Korea Kim Jong-un, decreed on state television this morning that he is changing the name of the country to Mordor and declaring himself the living embodiment of Sauron the Great.

President Obama immediately released a statement condemning Jong-un’s actions as being nothing more than a cheap publicity stunt, but hours later US spy satellites recorded footage of an army of Orcs and Goblins marching towards the Korean border which forced the president to take decisive action.
 




I’ve been consulting with my chief adviser Gandalf the grey “ said a businesslike Obama.

 
He is currently recruiting a crack unit who will travel to Mordor and end Sauron’s reign of tyranny once and for all.”
 
When asked if he had a message for his enemy the President didn’t mince his words:
 

I’d like to make it clear to Sauron and anyone who else who dares threaten the security of the United States of America or it’s allies. We have the Ring of Power and we are not afraid to use it!

 

Meanwhile in New York, Sauron’s ambassador Saruman the White had to be rescued by helicopter after a mob of dwarfs led by Game of Thronesstar Peter Dinklage stormed the Mordorian embassy.

The Mordorians have been oppressing my people for a millennia and today’s the day we fight back!” said a rousing Dinklage.

A UN resolution has been swiftly ratified with all member states agreeing that Sauron must be brought to justice. However political philosopher Noam Chomsky urged caution:

 

The life of one Orc means nothing to Sauron. He’ll throw a million of them into the meat grinder and not even blink but we don’t want to get into a situation were we are throwing a million Elves back at him. If Gandalf’s so called “Fellowship” fails in their quest then we should get Sauron around a table and try and hammer out a peaceful resolution.

 
We will bring you more news of of these turbulent events, when we get it.