CAT THAT LOOKS LIKE MARTIN SCORSESE FOUND IN NEW YORK

NEW YORK – A man was left stunned this morning after a cat resembling legendary director Martin Scorsese was discovered in Central Park.

The feline was found by casting agent Franz Lieberman who came across the amazing animal as he was taking an early morning run.

“I’d stopped to pause for breath when I heard a voice I recognised coming from the bushes,” said an animated Lieberman:

I wandered into the undergrowth and saw this cat giving a lecture to 3 squirrels and a hedgehog about the influence of the French new wave on American independent cinema of the late 1960s. I wasn’t shocked that the cat was talking, I mean, I’ve seen ‘Babe’ and I know that animals are capable of human speech. It was the fact that this creature looked and sounded exactly like Martin Scorsese!

Lieberman claims he stayed to listen to the remainder of the “remarkably insightful lecture” then spent the next half hour chatting to the cat about his upcoming projects:

Marty, as he insisted on me calling him, said he was due to start pre-production on a remake of Visconti’s ‘The Leopard’ but unfortunately his leading mouse had been eaten by an owl the day before.

After parting from Marty with a firm paw shake,  Lieberman immediately got in contact with the New York Times who were only too familiar with such fantastical tales:

“It’s nothing we haven’t heard before,” said journalist Rick Town:

These film industry people take lots of drugs the night before then go on their morning runs and claim they had a conversation with an animal that looks like a director. Only last week we got a call from a screenwriter from New Jersey who said he’d been discussing the effect of Russian revolutionary cinema on the German expressionist movement with a Koi Carp that was a dead ringer for Werner Herzog.

DAVID CAMERON TO STAR IN BABE REMAKE

LONDON – British Prime Minister revealed today that he is lined up to star in a remake of children’s classic Babe.

The new film will feature David Cameron in the role of the farmer, he looks after the eponymous pig and learns gradually to love the pig, to really care for it and love, to love it long time. Oh Yeah!

The news came only hours after revelations that the British PM had had intimate relations with a farmyard animal of the porcine kind. Speaking EXCLUSIVELY with the Studio Exec, a source close to the Prime Minister said:

The news is wonderful. I think the Prime Minister is relieved that it’s all out in the open and he can finally live the lie of bestiality that he always longed for. The film will go a long way towards changing attitudes and he sees this as a two pronged strategy that will also involve legislation de-criminalizing sex acts with animals. It is a first for Britain.

Meanwhile Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn proved himself unelectable by not singing a song to an invisible man in the sky about helping out the little old lady in the spangly hat.

Babe will be released in 2016.

47 FILMS: 8. BABE

In our continuing series of 47 Films to see before you’re murdered in your dreams, we look at Chris Noonan’s beautiful Babe.

Babe‘s the perfect film. Flawless and exceptional from conception to finished product. On the surface, an inspirational fairy story about a pig and a farmer, defying the odds but underneath there are more layers than a royal wedding cake.

It deals with issues of class, race and religion in a simple but tremendously intelligent and effecting way. Who knows how many thousands were converted to vegetarianism after their first viewing? If you don’t like Babe, there’s obviously something fundamentally wrong with you: you’re a monster. If you’ve ever on a first date, ask ‘Do you like Babe?’ and if they say ‘no’, run for the hills and never look back.
 
Made for $30 million and taking in well over $200m at the box office the screenplay (based on Dick King Smith‘s popular children’s story The Sheep Pig) was written by George Miller, the man behind Mad Max for Christ’s sake and if that isn’t strange enough some obscure guy called Chris Noonan who hadn’t made anything worth a damn before or since seems to have been temporally blessed with ‘Mad skills’ as those who dwell in deprived urban areas might say. Then we have James Cromwell‘s Farmer Hoggett, he barely utters a word throughout but when you consider the environment he was working in, basically a room full of animals and puppets his performance is nothing short of majestic.
 
