FLUFFER’S 2014: PART 4

Sir Edwin Fluffer returns with the fourth part of his wonderful yearbook of 2014.

Aug 1st Kirk’s hugely excited about Whatever Happened to Baby Jane? Lauren Bacall’s expressed an interest, so naturally I’m thrilled. It’s a real honour to appear onscreen with such a true icon of Hollywood’s golden age, and I’m sure she’ll rise to the challenge quite admirably.

Aug 7th Peter Jackson’s had me back in to re-shoot the ending for The Hobbit. He wants to lighten the mood a bit, so the idea is Gandalf will finally return from the quest to be welcomed home by me as his dear old Dad.  I ad-libbed a line about having trouble getting the orc’s blood out of his cape, so it would be nice if they could use that.

Aug 12th Lauren Bacall has passed away.  Another dear friend gone and suddenly I feel so terribly alone. Watched Home Alone 2, that always cheers me up.

Sep 1st Kirk Douglas phoned: he’s got Richard Kiel for Baby Jane! I’m starting to wonder what direction this project is heading in, but Dickie is a dear old friend and always a joy to work with. You never need a bottle opener when he’s at the party!

Sep 10th Richard Kiel’s died. Roger Moore once told me that Richard had the softest hands of any Bond villain who’s ever tried to throttle him. Apparently he’d never offer to do the washing up unless there was a pair of gloves he could use and it must’ve done wonders for his skin.

Sep 27th I’ve been invited to sit on the jury at one of these European film festivals. It sounded like quite a jolly little jaunt, but then the organisers said that unlike the journalists I would be expected to watch the all the pictures right the way through to the end. Ever since I had that funny turn during Blue Is The Warmest Colour my doctor’s advised me to stay away from anything with subtitles, so I shall probably have to say no.

Oct 1st Kirk’s started work on the soundtrack for Baby Jane. I think he’s putting the cart before the house because we haven’t even started filming yet, but he’s heard of this chap called Raphael Ravenscroft who played the sax solo on a song called Baker Street and apparently now he can’t stop singing it!

Oct 13th Turned on the telly this afternoon and they’re showing Apache Chaps meet Dracula. I always thought Bela Lugosi was dreadfully miscast, but money was tight on that one and he had his own cape. I distinctly remember being very impressed by the way he used his fangs to eat corn on the cob.

Oct 19th Raphael Ravenscroft’s died. Kirk’s terribly upset, but he played a trumpeter in Young Man With A Horn, so he’s hoping he can get away with it. I’ve still got the ukulele I played in Apache Chaps Rule The Waves so I’ll try and strum along on that.

For more of Sir Edwin FLUFFER, be a peach and Click Here.

FLUFFER’S 2014: PART 3

Our series of exclusive extracts from the 2014 Yearbook of Sir Edwin Fluffer continues.

May 1st Kirk Douglas rang first thing with wonderful news: he’s got a new cinematographer for Baby Jane! It’s Gordon Willis who did Annie Hall and The Godfather. Hope he remembers to take the lens cap off!

May 18th Very upset to hear that Gordon Willis has died. He was one of the best cinematographers in the business; not once did he forget to take the lens cap off.

May 30th Woken up by Stevie Spielberg banging on my window. He’s going to do another Indiana Jones, Connery’s said he rather lick Olivia de Havilland, and so they’re re-writing his part for me and I’ll be playing Harrison Ford’s grandfather!

I might need some practice with the whip. I got into terrible trouble with it on that Columbo I did and nearly had Peter Falk’s eye out.

June 1st Kirk Douglas called. He got the surprise of his life when I answered because he thought he’d rung Eli Wallach! Apparently Eli’s interested in Baby Jane, so that’s good news. I haven’t seen him since I was dropped from The Good, The Bad, The Ugly and The Fruity… I don’t know if that was even released in the end.

June 11th First day on the disaster waiting to happen which is this bloody Star Wars thing I’m doing. Unfortunately there was a bit of an incident with Harrison Ford. I was waving at Carrie Fisher when I spilled my drink, there was a terrible crash, and somehow the poor old darling’s broken his leg. Hopefully the insurance will cover it.

June 24th Rang Eli Wallach to talk about Baby Jane but there was no answer. Turned on the telly and heard that he’d died! All a terrible shock and of course he will be missed. We were going to be in The Magnificent Seven together but they’d hired one actor too many and I drew the short straw.

July 1st Kirk Douglas has been on the phone. James Garner can’t wait to make a start on Baby Jane. The sooner the better apparently!

July 19th Such sad news about the death of James Garner. Jimmy was an absolute delight and I shall miss his sense of humour terribly. He had used to have an hilarious message on his answer machine pretending he was called Jim Rockford!

July 21st Dawn of the Planet of the Apes has been released and I have to say that Mickey Serkis puts in one of the worst performances that it’s ever been my misfortune to watch! I’m glad they cut my part from the picture, I’d be embarrassed to be seen with him! I knew it wasn’t going very well when I told the director about my idea for a tea party scene and he just pretended he hadn’t even heard me

 For more of Sir Edwin FLUFFER, be a peach and Click Here.