People often forget it received seven Oscar nominations, losing out to Braveheart for best picture. I happen to like the Willy Wallace yarn but it’s not even in the same league as the pig flick and things get weird when you browse through those top 100 hundred family films list that plague the internet. Babe doesn’t feature once in any top twenty and in lots of lists doesn’t feature at all. It’s as though there has been some conspiracy by the pork industry to downplay the movie’s popularity and appeal and yet it’s easily equal to the best of the Toy Storytrilogy and as far as I’m concerned, it’s up there with the all time greats, such as The Wizard of Oz and Mary Poppins.
 
If you’ve never seen it you’re in for a treat. If you’ve not seen it for a while refresh your memory and if you’re a parent and you’ve never sat and watched it with your children then that’s akin to criminal neglect and the authorities should be notified immediately.

For more of our 47 Films to see before you’re murdered in your dreams CLICK HERE.

MILEY CYRUS CONFIRMS BABE 3

HOLLYWOOD – Miley Cyrus has confirmed that she will be appearing in the new George Miller film Babe 3, sources close to the singer declared.

The new cover shot of the naked singer that recently graced the cover of Paper was actually an on set photograph snapped during filming with Miley Cyrus and her co-star Truffles.

The film’s director – and close friend to the Studio Exec – George Miller spoke EXCLUSIVELY about the project:

First I get a chance to revisit the universe of Mad Max with my wonderful Mad Max Fury Road. I won’t deny it, this has emboldened me. I’ve had a script ready for Babe 3 sitting in the drawer for some time, but after Babe 2 I didn’t think I’d ever get the chance. Then Miley contacted me and she told me she loved the Babe films and would she have anything for me. I sent her over the script and we sealed the deal soon after. She is a very talented young actress and Truffles is a wonder.

What happens in the movie?

Well, essentially we had Babe in the country and then Babe in the City and now I want to do Babe at Sea. Babe and his friend Hannah are on a cruise when the ship they’re travelling on is hit by a tidal wave and sinks. Hannah and her pig have to survive in a lifeboat and no clothes. Luckily they find some nipple pasties.

Will Miley sing?

Ha! We had that conversation. I said she didn’t have to wear any clothes and she agreed not to sing. We were both as happy as a pig…. in a film.

The Life of Pig will be released in 2017.

MEL GIBSON ON WHY HE ISN’T IN MAD MAX: FURY ROAD

HOLLYWOOD – When you see Tom Hardy in Mad Max: Fury Road, it will be as the young version of Max and George Miller has confirmed that we won’t be seeing a cameo from the original star Mel Gibson.

Mel Gibson spoke EXCLUSIVELY to the Studio Exec about his history with the franchise and his current projects.

When George came to me and said they were going to do a new Mad Max film, of course I was excited to do it. But this was back in 2000. And a lot of things happened in the meantime and I also got older. So the chances of me playing the character in the way the script and the story needed became very slim. When they finally decided to go with Tom I was really pleased. I think it serves the film much better.

Will there be a cameo from you?

No. I didn’t want to do that. I wanted the new film to stand very much on its own two feet. At least that’s what George said and I’m very protective of the franchise and so what George thinks is right can go. You have to remember I was only a kid when we made the first film. I remember reading the script. It was called Nutty Nick and was much more broadly comic than what we ended up filming.

Were there any other differences?

We didn’t have much money and so all the car chases you see are done with the same car. And when we had to crash into another car for some reason we would just go out on the road looking for a car to crash into.

Didn’t that get you into legal trouble?

We all went to prison for about a year. Fortunately the film was a hit, so it was worth it. But George is always so committed to making his films as real as possible. When he filmed Babe most people wanted him to overdub the pig, but George was so committed to realism he spent six years training the pig to actually talk.

 What about new projects?

I’d like to do some more directing. I’m working on a prequel to the Passion of the Christ, which will be called Bethlehem. And I’ve been writing volume two of my autobiography, which I hope will lay to rest some of the more toxic rumors.

It’ll be great to see you back on top.

Thanks. Hopefully if I can keep my big mouth shut, I can do something special.

Volume 2 of Mel Gibson’s autobiography – Jews, Jews, Jews, Jews, Jews – will be available from all good bookstores shortly.